- Considering how our society revolves around getting things WHEN we want them, HOW we want them, and as QUICKLY as we can get them, answer this question: why the hell does it take 17 minutes for me to check the 32 second voicemail that my girlfriend just left on my cell phone!? First, I call my the voice mailbox number; then, I enter my four-digit pin number; next, I am told the same information three times, phrased slightly different each time (namely, "You have new voicemail messages", "The following messages have not been heard", "First new message, sent today at 4:30 PM"...guess what, I KNOW I HAVE A NEW MESSAGE, that's why I'm calling my f*#@ing voicemail in the first place!); now, I finally get to hear my voicemail message; once the message is finished, it's time to hear the 13 different options I can do to either save, delete, replay, speed up, slow down, forward to the FBI, edit to sound like the caller is Barney The Dinosaur, etc. the message; and finally, I am prompted to "Press * " to hang up the phone...OR, I can just close my cell phone! Why am I pressing unnecessary buttons!? Listen up Cingular! I'm tired of this, so either make my voicemail as simple as checking my email, checking my home phone answering machine, and solving the Pythagorean Theorem, or else I'll be forced to...bitch about it in my blog.
- Do yourself a favor, and find out if you have the Nickelodeon GAS channel in your cable lineup. I'll give you six reasons why: Double Dare, Guts (Mike O' Mally: "Let's check the points on the leader board...MO!"...Moira Quirk: Thanks Mike!), GLOBAL Guts, Legends of the Hidden Temple (oh, how I missed Kirk Fogg, the Silver Snakes, and Olmec, all working together to find 'the long lost trident of King Neptune'), Nick Arcade, and Wild & Crazy Kids. Now if only they would bring back another favorite show of mine, What Would You Do? (what a catchy theme song: "WHAT...nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah...WOULD...nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah...YOU...nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah...DO-OOO?")
- I simply don't understand why, in television shows and movies, people getting off planes are always walking down the big metal staircase that comes directly off the side door of the plane and then walking across the tarmac area. Does this ever really happen? You know what I'm talking about here, you've seen the scene in the movie: the pretty girl walks down the metal staircase, sees the love of her life across the runway, and then runs across to meet him in a long embrace. Now, I know that I have seen the president come off of Air Force One in such a manner, but doesn't everyone else just exit into that very skinny, very unstable hallway floating 100 feet off the ground that leads to the airport terminal? Now that I think about it, maybe it happens with smaller planes, or airports that aren't equipped to have floating hallways attach to their buildings. If this is the case, let me know, and I'll add "Exit from a plane down a metal staircase" to my 'Things to Accomplish In Life' list. I'll place it right after "Tell New York City Taxi Cab Driver to 'Follow that car!'".
- During my last shift at Shmarnes and Wobles Bookstore, I was informed of something that I think will change the world forever. Apparently, a release date has been set for the DVD box set of...(drum roll, please)...Dinosaurs! That's right! The complete first and second season of the short-lived sitcom is being released on May 2nd, 2006! Don't remember the show, or never saw it? Well, basically, it was your average television sitcom: a working-class family deals with modern problems in a comedic manner. Oh yeah, and the family is a family of DINOSAURS! Classic! The baby dinosaur's catch phrase, "Not the momma!", was an instant hit (A little bit of Dinosaurs trivia: the daughter character Charlene Sinclair was voiced by Sally Struthers. How interesting...). Let's imagine, for a second, just how awkward the pitch was for getting this show on the air...
[The Head of ABC:] So, what kinds of problems will the family of dinosaurs deal with?
[Dinosaurs Creator:] Well, take the daughter character. One episode, she finally gets her period, and while she's talking to her mother about it, her father walks in, overhears them, and says "I sure hope you're talking about the Mesozoic Period!"
[The Head of ABC:] I love it!
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