What Happens In Vegas, Stays In Vegas...Because I'm In New Jersey!

Damn that Mr. Cooper! He's always doing fun, exciting things, but this time he's gone too far...
As I sit here writing this post, Mr. Cooper is driving 90 miles per hour through the Mojave Desert with his friend Marc (the creator of the upcoming blog sensation With Eyes Half Open). Their destination: Las Vegas (specifically, the first blackjack table Mr. Cooper can find).

Why is this a bad thing? Because I'm not with them. Yes, I was invited to enjoy the 'Fourth of July Extended Weekend Las Vegas Gambling Bonanza' (as I have termed it), but after a great deal of internal anguish, I had to decline...oh, and by 'internal anguish' I mean coming to terms with the fact that I am poor as hell! Did I mention that the one and only 2006 World Series of Poker is currently underway in Vegas, something I would give three or four of my toes just to watch live? If yesterday a $450 round-trip ticket to Vegas fell out of the sky, I would happily be sipping a hot chocolate while doubling down on my '11' (yes, most casinos serve hot chocolate at their blackjack tables, and it's usually amazing...and ALWAYS double down on '11' unless the dealer is showing an Ace). Unfortunately, no money fell out of the sky yesterday, only more rain destroying the great lands of the northeast, while further dampening my spirits as I dwell on 'the weekend that could have been'...

...then again, "when life hands you lemons"...you sell those lemons as fast as you can and head straight to Atlantic City, New Jersey!

The Only Inconvenience Is Ignorance

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Movie Title: An Inconvenient Truth.

Starring: Al Gore, Microsoft PowerPoint, Planet Earth.

Time & Date of Showing: 7:40 pm showing on Wednesday, June 21st.

Attended With: My politically charged cohort and girlfriend, Andrea (our second official "date movie" of the summer).

Movie Synopsis in One Sentence: A documentary, presented by Former Vice President Al Gore, highlighting the issues surrounding global warming.

The Good: This documentary is really two stories in one: an in-depth presentation of global warming, and the personal story of Al Gore. It's amazing how the two stories are so perfectly intertwined, giving the audience both a front row seat to the global warming crisis and a backstage pass to Al Gore's past, present, and future. Furthermore, the issue of global warming (and the environment, in general) is so incredibly downplayed in our society, it is refreshing to finally see some major public attention given to the subject.

The Bad: This actually doesn't make the movie 'bad', but I was surprised by how much of the movie was simply Al Gore talking through his presentation up on stage. It's basically the difference between a dramatic documentary (think Michael Moore's style) and a traditional documentary (think The History Channel's style). Then again, drama can be found within the segments following Al Gore's life...oh, and also that whole 'humans are killing the world' part...that's pretty damn dramatic.

Global Warming Irony: As I sit here writing this post, I am currently surrounded by the weather disaster that is the Northeast. It has literally been raining on-and-off since last Friday, producing horrendous flooding resulting in 'States of Emergency' in New Jersey, New York, and Pennsylvania. The Delaware River in Trenton (approximately 8 minutes down the road from my home) is cresting at over 8 feet ABOVE THE FLOOD LEVEL! Considering global warming may be linked to increases in rainfall (the heat rays trapped in the thickening atmosphere increase the rate of evaporation, hence more clouds full of rain), this documentary is that much more relevant to the people of the Northeast.

The Verdict: While this powerful documentary may leave you feeling helpless against the forces of nature (as well as the forces of business and government), you'll ultimately experience a greater sense of empowerment to change the way we abuse our one and only planet.

If You Liked______, You May Like These: March of the Penguins, An Inconvenient Truth: The Book, Super Size Me.

FINAL GRADE: A

That's One Good Looking Trailer

No, I'm not talking about the childhood home of Britney Spears (thank you, thank you...I'll be here all week). I'm actually referring to some very exciting movie trailer news. Take a look...

• I didn't think I could be any more excited to see Bryan Singer's Superman Returns this week...and then I found out (thanks to Mr. Cooper) that a teaser trailer for Spider-Man 3, being released in May 2007, would be playing before the movie...go ahead, take a moment to wipe the drool off your keyboard. As great as it will be seeing the trailer on the big screen, I know you won't be able to wait (like me), so check it out here at the official movie website (it actually has A LOT more movie footage than one usually sees in your typical teaser trailer...there's that drool again!).
  
• Time for some good news/bad news regarding Snakes on a Plane. The good news: a new movie trailer is being released this week that will show even more snake-biting goodness. The bad news: I have yet to find it anywhere on the internet. I'll keep you posted...
  

By the way, I just thought of another hilarious Snakes on a Plane-spin off...after 30 minutes with Adobe Photoshop, I present to you...

Noble Indeed!

This is big...not 'free iPod Nano with the purchase of a Mac computer' big, but pretty darn close. I'm referring to BarnesandNoble.com's Buy Two DVD's and Get a Third DVD FREE offer. Listen to my tale, as I've already benefited from this offer twice in the past month. I was lucky enough to have two $25 gift cards in my possession, a Barnes and Noble Membership (good for a 10% discount), a Barnes and Noble MasterCard (good for another 5% off), a coupon good for an ADDITIONAL 15% off one item, AND shipping was FREE...all on top of the free DVD per two purchased DVD's. The only bad news is that the free DVD will be the cheapest one you get (which is pretty standard 'free stuff' policy) and not every DVD is available for the offer (but, it's pretty much almost every DVD)...oh, and also the fact that you probably don't have all the gift cards, discount cards, and coupons that I had......moving on......

When all was said and done, I spent $23.87 of my own money for 6 DVD's, including Good Night, And Good Luck (Widescreen Edition), Batman Begins (Two-Disc Deluxe Edition), The Incredibles (Two-Disc Widescreen Collector's Edition), The Truman Show (Special Edition), Forrest Gump (Widescreen Special Collector's Edition), and The Aviator (Two-Disc Widescreen Edition). Best...deal...ever.

Hurry! You only have 9 days left to take advantage of one of the greatest offers in all of human history!

(clearly an exaggeration...humor me)

You Can't Spell Bill O'Reilly Without 'ILL' ..... Actually, It's In There Twice!

I've been meaning to post this since it was published last Thursday (and reported about on the nightly edition of Countdown with Keith Olbermann). It's an editorial from the Chicago Tribune written by Don Wycliff, the Associate Vice President for News and Information at the University of Notre Dame, that serves as a response to the amazing comments made by Bill O'Reilly on The O'Reilly Factor three days earlier (in case you missed these pearls of wisdom...[Bill O'Reilly declared that if he were the president of Iraq, he would run the country "just like Saddam [Hussein] ran it," by establishing curfews and shooting violators "right between the eyes."]...wow, it must be nice to be so ignorant and still have your own "news" show).

Here is a copy of Wycliff's editorial, with a final sentence that truly sums it all up...
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The Impenetrable Fog of Bill O'Reilly

By Don Wycliff
Published June 22, 2006

If intellectual dishonesty could be said to have a face, I saw it Tuesday evening as I watched Bill O'Reilly's program on Fox News.

I watched without the benefit of sound--if any was coming from the television it couldn't be heard over the din in the bar where I was in Mishawaka, Ind. But Fox conveniently runs a stripped-down text next to O'Reilly's image as he delivers his opening commentary. And there was, in addition, captioning beneath the picture for hearing-impaired viewers--or people who happen to be in noisy bars.

O'Reilly was burned up about the mutilation and murders of those two American soldiers--Pfc. Thomas Tucker and Pfc. Kristian Menchaca--who were captured in Iraq by insurgents last week and whose bodies were retrieved Tuesday.

What civilized person would not have been? The military didn't give a detailed public description of the conditions of the soldier's bodies, but decapitation seems to have been the least of the savageries inflicted on them--and may have been a grisly coup de grace.

O'Reilly wasn't just mad about what had happened to these two young Americans; he wanted something done about it. We've got to get tougher and more aggressive, he opined. Outfits like the American Civil Liberties Union and Air America need to be "exposed," and all those who inadvertently help the enemy--like ministers who sign petitions against torture--should mind their p's and q's. And the Iraqi government ought to declare martial law in some parts of Iraq that O'Reilly considers in particular need of iron-fist treatment.

After O'Reilly finished his rant, he brought on two retired generals who apparently serve as regular expert commentators on Fox. For several minutes Wild Bill and this posse took out after the murderous barbarians in Iraq, as well as the "liberals" and dupes here in the U.S. who insist on hobbling the war effort by exercising their rights to think and speak freely.

There was much fuming about "taking the handcuffs off" and "taking the gloves off" and people cowing the Bush administration and forcing it to fight the war "defensively," which after all was exactly how the war in Vietnam had been wrongly fought. And they all arrived at the same conclusion: The U.S. must fight this war to "win" or bring our troops home.

Bill. Bill. Bill. Bill. Bill. You ignorant sl ... How do you face yourself in the mirror each morning?

Less than two years ago, George W. Bush won a second term in office with the biggest popular vote in American history. His party controls both houses of Congress. The ACLU is preoccupied with controlling the speech of its board of directors. The New York Times, which also came in for some of Bill's dishonorable mention, has not endorsed the winner in the last two presidential elections.

And yet you, Bill, are peddling the notion that Bush is hamstrung in fighting the Iraq war because of domestic doubt and opposition from the left.

And then there's your call for the Iraqi government to declare "martial law."

Bill, that is so-o-o-o Saddam of you. Don't you understand that to declare martial law, you have to have a functioning military? And that the reason Menchaca and Tucker and 130,000 or so of our neighbors and family members are in Iraq is precisely because it doesn't have a functioning military? And that the reason it doesn't have a functioning military is because we smashed it because Saddam Hussein ... Well, let's not go there.

Bill, does the name Eric Shinseki mean anything to you? On the assumption that it doesn't, let me explain that he was the Army chief of staff who was shown the door by Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld after Shinseki had the audacity to tell members of Congress that we would need "several hundred thousand soldiers" to control Iraq after an invasion.

Bill, it wasn't the press or the Democrats or the ACLU or Air America that sent our soldiers to Iraq in numbers that evidently are too small to control the place. It was Don Rumsfeld and Paul Wolfowitz who did that, because they had some notions about smaller, lighter, quicker forces that ... Well, let's not go there.

Bill, I understand your dilemma. You want to blame somebody for outrages like the murders of Menchaca and Tucker, but if you put the blame where it really belongs, you have to say bad things about some people for whom you have been a cheerleader.

It's OK , Bill. Nobody who cares about the truth takes you seriously anyway.

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Entertainment Advertising 101

If you're like me, you spend many hours a week watching old reruns of Full House, Family Matters, and Boy Meets World (hopefully, you are not like me and you actually spend your time doing productive things...but let's just pretend, for the sake of this post, that you're as useless as I am). This means that you may be a steady viewer of the ABC Family channel, which is also home to reruns of the very funny Whose Line Is It Anyway?. Well, it turns out that tomorrow is the premiere of ABC Family's highly publicized new series Kyle XY. There have been advertisements EVERYWHERE for this damn show: commercials, newspapers, online, magazines, etc. I'm not usually one to pick on new shows before they premiere (then again, I would never watch a new show from a network like ABC Family anyway, so I don't mind prejudging), but I just have to voice my irritation with this particular show. Take a look at this ad from a recent issue of Entertainment Weekly...
...Ok, so this advertisement asks the question "Who is Kyle XY?" and reveals that the BIG TWIST of this ray of hope for the television success of the ABC Family network is...HE HAS NO BELLY BUTTON!?!?!!??!?!? Wow, hand the creators of this show the Emmy right now! I'm sorry, but I can't even imagine where this series will go from here, and I'm pretty sure that any television show that focuses its plot around the great mystery that is the umbilical cord is not going to become a hit. Then again, I could be wrong and by next year there may be the premiere of ABC Family's new series Karen XX, the story of a young girl found wandering alone in the woods...and she's missing fingernails!!!

On the other side of advertising (i.e. the successful side), here is a NEW exclusive trailer for Zach Braff's upcoming movie The Last Kiss. I was a HUGE fan of Garden State and I definitely can't wait for this to be released in September. Check it out!

It's A Small World After All

I just can't get over how the viewership of this blog breaks down by countries:I am officially intrigued...I invite my international viewers to leave a comment or two, tell us about the greatness that is your country, and discuss how the heck you ended up here at this blog...or just say 'hey'!

Stay Tuned...

I have A LOT of things I want to post about (involving such diverse topics as classic television sitcoms, the horror that is Bill O'Reilly, a review of An Inconvenient Truth, and ABC Family's new series Kyle XY)...unfortunately, I am currently packing for my cousin's wedding at West Point Military Academy, so you'll just have to wait until I return...until then, enjoy this Classic Cooper (TM) blog post from the critically acclaimed Bloggin' with Mr. Cooper...

The Partisan Politics of...Softball?

Here is yet another great report from The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, with an ending that has kept me laughing to myself for the past couple of days. At first I really didn't find Dan Bakkedahl to be that funny, but he has definitely been getting better and better. I beg you to watch...

~~~ CLICK HERE ~~~

(The clip is called 'Designated Bitter' and is located in the Most Recent Videos Section)

Vinennifer's Turn At The Movies

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Movie Title: The Break-Up.

Starring: Vince Vaughn, Jennifer Aniston, Jon Favreau, Jason Batemen, Vincent D'Onofrio, John Michael Higgins.

Time & Date of Showing: 2:45 pm showing on Saturday, June 2nd.

Attended With: My one and only Andrea (our first official "date movie" of the summer).

Movie Synopsis in One Sentence: Refusing to surrender their mutually-acquired condo after breaking up, Brooke and Gary engage in a series of increasingly severe 'Guy vs. Girl' antics.

The Good: It's amazing how Vince Vaughn is able to make comedy seem so natural and effortless (especially for someone who is actually quite reserved in interviews); he successfully delivers plenty of his patented 'crazy guy ramblings' we've come to love and expect. In terms of the supporting cast, everyone insists on talking about John Michael Higgins comical role as the potential gay brother to Jennifer Aniston's character, however I think two other actors stand out as highpoints in the movie: Jason Bateman, as a mutual friend and real estate agent of the couple (provides some of the most subtly hilarious moments of the movie), and Vincent D'Onofrio as the anxiety-ridden brother of Vince Vaughn (I never thought Vincent D'Onofrio would be great at comedy).

The Bad: Unfortunately, the rest of the movie. Ok, that's a little too harsh...it's just, beyond Vince Vaughn's usually comedy antics, the movie has no structure, no story. Basically, it looks like some cameras just followed around Vince Vaughn's character while he delivered comical banter to his girlfriend and their friends. Also, while many people say "the dialogue felt real, like real conversations", I'd rather claim that the "real" sense that came from the dialogue actually hurt the movie. For instance, a scene where the two have a heated argument about not listening closely to one another isn't funny to me...it's my life (on any given day, I miss around 40% of what my girlfriend says do to a very poor attention span...she still loves me, though)...so instead of it being "Ha! That's funny because I can relate to that"!, it comes off feeling more like "Yes. That is indeed how an argument looks." Also, what the hell was the purpose of anything relating to Jennifer Aniston's job, strange boss, and the weird receptionist? To waste time, me thinks.

The Break-Up vs. Mr. & Mrs. Smith: For me, it's no contest. I was pleasantly surprised by the fresh, interesting style of Mr. & Mrs. Smith, which also doubled as a pretty good action movie. It's Mr. & Mrs. Smith all the way.

Ending Rating: You may have read about the buzz regarding the "unique" ending of The Break- Up. Does the ending defy the traditional romantic comedy formula...yes. Is that a good thing...in this case, nope. It actually leaves you feeling incredibly unsatisfied. [If you want to see genre-defying endings, check out Dawn of the Dead (which rocks the foundation of the typical "overcoming the zombies thanks to the military" model) and Road to Perdition (which puts a wonderful dramatic damper on what could have been a "happily ever after" ending).]

The Verdict: A shallow, broken story that provides little more than an erratically funny Vince Vaughn...which may make it worth seeing (for a reduced matinee price or a future Netflix rental).

If You Liked______, You May Like These Movies: Wedding Crashers, Along Came Polly, Meet the Parents/Meet the Fockers.

FINAL GRADE: C

Happy Graduate's Day and Congratulations Father...Wait...Reverse That...

This past weekend was an eventful one...

My girlfriend's graduation party was on Saturday and it was a huge success. There was tons of great food (catered from a great Italian place), awesome desserts (including 5 quarts of assorted Rita's Water Ice, thanks to yours truly), and so many fun things to do (including playing volleyball, basketball, soccer, etc.). Also, two days earlier I spent the entire day constructing a top-notch quoit court...ok, I'll give you some time to go to this website because, unless you are from very specific towns within very specific parts of New Jersey or Pennsylvania, you won't have a clue what the game of quoits is...ok, so now you know. Anyway, with a shovel, some wood, and 8 hours of labor, I was able to construct a way in which Andrea's dad could shame me during the party by greatly defeating my quoit team. Still, being beat by Andrea's dad in quoits is like being beat in golf by Tiger Woods: playing with them is honor enough. To sum up, it was a great day with great weather, great food, great people, and great fun...

Sunday was Father's Day, naturally. My sister was in charge of making the plans this year, and she decided on a dinner-and-a-movie day. My sister picked the 'dinner' part, which was a great Japanese hibachi place called Banzai, and I picked the 'and-a-movie' part, which I had hoped would be Poseidon (a movie that I was planning on seeing, and then decided not to when so many other better movies came out, and then realized would be a perfect movie for Father's Day with a dad that liked the original Poseidon Adventures). Well, Banzai went off wonderfully...the movie part, not so much. Turns out when my sister said the movie was at 5:20pm, it actually wasn't...so, I decided to defer my decision-making power to my dad, who was presented with the following options: An Inconvenient Truth (not really the right movie for Father's Day), Nacho Libre (my Dad doesn't really like Jack Black), The Omen (he didn't care for the original or the other remakes too much), and...The Lake House. FOR SOME REASON, my dad had "read the blurb online" and was stuck on the idea that The Lake House "had a twist" and "looked really interesting"...wow...I was shocked and appalled. My dad, a 65-ish year-old retired accountant wants to see a love story/drama where Keanu Reeves and Sandra Bullock communicate to each other from two years apart by putting letters in a supernatural mailbox (sounds like the well is a tad dry, hey Hollywood?). Unfortunately, it was Father's Day, and my dad is a father (go figure), so his decision was final...in we went to see The Lake House. I was so mad that I called Andrea beforehand and cursed for a good 5 minutes. Now for the big twist of this blog post...The Lake House actually isn't a bad movie...then again, it's no masterpiece. For an extremely strange romantic drama movie premise , it actually kept my interest, was filmed well, and deserves to be called an 'OK' movie. So, I admit I judged a book by it's cover (or rather a movie by it's seemingly horrible plot, actors, and genre)...I still don't understand why my dad had faith in this movie and, from now on, I'll save the chick-flicks for Valentine's Day, NOT Father's Day!

Democrat or Democrazy?

Just in case you had any fear that the Democrats weren't looking good for the midterm elections, The Daily Show with John Stewart puts our fears to rest...simply hilarious.

~ Check it out, HERE! ~

[The video clip is called "Donkey Showdown", and it's in the Most Recent section.]

The Pen is Blue

Two quick thoughts...

#1 - I argue that Jim Carrey's best comedic performance is, without a doubt, Liar Liar (I say best comedic performance, because I think Carrey is also great in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and The Truman Show). I seem to watch this movie at least once a week on either TBS, USA, or one of the 600 HBO channels, and every time I watch it I laugh like it's the first time I've seen it. There is just something about the line "I will lovingly wrap your knick knacks in bubble paper!" that gets me every time. Agree?

#2 - I demand that all fax machines be destroyed. There is absolutely no reason to use fax machines when we have email, printers, scanners, networking, and live webcam technology. Hmmm, let's see...I can either download a file and print out a perfect copy of my own, OR I can receive a fax that may or may not arrive because a phone line is busy, and even when it does arrive the image will look as though it's been destroyed by a flock of pigeons. Using a fax machine in today's technologically-advanced society is as bad as...using a fax machine! (that's right...I'm going to start saying the phrase "...is like using a fax machine" to mock things that are very much out-of-date). Because I am so tolerant, I will set the deadline for said destruction at June 30th, 2006; this should allow enough time for all establishments still using fax machines to punch themselves in the face and catch up to the 90's.

This Week's DO's and DO NOT's

Here's a couple of daily DO's and DO NOT's for you dudes and dames reading this diverting, didactic blog...ya dig?

DO...

...watch Lewis Black's new HBO comedy special Lewis Black: Red, White, and Screwed; it's hilarious, just like his other specials and all of his Back in Black appearances on The Daily Show (and, if you remember, my girlfriend just got me the CD of his Carnegie Hall performance for my birthday, so you know I love him).

...be excited that I am now the proud owner of a Jeep Grand Cherokee, and I no longer have to drive a Chevrolet Cavalier with a broken air condition, a broken CD player, and an anti-lock brake system on the fritz.

...consider buying The Jurassic Park Adventure Pack, which costs only $19.99 and includes all three movies of the trilogy...of course, the quality (or should I say 'lack thereof') of the second and third movie make each of them about a $5 value, so it's like getting the original Jurassic Park for $10.00!

...prepare to reserve four or five Playstation 3 systems under various identities for the upcoming fall release date; the price is set at $500 for the base system and $600 for the upgraded system and, considering there is never, EVER enough systems for sale at release date (and, considering many people are not smart enough to reserve a guaranteed copy!), you can bet the going rate for these babies on eBay will easily reach upwards of $1000, making anyone selling them on eBay very happy.

DO NOT...

...watch the MTV Movie Awards that you TiVo-ed from last Thursday; I tried, I really tried to watch them, but after 60 seconds of horrible movie spoofs, a ditzy Jessica Alba, and childish humor, I just couldn't take it any more.

...count on the crazy lady at AAA to help you plan a trip to the west coast; I'm pretty sure that I would have received more helpful information by licking a map of the former Soviet Union for an hour or so.

...see The Break-Up; I really wanted a good movie, but it's just disappointing (I'll post one of my official funnybecauseit'strue movie reviews soon).

...expect Birkenstock clogs to fit your feet if you have freakishly flat and wide feet, such as I do; I don't want to be mean to myself, but if a caveman saw my feet, even HE would stop and say "Guuu, ooooowa guuu!"...I don't know what this means in English, but I'm assuming it's an insult.

Update: Mr. Cooper's Mission

Mr. Cooper has returned to the states! Unfortunately, he has already left the cloudy, tree-infested state that is New Jersey for the sunny, celebrity-infested town that is Hollywood. It's unfortunate that he was only home for two days but, if all goes according to plan, we should be hitting the strip in Vegas around mid-July. Vegas baby!

Anyway, Mr. Cooper did manage to deliver my birthday gifts from Italy, and I was EXTREMELY pleased. First, your typical trip souvenir, namely a key chain shaped like Italy...I love key chains. Next, a blue soccer-style t-shirt with the word "Italia" on the front...soooo great, and the weird thing is it's a size XL yet it fits perfectly (those Italian's are so tiny!). Also, he got a shirt for Andrea that says "Ciao Bella" on the front...very nice of him. Next, although he wanted to get me a Da Vinci Code poster in Italian he was unable to find one...instead, he found The Godfather poster in Italian, or should I say Il Padrino...really awesome. Finally, knowing my interest in the Coliseum, he got me a miniature replica of the Coliseum...it's really cool, and paper-weight heavy. And there you have it....excellent gifts from Italy, and many thanks to Mr. Cooper!

Oh...one more thing. You may be wondering if Mr. Cooper was able to successfully complete the Mission I assigned him while in Rome (if you need a refresher, see Where in the World Is Cooper Sandiego?). Well, all I can say is...no comment.

Happy Birthday Barbara Bush, Joan Rivers, and Keenen Ivory Wayans !!!

So, Thursday was my birthday and I had a really great day thanks to my family and most importantly my amazing girlfriend...

We started the day with a trip to the gym: a little elliptical, a little weight lifting, a lot of stretching...the usual. After a quick shower, it was off to our FAVORITE place to eat lunch, Whole Foods Market in Princeton. The greenest salad, the freshest fruit, the best pastas, rolls, and drinks...it's simply the best. AND the building is solar powered, so I'm helping the environment while I eat!

Next, it was time to go for a blindfolded ride to a secret destination (actually, I refused to wear a blindfold in public, so I just closed my eyes and looked down at the seat). I had no clue where we were going, especially considering Andrea was making fake turns into various Wawa's to throw me off. Finally we arrived, and I when I opened my eyes we were at the gates of the famous sculpture park Grounds for Sculpture. Andrea and I had been wanting to go there for years, and this was THE PERFECT idea for my birthday. It was better than I could have ever imagined...I expecting it to be a small, open area of various sculptures...what it actually turned out to be was hundreds and hundreds of sculptures of so many diverse styles/eras/sizes all scattered throughout an immense, intricate park layout...I lost count of the amount of times either myself or Andrea was startled by a hidden statue amidst the trees or were amazed to find yet another new path of sculptures. At the end, Andrea and I found a private corner of the park where I could open up my birthday presents from her (my favorite part of the day, of course). She always gets me the best presents every year....this year, Scrubs Season 3, Lewis Black's Carnegie Hall Performance, and a VERY nice pair of Birkenstock clogs are just a few of my newfound treasures. It was so great that I want to go back soon with as many people as I can gather, so that they may share in the wonder that is this amazing, artistic display located around the corner from a place that is quite the opposite, namely the city of Trenton.

Finally, it was off to Bertucci's for a birthday dinner with 14 members of our families. Unfortunately, the great Bertucci's experience that I remember from a college dinner outing with Mr. Cooper was not duplicated...instead, we had a waitress that had no clue what she was doing (she actually never put anything down on the table...she insisted on putting everything directly into our hands...very strange) and food that was simply OK. Still, it was a fun night with my crazy nephew, Alex, being...well, crazy (and extremely cute)...and I got many more gifts, including some much needed birthday money from my family, the PS2 version of Grand Theft Auto: Liberty City Stories, a Freestyle Shark watch from Andrea's parents, and some other great stuff.

Yep, it was a great day...and, so, another year gone. I think I'm supposed to feel old being 23, but I really don't. I feel younger than ever...I really wish I knew someone named Ever that was older than me so I could make a joke about how "I feel younger than Ever"...what a perfect set up. Unfortunately, I don't...instead, here's a funny picture I found on Google Images...

(I had to search for 'mariachi band' to get this...it was worth it)

Little Ditty About Zach and Diane

Ok, first I need to address the title of this post. This post is actually about Zach Braff and Keith Olbermann, so sorry if you were really excited to read about someone named Diane (who would I possibly be blogging about with the name Diane.....hmmm, maybe Diane Keaton? By the way, is she related to either Michael and/or Buster of the same last name? Interesting...I just realized that this has turned into a post about someone named Diane. I'm good!). Here we go...

• If you're familiar with my blog, you may have already checked out the Zach Braff blog link on the right side of the page. Well, the link is still there, but it's the NEW AND IMPROVED Zach Braff blog (his original blog was really just for his Garden State movie and then it became so big he just kept on updating it). His new blog is really great, with tons of stuff to keep you laughing. Plus, there is an EXCLUSIVE trailer for his upcoming movie The Last Kiss which comes out this fall; it actually looks pretty good, with a lot of good actors and a Garden State-esque feel to it. Check it out! [By the way, I have to point out that on Zach Braff's first video blog he discusses the greatness that is challa bread, something I pointed out months ago in this very blog!]
• It's summer time (actually it's still spring...just play along), so there's not too much on TV to really care about...enter Keith Olbermann. Olbermann is the host of MSNBC's Countdown w/ Keith Olbermann (you have to appreciate any show that is brave enough to use a slash mark in their title...or is that a backslash? hmmmmm.....), one of the most entertaining hour-long news shows on all of the news networks. Basically, the show consists of Olberman counting down the top five stories of the day, using the usual news show methods: expert interviews, media clips, commentary,etc. However, he also adds a healthy dose of mockery through the use of hilariously inappropriate sound clips and chaotic behavior (i.e. throwing his stack of papers up in the air before going to commercial because he's so disgusted he has to talk about Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes). Plus, he also finds Bill O'Reilly, Ann Coulter, and their kind to be soulless, hypocritical, sub-human beings. Simply put, if you like Al Franken and The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, Keith Olbermann is the 'mann' for you!

The Last Stand Is A Shaky One

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Movie Title: X-Men:The Last Stand

Starring: Hugh Jackman, Halle Berry, Ian McKellen, Famke Janssen, Anna Paquin, Kelsey Gramer, Rebecca Romijn, Vinnie Jones, Patrick Stewart, Ben Foster.

Time & Date of Showing: 2:15 pm showing on Saturday, May 27th.

Attended With: Coordinated a last minute "sibling trip" with my sister and brother, and their respective fiances.

Movie Synopsis in One Sentence: When the government creates and releases a "cure" to the mutant gene, mutants find themselves taking sides on the issue with explosive consequences.

New Characters Not in First or Second Movie: Phoenix (Jean Grey's other side), Dr. Hank McCoy a.k.a. Beast, Cain Marko a.k.a. Juggernaut, Warren Worthington III a.k.a. Angel, Callisto, Kitty Pryde, Peter Rasputin a.k.a. Colussus, Multiple Man, Jubilation Lee a.k.a. Jubilee, and some others I may have missed.

The Good: With plenty of new characters, top notch visual effects, and the return (and demise) of some X-Men favorites, the scope of the movie is larger than ever before. Even though his makeup comes off as a little out of place sometimes, Kelsey Gramer plays a good Beast and shines in one particular fight scene towards the end of the movie. Ditto for the success of Vinni Jones as Juggernaut.

The Bad: Simply put, Brett Ratner. Unfortunately, the director had his mind set on making an action-focused comic book movie instead of a drama-focused comic book movie like Bryan Singer made with the first two films (of course, Singer's two films also had a lot of action, but there was a deep, solid story right along side of every explosion and cool fight scene). The story and dialogue are lacking from an overdose of "final-movie-in-the-trilogy" cliches.

After the Movie: Make sure you stay until the end of the credits for a special scene that is VERY much worth the wait...

The Verdict: The movie is pretty successful as a visually thrilling action movie, but it falls short where the previous two films soared, namely in the 'good story' area.

If You Liked______, You May Like These Movies: X-Men 1 & 2, Spider-Man 1 & 2, The Matrix Trilogy.

FINAL GRADE: B-

Thank You Amazon.com

I've got two websites for you to check out...

• I'm always saddened when Real Time with Bill Maher goes off the air for a few months, but this time I, and the rest of his fans, don't have to be. Turns out that he's the host of the first online talk show Amazon Fishbowl with Bill Maher on Amazon.com. Maher brings all of the same wit and humor that you see on Real Time, except instead of it being all about politics and current events it's more about interviewing authors, filmmakers, musicians, etc. so that Amazon.com can plug the newest books, movies, music, and other new cool stuff. This week's guests included best selling author Dean Koontz, the director and star of the upcoming documentary The Heart of the Game, an interview and two performances by the Dixie Chicks, and a UPS Special Delivery where Steve Schirripa of The Sopranos surprises an Amazon.com customer with his Amazon.com delivery. It really is great and a new episode premieres every Thursday night at 8pm, so definitely check it out.
• This is a just a short video on eBaum's World of a newscaster's slipup that really changes the "twist" of the upcoming news story. Pretty darn funny...click here.

That's it for now. Enjoy!

Way to Bee!

Just a quick shout out to Katharine Close, the 13-year-old that won the 2006 Scripps National Spelling Bee in Washington D.C. last night, AND…she’s from Spring Lake, NEW JERSEY! Hooray!!! This was the first time ever that the national spelling bee was aired live on network television, and it made for a really eventful Thursday evening with my girlfriend and her parents.

The final two were Katharine Close from NJ and Finola Hackett of Alberta, Canada…yeah, Canada. Kind of weird that kids from Canada are in our NATIONAL spelling bee, but I guess not when you consider how much overlap there is between the US and Canada in other areas, like professional sports. It was actually intense, considering they went so many round that the “25 Championship Words” Round went into effect, which basically meant that the girls would go back and forth until either there was a winner or they finished all 25 words, in which case they would be co-champions. With less than 10 words left, Finola goofed on “weltschmerz”, spelling it with a ‘v’ instead of a ‘w’ (which is kind of weird considering they study the origins of words and, knowing the origin is German, I think it’s standard for the German ‘v’ sound to be spelled with a ‘w’). This was Katharine’s chance...she’d have to spell the next two words correctly in order to win (one word for the round Finola messed up in, and another word for a new round)…and she did! First came “kundalini”, which was no problem. Then, the final word: “ursprache”, which means “a language that is the recorded or hypothetical ancestor of another language or group of languages”. You could tell right away that she knew it, but she stayed cool, asked a couple questions about the word, and then spelled her way into the 2006 Championship! Good stuff…

~Congratulations From All of Us Here at Funny Because It’s True~

(…and by “All of Us” I mean just me, CJ…)

A Picture Is Worth A Thousand Words...Literally

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Movie Title: The Da Vinci Code

Starring: Tom Hanks, Audrey Tautou, Ian McKellen, Jean Reno, Paul Bettany, Alfred Molina.

Directed By: Ron Howard, also responsible for Oscar-worthy A Beautiful Mind and Apollo 13 (and the not-so Oscar-worthy Edtv).

Time & Date of Showing: 5:15 pm showing on Saturday, May 20th.

Attended With: The whole fam! Mom, Dad, sister, sister's fiance, brother, brother's fiance...and the number of people who completely read the book first: 1 (me).

Movie Synopsis in One Sentence: Cryptographer Robert Langdon becomes entangled in a mysterious conspiracy involving murder, Christianity, paintings by Leonardo Da Vinci, radical albino catholic monks, and the life of Jesus.

The Good: First of all, anything involving both Tom Hanks and Ron Howard gets automatic points in my book; I don't care if it's a movie about a racist clown that lives underwater with his parents and sells men's cologne (did I just spoil the surprise new show in Fox's Fall 2006 lineup?). Beyond that, the movie succeeds in portraying the complicated web of events that is the story of The Da Vinci Code in some coherent form. The last 20 or 30 minutes of the movie were interesting and succeeded in pulling me into the action of the story, so much so that I forget many of the details of how the story ends (particularly the last 2 minutes of the movie where Robert Langdon...well, you'll have to see for yourself). Ian McKellen was easily the best performance in the movie, glowing with genuine energy and wit as Sir Leigh Teabing (kind of like what Johnny Depp did in The Pirates of the Caribbean, but as a supporting role).

The Bad: Unfortunately, the movie was true to the book in a way that it should have taken some creative liberties: unnecessary wordiness. So many times it feels like Ron Howard just said "Yeah, here's the book, just memorize Chapter 6 and were gonna film you reciting it". Also...the main actor's performances weren't too exciting, but I think that may be a result of the characters and not the actors behind them... the visuals of the historical-ish flashback scenes felt like they belonged in one of those outdated movies you watched in world history class back in high school...I was afraid that Howard would tone down the albino monk self-abuse scenes, but instead they seemed to pop up often and last too long (I get it, he's still whipping himself!)...AND, making Robert Langdon's character battle it out with Sir Teabing in a "Christianity is a sham" versus "Well, not necessarily" was a tad much and felt less about the story and more about the controversy surrounding the book and film. [WHEW! I know it seems like a lot of bad stuff, but the expectations were high for this movie, so there's bound to be problems...the question is just how powerful were these problems on the overall strength of the movie...]

Book or Movie: I'd say read the book first before seeing the movie...this way, more people will buy the book and MAYBE it will actually have a shot at getting on the Bestsellers List...oh...never mind.

The Verdict: The movie version is basically the book acted out in front of a video camera. It tends to have rather dialogue-heavy scenes, so if you don't like reading you're probably not going to make it through the movie. Still, it's fun to see the characters, the settings, and the conspiracies of an intriguing book come to life.

If You Liked______, You May Like These Movies: Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, A Beautiful Mind, National Treasure.

FINAL GRADE: B-

Where in the World is Cooper Sandiego?

After many delays and countless angry demands by Mr. Cooper, it is finally time to reveal what I expect him to bring back from Italy in celebration of my birthday on June 8th. I was planning on outlining a long laundry list of demands, including sending me a postcard, taking a picture with someone dressed as Mario, having a Greek person call me on a cell phone to tell me they are having a "Bunnnnnn-t Cake" (if you don't get this reference, go rent My Big Fat Greek Wedding), and so on, however I've realized that such demands are implicit and Mr. Cooper will know that I expect these to be fulfilled regardless of this blog post.

What he has yet to find out is my birthday demand...and it is a tough one. Considering he has already traveled to Florence, Venice, and Greece (where he will be leaving shortly), there is only one place left for him to acquire my present...Rome. That's right, the capital city, one of the largest, most historic cities in all of Italy. Plus, all roads lead to Rome, so that means I live down the street from Rome, which is pretty nice.

If my present is indeed coming from Rome, there is only one item I can expect Mr. Cooper to acquire...and that item is...

The Coliseum

That's right, The Coliseum of Rome. I have always been fascinated by images of this incredible structure, as well as intrigued by the events that took place within. It is my goal to someday stand in the presence of this amazing landmark, taking in the visuals for hours as the sun sets in the surrounding sky...simply amazing. Damn you, Mr. Cooper, for being able to do this right now!!!

On to my demands. Do I expect Mr. Cooper to construct a flying machine with enough power to hook onto the Coliseum, lift it into the air, and transport in to America...no, but if he does this I will forever be his servant. Do I expect Mr. Cooper to purchase a $1.00 souvenir of "Coliseum Dirt" that is most likely on sale at his departing airport...I don't think so. What I expect is for Mr. Cooper, in a Mission: Impossible-esque scheme, to break off a basketball-size piece of rock from the actual exterior structure of the Coliseum and bring it back to me in the USA. I'm assuming that this is both extremely illegal and very difficult to do, however, not only does he have a mastermind of coordination and dexterity, namely J. Philips, but come on...it's my birthday!

You have your assignment Mr. Cooper.

[This blog post will self destruct in five seconds...]