Football Lives Here

For all NY Giants fans out there, it looks like your team will be making the playoffs this year, thanks to tonight's win against the Redskins. AND, there is a chance that the Giants will be playing the Eagles in the first round; as a newborn Eagles fan (thanks to my soon-to-be brother-in-law, and my later-to-be father-in-law), that would be an exciting game to watch.

OF COURSE, a set of freakish events could transpire tomorrow that would result in the Packers ending up with the final wild card slot that the NY Giants currently hold, and those events would include:

• Green Bay Packers beat the Chicago Bears...unlikely, considering the Bears have the best record in the NFL this season (tied with San Diego).

AND

• Arizona, Detroit, Miami, Minnesota, and San Francisco ALL win their games...if any one of these teams loses, it's the Giants in the playoffs.

AND

• Carolina, Houston, and Tampa Bay ALL lose their games...any one of these teams win, again, the Giants reign.
  

This would result in an INSANE mathematical tie breaker situation in which the Packers win out because of a "strength of victory" record, in part based on the outcomes of the above games (with a Packers win over the Bears, both the Packers and the Giants have an 8-8 season, they didn't play each other so there's no head-to-head match, they would both have a 7-5 conference record and a 1-4 record against common opponents...thus, the "strength of victory" record is the next method of measure for tiebreakers). This is not even discussing the possibility for a TIE in the "strength of victory", which would THEN go to a "strength of schedule" factor...which would ultimately result in John Madden's head exploding.

Until the NFL playoffs begin, college bowl games are where it's at (and for this obsession, I'd like to thank Mr. Cooper). I think I'm averaging watching two bowl games a day (from the ever-amazing Scarlet Knights in the Texas Bowl, to the tenacious Terps of the Univ. of Maryland in the Champs Sports Bowl, to the extremely disapointing Virginia Tech Hokies in tonight's Chick-fil-A Bowl, and beyond!). These ESPN announcers have been getting me all pumped up over the Rose Bowl between Univ. of Michigan and USC being played on New Year's Day (which, thanks to it's history in college football, seems to be getting more attention than the BCS Championship game between Ohio State and Florida).

In closing, let's just take a moment to acknowledge that the Big East currently leads all of the conferences in the highest bowl game win ratio, with a 2-0 bowl record (the only conference left with a 100% win ratio), and is favored to win all three of its remaining bowl games (namely, the bowl games of West Virginia, Louisville, and Cincinnati). Let's go Big East!

myPod

Finally...I join the ranks of millions of people worldwide that are proud owners of Apple's child of light, the iPod. Thanks to my fiance, and a little holiday known as Christmas, I will no longer have to spend time away from the wonderful world of music, movies, photos, and podcasts. One problem, though...I apparently have freakishly small ears, so the ear buds cause massive amounts of trauma when shoved into my delicate ears; thankfully, a nice pair of Sony headphones that wrap around the outside of the ear will do the trick.

So far, I've spent about 4 hours transferring music to my iTunes library, and I still have a stack of CDs, PLUS dozens of movie files to organize, PLUS hundreds of photos to transfer, PLUS many more podcasts and free stuff to subscribe to on iTunes.

My goal: to ring in the New Year with an iPod fit for a king...and I only have 2 days, 2 hours, and 33 minutes left!

We Are The Champions!

The Scarlet Knights are the 2006 Texas Bowl Champs!
Until next season...GO RU!

Ho! Ho! Ho!

* * * MERRY CHRISTMAS * * *

(What's with all the nose rubbing, Santa?
Spend a little too much time with the
white powder, if you know what I mean?)

A Little Last Minute Holiday Fun

Three holiday-themed websites that will keep you busy for far longer than you ever planned...

• Elf Yourself......thanks to some very bored workers at Office Max, you now have the ability to paste the heads of your friends, families, and enemies onto a dancing elf. Trust me, you haven't truly laughed until your aging college professor appears to be doing pelvic thrusts dressed as an elf.

• Christmas Dress Up Jesus......this one is fun for the whole family! Plus, you can finally stop wondering what Jesus would look like dressed up as a gingerbread man wearing a diaper.

• Simon Sez Santa......well, this site is pretty self-explanatory. It's Simon Says with a guy dressed as Santa. My favorite command thus far: 'destroy set'.

ENJOY!

STOP! Your Fridge Just Ate Your Child

While looking through a bunch of bins of assorted junk that I packed away after moving out of college, I came upon this brochure for the mini-refrigerator that was in my room senior year. I haven't experienced the joy of this warning in quite some time, and so I thought I'd share it with everyone. After taking a look at this picture, I can't help but ponder the following questions:

1. Does the person that drew this warning feel like they've achieved success in their graphic artist career?
2. The one kid is seconds away from smashing that ball into the other kid's face, right?
3. What the heck is the child that's halfway inside the refrigerator being fed, and is he too young to be a candidate for gastric bypass surgery?
   
4. Has personal responsibility in America become so poor that we need to be reminded that our children shouldn't be left alone to play near sinisterly ajar refrigerators?

So Much For Good Things In Small Packages

Still not sure what to get that special someone for the holidays? Thanks to Saturday Night Live, your gift giving problems are solved...

(Make sure the kids are out of the room...just tell them you have to talk to Santa.)

Hanukkah, Oh Hanukkah

* * * * HAPPY HANUKKAH * * * *

[NOTE: Please read this post once every day for the following eight days
to experience the accurate warmth of my Hanukkah shout-out.]

Health in America: Addendum

Not trying to beat a dead horse here, but check out what was in the 'Notebook' section of this week's Time magazine. Citing research of the United Health Foundation, there seems to be mixed news regarding the progression of American health since 1990...

["Americans are 19% healthier than in 1990...Fewer people smoke, more are immunized. But before we drink to our health, keep in mind that as a nation, we're also 110% fatter, and 19% more of us have no health insurance."]

Yes, you read that correctly...110% fatter...ONE HUNDRED AND TEN PERCENT FATTER!!! And, with tens of millions more Americans not having health insurance, that means all those medical costs associated with that 110% percent fat are a VERY large financial burden to all Americans.

Come on, America. We've opened our eyes to the harmful effects of smoking over the past two decades. It's time to do the same for our dietary habits.

i'm not lovin' it

I Love NY

I've been meaning to send a very HUGE thank you to the Health Board of New York City, which voted last week to ban the use of artificial trans fats in restaurants. As of July 2008...

* NYC is Trans Fat Free *

Wow, that's catchy...if this becomes the official slogan of the trans fat ban, I expect just compensation. New York City, you were the first to lead the fight on smoking bans, and now this...I'm very impressed.

Finally, I can take "harmful health effects of trans fat" off my list of 'Things Far Too Many Americans Pretend Do Not Exist' (also, a big thanks to Al Gore for helping some of the late bloomers to see that global warming is not just "the sun being really happy"). Next up: "rampant American poverty", as well as a favorite of mine, "evolution".

Way too many Americans look like this...thanks for doing your part NYC.

As American As Apple Pie

With Hanukkah just one week away, Christmas a little over two weeks away, and the New Year a little over three weeks away, I think it's time to officially kick off the Holiday Season!

And, what better to celebrate this glorious occasion than a classic holiday video with a new twist...ENJOY!

There's Always Time For 'Time'

This week's issue of Time magazine has a small article in the 'Notebook' section that discusses how the U.S. government is looking to revise the citizenship test to "focus less on memory and more on understanding" (you can read it online here). They listed the following 10 sample questions, and a goal of 6 questions correct to "pass". Unfortunately, for the amount of people I know that would get 6 of these questions correct, I know about 10 times as many that would get less than 6 questions correct (many of which would likely get closer to NONE right). I think I know one person that has a shot at getting all 10 of these questions right...consider that a challenge Mr. Cooper!...that is, unless you've already read your copy of Time...don't cheat! For the rest of you, give it a shot (the answers are at the bottom of this post).

Oh...how many did I get right, you ask? Well...9 out of 10, unfortunately...DAMN YOU, USELESS MOUNTAIN TRIVIA!

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1. What do we call the first 10 amendments to the Constitution?
2. The House of Representatives has how many voting members?
3. What Cabinet-level agency advises the President on foreign policy?
4. Who is the Chief Justice of the Supreme Court now?
5. What does it mean that the U.S. Constitution is a constitution of limited powers?
6. What is the current minimum wage in the U.S.?
7. What are "inalienable rights"?
8. Name one of the writers of the Federalist Papers.
9. What territory did the United States buy from France in 1803?
10. What is the tallest mountain in the United States?

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[Answers: (1) the Bill of Rights; (2) 435; (3) the State Department; (4) John Roberts; (5) the Federal Government has only the powers that the Constitution states that it has, or the states have all powers that the Federal Government does not; (6) $5.15; (7) rights that people are born with; (8) James Madison, Alexander Hamilton or John Jay; (9) Louisiana, or the Louisiana Territory; (10) Mount McKinley, or Denal]

Don't Wanna Be An American Idiot

Ok, I'm trying not to judge, America. You've consistently made The Tonight Show with Jay Leno the #1 late night talk show...I stayed silent. You've enjoyed watching American Idol, eating fast food, and reading USA Today...I've looked the other way. You've even elected and, more amazingly, RE-elected George W. Bush in 2000 and 2004...I sucked it up (after many weeks of depression that would come to be cured by a Democratic landslide victory in the 2006 midterm elections). But now, you've crossed the line...

According to an MSNBC report regarding fraudulent emails sent out by those infamous "princes" of African nations, Americans have spent an estimated $185 million dollars on these scam emails, each sending thousands and thousands of dollars off in an attempt to "claim their fortune"..............WHAT!?!?!?!

First question...who is sending this money?
Next...how long have they been using drugs and/or eating paint chips?
And lastly...are we allowed, as concerned citizens, to physically harm these individuals?

Quite frankly, I'm stunned. Look, America, I'm willing to be reasonable. I'll pretend that pumping your money into casino slot machines is not the same as flushing your money down a toilet, but you have to promise to STOP SENDING MONEY TO SCAM EMAILS!!!

[NOTE: If you're having trouble figuring out which emails are scams, here's a good rule to follow: once you get the email, take a few minutes to punch yourself in the face; if, after you're done, you still think it's a good idea to send money to an email you randomly received, go for it.]

In Triple-OT, Rutgers-39 West Virginia-41

Both literally and figuratively slipped through their fingers.