See You At The Movies

It's simply incredible how packed this Summer Blockbuster Season is with movie releases. I'm starting to think it might be best to just set up camp in the parking lot of my movie theater, emerging from my tent every Friday to see the week's new releases.

Thanks to the Entertainment Weekly 'Summer Movie Preview' issue, I've managed to wrap my head around the behemoth that is the summer movie season. My breakdown of each month's 'Must-See' movies, 'Cautiously Optimistic' movies, and 'Just Say No' movies is actually more for my own benefit than for your blog reading enjoyment, but I'm glad I get to include everyone in my borderline obsessive interest in movies. Here we go...

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~ May ~
Bring on the Three-quels

Must-See:

• Spider-Man 3......Sure, the critics reviews have been mixed, but I think I'll go see a movie that world moviegoers just spent 375 million dollars on in THREE DAYS! [May 4]
• 28 Weeks Later......I just don't know why but I have this affinity for movies involving zombies (not to be confused with 'zombie movies', which are more campy than realistic). I guess it has something to do with wondering how I'd survive if this were to actually happen...oh, who am I kidding, I'd be infected within the first five minutes. [May 11]
  

Cautiously Optimistic:

• Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End......There's no denying, Pirates 2 was not very good story-wise. Then again, most middle movies of a trilogy suffer with a story that, by it's very nature, is in limbo. That being said, I expect a great concluding chapter from what used to be the highest grossing weekend opener ever (Spider-Man 3 has challenged you Pirates 3...the ball's in your ship). [May 25]
• Shrek 3......The problem I had with Shrek 2 was that the movie felt like it had become aware of itself, making what amounted to elaborate, but not overly funny, inside-jokes. I'm assuming now that The Office's John Krasinski is part of the cast, everything will be a-OK. [May 18]

Just Say No:

• Georgia Rule......If I want to see Lindsey Lohan being "a raucous girl [that] proves too much trouble for her mother", I'll just watch VH1's Best Week Ever, thank you very much. [May 11]
  
• Lucky You......I've been mocking this movie ever since it's intended release years ago. It's too bad the producers of this film didn't know when to fold'em. [May 4]

~ June ~
Comedy, Action, and Drama, Oh My

Must-See:

• Knocked Up......Thanks to an early screening by Mr. Cooper, we already know this will be the comedy hit of the summer. And why wouldn't it be? It involves Seth Rogen and a sex-related storyline. Sold! [June 1]
  
• Live Free or Die Hard......After twelve long years, John McClane is back! I'm not sure anyone was really asking for this, but we're damn happy to receive it. Is there any chance that Jeremy Iron's character will make a cameo? [June 27]
  
• A Mighty Heart......I think we're looking at our summer Oscar buzz movie, or at least a potential Oscar-worthy performance by Angelina Jolie playing the widow of Daniel Pearl. [June 22]
  

Cautiously Optimistic:

• Ocean's Thirteen......Yes, they forgot to actually create a coherent storyline for Ocean's Twelve, but I'm willing to forgive. Then again, the "thirteen" addition appears to be actress Ellen Barkin, who I really don't care for very much. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, I stop trusting Steven Soderbergh. [June 8]
• Evan Almighty......Sequels without the original leading actors don't usually go so well (Dumb and Dumberer anyone?). However, I'm not sure that applies to sequels that have Steve Carell stepping in. God willing (pun intended), this will be the exception to the rule. [June 22]
  
• Sicko......What's with all the secrecy surrounding Michael Moore's newest documentary about the health-care industry? I'm not sure if that's a good sign or a bad sign, but one thing is for sure...everyone's clamoring for more Moore! [June ?]
  

Just Say No:

• Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer......HBO's Saturday movie premiere night tricked me into seeing the first Fantastic Four. I could have saved a couple of hours and just punched myself in the brain a few times. [June 15]
• Surf's Up......Oh look, an animated movie about penguins, and they're surfing this time, wow, how creative...STOP WITH THE PENGUINS! [June 8]
  
• Mr. Brooks......I'm definitely intrigued by a thriller starring Kevin Costner as the killer, especially when the supporting cast includes William Hurt, Demi Moore, and...comedian Dane Cook !? Umm, no thanks. [June 1]
  

~ July ~

Goodbye Summer Sun, Hello Darkness of Theater

Must-See:

• The Simpsons Movie......Talk about anticipation. There is so much expectation wrapped around this movie, it may end up being the greatest movie or biggest disappointment of the summer. Either way, you can guarantee I'll be there on opening night. [June 27]
• Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix......Quite honestly, I thought the last Harry Potter was just not as good as it should have been (Alfonso Cuaron's Prisoner of Azkaban is the level of excellence by which all future Harry Potter movies should strive to achieve). That being said, Phoenix director David Yates looks like an "off the beaten path" type of director, so hopefully things will be back on track this installment. [July 13]
  
• Transformers......And, my childhood dreams are fulfilled. With the coveted Independence Day weekend release, I'm predicting a massive opening for a movie that will draw father and son alike. [July 4]

Cautiously Optimistic:

• License to Wed......This looks like it will be a good date movie for me and my fiance, but a Hollywood insider (Mr. Cooper, of course) has been saying the early buzz surrounding this movie is less than good. Then again, the mushy nature of romantic comedies usually results in apathy by reviewers. [July 4]
  
• Hairspray......I haven't seen the Broadway version, but I just can't ignore a movie where John Travolta plays an obese singing woman. [July 20]
  
• Rescue Dawn......A Vietnam POW movie starring Christian Bale...interesting. But Steve Zahn? I'm just not sure. [July 4]

Just Say No:

• I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry......It's possible that I'm wrong about this one, but I'm guessing this movie is more 'cheap homophobic bits' funny than "creative social satire' funny. Not to mention, Kevin James is simply awful and Adam Sandler has become a comedic flop-making machine. [July 20]
  
• No Reservations......Catherine Zeta-Jones and Aaron Eckhart in a "romantic drama" about high-end chefs. Wow, I think I just heard the entire movie industry let out a collective yawn. [July 27]
  
• 1408......Simply put, this movie is about an evil hotel room. So very, very creative. The only thing more cliched than evil hotel rooms are horror movies that are released on Friday the 13th...oh boy. [July 13]
  

~ August ~
All Good Summers Must Come To An End

Must-See:

• The Bourne Ultimatum......With the success of the first and second installments, moviegoers have spoken about their genuine excitement for the Bourne series. Ultimatum will likely prove to be a worthy ending for both the trilogy and the summer movie season as a whole. [August 3]
  
• The Invasion......There is a chance that this movie will not be as good as I think/hope it will be. Still, I just can't see a Body Snatchers remake that attracted Nicole Kidman and Daniel Craig being anything less than alien movie fun. [August 17]
  

Cautiously Optimistic:

• Rush Hour 3......Is it possible that this comic duo has simply passed its prime? Yes. Do I want to see Jackie Chan use a fly swatter to take down an army of bad guys and then escape by jumping through a doggy door? Yes and yes. [August 10]
  
• The Brothers Solomon......This is a tough one. On the one hand you have the Arrested Development's Will Arnett and SNL's Will Forte, both of whom are pretty darn funny. On the other hand, Will Forte was also in the movie Beerfest. I think I'll check out the critics on this one. [August 31]
  

Just Say No:

• Halloween......Nobody asked for this, nobody wants this, and you're not fooling anyone by not attaching a number to the end of this movie. [August 31]
• El Cantante......Note to Jennifer Lopez: stop making movies with your 'flavors of the week'! Actually, just stop making movies. [August 1]

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Coming Soon...

With the release of Spider-Man 3, you know what that means.....

it's the SUMMER BLOCKBUSTER SEASON!!!

Stay tuned for my take on the potential movie hits and misses for what many are calling "The Summer of Sequels".

And The Winner Is...Reagan?

Ah, nothing gets you going like a 90-minute debate between ten rambunctious politicians. As I watched the candidates take the stage, I couldn't help but realize just how diverse the Republican candidates really are: some of them were pale, some of them were tan; some were old, some were older; some of them had their comb-overs parted to the left, some had them parted to the right; some thought the day Roe v. Wade gets overturned would be a great day, some thought it would be the greatest day.

All kidding aside, I think this was a really interesting debate and shed a ton of light on the status of all three front-runner candidates, as well as the entire lot of "other candidates". Let the analysis begin!

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The Winner: Mitt Romney.....A few reasons why Romney comes out on top. First, he wins the award for "Most Polished, Presidential Looking" of all ten candidates. Second, and more importantly, he was most successful at clearly and concisely conveying his positions on the issues. Now, Romney may not be the answer the conservative base is looking for, but he did something very important in this first debate: he proved, just like he did with his fund raising, that he's a force to be reckoned with.

1st Runner Up: Rudolph Giuliani.....Giuliani came across as, well, himself. Which is a good thing, because when Republicans look at Giuliani they already see a leader. There's no doubt that Giuliani had some trouble treading water with social issues, and this will haunt him the entire primary race. Still, Giuliani has a lot of strong talking points on issues like security and leadership, and when Giuliani speaks, people listen.

The Loser: John McCain.....Wow, just wow. This, in my opinion, is the story of the night. Senator John McCain was simply awful. I don't even know where to begin, he came across poorly on so many levels: visually speaking, he came across as angry, threatening, and extremely nervous; he rambled and stumbled time and time again while speaking, showing a lack of coherence in his thoughts; his positions were unidentifiable (I don't know if he hates Bush policy or loves it...I don't know if he knows anymore!); and his over-the-top language was just stunning (he said we will "follow Bin Laden to the gates of Hell"...and then let out a massive grin...what!?). This has 'self-destruct' written all over it and, even though it may not happen as a result of this singular debate, it's only a matter of time until John McCain parks the 'Straight Talk Express' back in the station.

And, The Rest of Them...I expected Mike Huckabee to come out of this debate like Joe Biden in the Democratic debate, namely as the clear #4 guy. Unfortunately for him, and the rest of them, I think there were just too many candidates for any of those beyond the top three to really shine. Representatives Hunter, Paul, and Tancredo, as well as Senator Brownback, really just proved that they were good enough for the legislative branch of government, and Former Virginia Governor Jim Gilmore seemed like an intelligent, genuine guy with nothing really unique to offer. That leaves Former Wisconsin Governor Tommy Thompson, who I believe should take home the award for "Most Unbelievable Statement of the Night", and I quote:

[Moderator]: Governor Thompson...if a private employer finds homosexuality immoral, should he be allowed to fire a gay worker?

[Thompson]: (pause) I think that is left up to the individual business. I really sincerely believe that that is an issue that business people have got to make their own determination as to whether or not they should be.

[Moderator]: So the answer is 'yes'?

[Thompson]: Yes.

And there you have it, folks! Tommy Thompson, the former Governor of Wisconsin, advocating for the abolition of equal employment opportunities in America! Quite honestly, I don't know why he's not running his entire campaign on this one issue alone! Oh.....because it's a position of ignorance and bigotry.....right.

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I leave you will one final thought as the evening's proceedings come to a close.....if Representative Sam Brownback is ever the subject of a Hollywood film, he will be played by Saturday Night Live alumnus Joe Piscopo. Discuss.

Grand Old Debate

Are you considering voting for a cross dressing, cousin marrying, twice divorced, temperamental former NYC mayor? Or, how about the commander of the 'Straight Talk Express', which seems to have jumped the tracks and crashed into Bullshit Mountain a few months ago? How about someone with less baggage...like a Mormon? Well, have I got good news for you!

It's the Republicans' turn! Watch MSNBC Thursday night at 8pm to see McCain v. Giuliani v. Romney v. Huckabee v. Six Other Republicans You've Never Heard Of.

It should be an interesting night, and I eagerly await the tight rope walk that will be each candidate confronting the situation in Iraq, a situation born out of the unchecked power of a particular reckless Republican leader (I'll give you a hint...his name starts with 'G' and ends with 'Dubya').

RU In Esquire

I can't believe Mr. Cooper missed this one...Rutgers made it's way into Esquire magazine's list of '60 Things Worth Shortening Your Life For'.

Coming in at #25..."The Fat Darrell at the R.U. Grill & Pizza in New Brunswick, New Jersey. Considering his namesake sandwich is made up of chicken fingers, mozzarella sticks, and french fries, its' a wonder that Darell is still with us (and trim)."

I'm proud to say that I can check this one off my list...although, I hope spending the past two years eating healthy and getting in shape has resulted in retrieving that span of life Mr. Darrell so effortlessly took away from me that hungry Saturday evening.

The Democrats Have Spoken

And there you have it, the first presidential debate of the 2008 election.

I have to say, I really enjoyed the debate. Sure, there weren't a ton of fireworks (maybe a few roman candles fired off here and there, especially when the lower profile candidates started duking it out with the higher profile candidates towards the end over the issue of military force), and some parts of the debate proceedings were a tad tacky. For example...hand vote questions? Really? Couldn't you just go with 'yes' or 'no' answers from the candidates? I'm just scared we're on a slippery slope here, and by next year we're going to have the candidates answering word association questions ("Ok, this one's for you Senator Clinton.....'Monica'.) All kidding aside, it was really great to see all the candidates in one place and to really find out which of them, in this early stage, truly has the potential to last all the way to November 2008.

Here are my picks for the winners and losers of tonight's debate...

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Biggest Winner: Hillary Clinton...For someone who had nowhere to go but down, and was likely going to be the political target of the night, Hillary handled herself incredibly well. She had great poise, she communicated her views rather effectively, and she really proved why she is leading the Democratic contenders right now. Mr. Cooper made a great point in our post-debate discussion, namely that for the first time he actually feels like he could potentially vote for Hillary, and I completely agree.

First Runner-Up: Joe Biden...Biden really came across as a well-spoken, likable guy with some serious policy plans (including an Iraq political strategy unlike any other candidate). I really think events like these will help give the Biden campaign a much needed boost along the primary campaign trail.

Second Runner-Up: (TIE) John Edwards & Barack Obama...To describe both John Edwards and Barack Obama I'd say this: neither of them were overly-impressive, they each had a few minor problems, and, when all is said and done, they both ended up looking like adequate candidates. For Edwards I don't think this is a big deal because he has been relatively successful in his third place status, but for Obama, who has been hyped to the extreme from day one, this may end up being the theme of his campaign, namely that he doesn't live up to the hype.

The Small Surprise: Dennis Kucinich...This is probably because Mike Gravel ended up filling the role of 'looney toon' (more on this below), but Dennis Kucinich really held his own on a stage full of "legitimate candidates". Kucinich really presented himself as a serious candidate with serious positions, even if those positions tended to be radical ones. Would I ever vote for him? No, but at least now I'm listening.

Nothing Lost, Nothing Gained: Chris Dodd...In this debate, Dodd was really just a non-entity. Simple as that. He seems like a nice enough guy, though.

The Joke: Mike Gravel...Ohhhhhh boy. Get the straight-jacket ready, this guy is NUTS! He was successful in this debate if the American people want a self-absorbed crybaby for their president. Not to mention, I've now seen this guy deliver three interviews on MSNBC and on EVERY one of them he's cursed while answering questions. Very classy.

Biggest Loser: Bill Richardson...This, for me, is the biggest shock of the night. So many political pundits had Richardson listed as there "most likely of the lower tier candidates to break out as a result of this debate" pick. QUITE the opposite. He failed on every possible level, including having the appearance of being both angry and constipated (although, if he was truly constipated, I guess it would follow that he would be angry about that), observing horrible debate conduct especially with regard to time limits, and delivering answers that were just plain terrible! What a huge disappointment! I really wanted to see Richardson go further, but I'm afraid his campaign goose is cooked.

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What it all boils down to is which of these candidates "looked presidential". The answer, in my opinion, is: definitely Hillary, surely Biden and Edwards, and barely Obama. As for the rest of the pack: no way. So, my prediction is that we see Hillary, Obama, Edwards, and Biden still in the race come the day of the first primary election (assuming that none of them do anything in the meantime to self-destruct their campaign...and assuming Al Gore doesn't get in.) From then on, it all depends on how those early primary results turn out.

I conclude here with something I was really happy to see with tonight's debate: a sense of cordiality and respectable informality among the Democratic candidates. It's likely that as the primary dates get closer the candidates will get more ruthless, but it was very politically savvy of the mainstream and secondary Democratic candidates to come to this sort of unofficial campaign peace treaty so that they may demonstrate to the American people that civil discourse is not only preferable, it's actually embraced by the Democratic Party. I also bring this up to highlight my prediction that the Republican debate next Thursday is likely to be much less pleasant, mainly because these Republicans will have to answer questions in front of the general television viewing population of the country and not just some tiny republican base-filled event hall, and answers like "the surge plan is making progress in Iraq" and "we're fighting them over there so we don't have to fight them over here" just aren't going to cut it.

Oh Happy Day!

Finally, the day has come! The first debates of the 2008 presidential campaign season are here! Even with soooo many months left until primary season, we political junkies (and the other 70% of Americans thoroughly disgusted with the current occupants of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue) are blessed with the opportunity to scrutinize those individuals that may or may not become the new head honcho come January 2009.

Tomorrow night at 7 pm (exclusively on MSNBC), the Democrats will duke it out in a no-holds-barred political debate moderated by none other than the affable Brian Williams...and by "no-holds-barred" I'm referring to such possibilities as Joe Biden proudly announcing his newest slogan "Joe Biden: The Other White Meat", or Dennis Kucinich unveiling his newest Iraq plan of pulling all the troops out by "the conclusion of this debate". Next Thursday at 8 pm (also only on MSNBC), the Republicans will have their turn with Chris Matthews at the moderator's table. The areas where all Republican candidates will likely agree: while continuing the search for Bin Laden it's very important to "never forget the lessons of Pearl Harbor", George Bush is the closest any person has ever come to being as great as Jesus Christ, and supporting abortion rights and gay rights was "soooo my previous term".

For the Democrats tomorrow night, I expect each of the candidates to do the following: Hilary will try to come across as strong AND warm (expect one heckuva pants suit coupled with a glowing smile); Obama will need to prove that there's substance behind those grand speeches, while making sure to keep the charm flowing (I predict the phrase 'the American people' will be uttered over 100 times by Obama alone); Edwards has to remind people why he deserves to maintain front runner status (his $750 pedicure and manicure should help); Biden needs to shout as loud as possible to make sure he's not forgotten (HOWEVER, he needs to tread carefully in the political waters around him...PLEASE do not try and make a joke along the lines of "What do you get when you mix a few white men, one woman, a black man, and a Hispanic man? This debate!...And also, the American people." Please, Joe, please don't.); Chris Dodd and Bill Richardson have to prove, once and for all, who is the better Spanish speaker (And NO, Biden, you're not allowed to attempt Spanish words and phrases because you'll end up saying something like "Los niños de Americanos son muy feos"...look it up); Dennis Kucinich has to try and keep the audience from laughing at him, and Mike Gravel (yeah, I don't know who the hell he is either) has to keep the police from trying to escort him off the stage as a "debate crasher".

Well, this is it America, there's no turning back now. The only question I have left as we prepare for what can only be described as 'political history in the making'...how long will it take one of the candidates to accidentally refer to Barack Obama as 'Senator Osama' and/or discuss how we need to continue the hunt for 'Obama Bin Laden'......Damn it, Biden!

You Have Entered...The Twilight Zone

==>April 17th: Word got out that Democratic Presidential Candidate John Edwards allowed his campaign committee to pick up the tab for two of his recent haircuts...which cost $400 each. This story made me realize that every news week must have at least one hair-related news story...Britney shaves her head...the horror-tastic Sanjaya hairdos...even Don Imus's hair-raising comments (you see what I did there?). Who will be the subject of this week's hair-related news story? Only time will tell.

==>April 19th: When asked during an interview whose idea it was to start a pre-emptive war in Iraq, Karl Rove responded "I think it was Osama Bin Laden's." To be fair, Bin Laden was one of the worst dictators Iraq had ever seen...wait, didn't Bin Laden used to go by a different name when he was an Iraqi dictator? 'Saddam' something or other? Eh, I must be mistaken.

==>April 21st: Students of Turner County High School in Ashburn, Georgia held an integrated prom, with black and white students attending the same prom, for the first time ever. The explanation of "It's always been a tradition since my daddy was in school..." was given by one of the students. Well then, dear, your daddy and your community are what the rest of us call 'racists'.

==>April 23rd: After a meeting with Gen. David Petraeus, President Bush stated "There's been some progress [in Iraq]. There's been some horrific bombings, of course. There's also been a decline in sectarian violence." So, which was it in Iraq today: "progress" and declining violence, or "horrific bombings"? Let's take a look...

• 9 U.S. soldiers killed in suicide car bomb with 20 more U.S. soldiers and 1 Iraqi civilian wounded.
• 1 U.S. soldier killed in Muqtadya in roadside bomb.
• 6 Iraqi police officers, including 1 police general, killed in a suicide car bomb in Baquba.
• 20 Iraqi civilians killed and 35 more wounded by suicide car bomb at a restaurant in Ramadi.
• 4 Iraqi civilians and police killed, with 6 more wounded, in a suicide car bomb just outside of Ramadi.
• 7 Iraqis killed and 16 more wounded when a suicide bomber detonated an explosive vest inside of a restaurant near the Green Zone.
• 10 people dead and 20 more wounded by suicide car bomb in Tal Uskuf.
• A mosque in southwest Baghdad was bombed, with a mosque guard being killed during entry into the mosque to set explosives.
• Two parked car bombs exploded near Iran's embassy.

Hmmm...I think it was more of a "horrific bombings" day, kind of like the other 1,450+ days since President Bush's banner declared "Mission Accomplished" on the deck of the USS Abraham Lincoln.

Earth Day, The Bill Maher Way

New Rule: From now on Earth Day really must be a year round thing. And in honor of this Earth Day, starting Monday supermarket clerks must stop putting the big bottle of detergent with a handle on it in a plastic bag. I don't mean to tell you how to do your job, but you see that handle you just lifted the detergent with?

I can use that same handle to carry the detergent to my car. And stop putting my liquor in a smaller paper sack before you put it in the big paper sack with my other stuff. What, are you afraid my groceries will think less of me if they see I've been drinking? Trust me, the broccoli doesn't care, and the condoms already know.

Here's a quote from Albert Einstein: "if the bee disappeared off the surface of the globe, then man would have only four years of life left. No more bees, no more pollination, no more plants, no more animals, no more man." Well, guess what? The bees are disappearing. In massive numbers. All around the world. And if you think I'm being alarmist and that, "Oh, they'll figure out some way to pollinate the plants..." No, they've tried. For a lot of what we eat, only bees work. And they're not working. They're gone. It's called Colony Collapse Disorder, when the hive's inhabitants suddenly disappear, and all that's left are a few queens and some immature workers -- like when a party winds down at Elton John's house. Also, if your stinger stays up more than 48 hours, call your doctor.

But I think we're the ones suffering from Colony Collapse Disorder. Because although nobody really knows for sure what's killing the bees, it's not al-Qaeda, and it's not God doing some of his Old Testament shtick, and it's not Winnie the Pooh. It's us. It could be from pesticides, or genetically modified food, or global warming, or the high-fructose corn syrup we started to feed them. Recently it was discovered that bees won't fly near cell phones -- the electromagnetic signals they emit might screw up the bees navigation system, knocking them out of the sky. So thanks guy in line at Starbucks, you just killed us. It's nature's way of saying, "Can you hear me now?"

Last week I asked: If it solved global warming, would you give up the TV remote and go back to carting your fat ass over to the television set every time you wanted to change the channel. If that was the case in America, I think Americans would watch one channel forever. If it comes down to the cell phone vs. the bee, will we choose to literally blather ourselves to death? Will we continue to tell ourselves that we don't have to solve environmental problems -- we can just adapt: build sea walls instead of stopping the ice caps from melting. Don't save the creatures of the earth and oceans, just learn to eat the slime and jellyfish that nothing can kill, like Chinese restaurants are already doing.

Maybe you don't need to talk on your cell phone all the time. Maybe you don't' need a bag when you buy a keychain. Americans throw out 100 billion plastic bags a year, and they all take a thousand years to decompose. Your children's children's children's children will never know you but they'll know you once bought batteries at the 99 cent store because the bag will still be caught in the tree. Except there won't be trees. Sunday is Earth Day. Please educate someone about the birds and the bees, because without bees, humans become the canary in the coal mine, and we make bad canaries because we're already such sheep.

[From the April 20th episode of HBO's 'Real Time with Bill Maher']

To My Fiance...

I can't wait for tonight's BIRTHDAY BONANZA...which will really just include eating pasta and cake, and opening presents while the kids freak out...I can't wait!

I'm Calling It...Maybe

I'm going to go out on a limb here and predict that by 5:00pm tomorrow evening, Friday April 20th, 2007, Alberto Gonzales will have tendered his resignation as the Attorney General of the United States.

If I'm right, I will have proven my keen political sense and thus I request to have an M.A. in the field of politics conferred upon me immediately.

If I'm wrong...well...I'm wrong. And I will cower in shame until next Friday evening, when I will likely post this prediction again.

[UPDATE: Damn!]

Gun Laws Kill People

He was referred to the campus disciplinary system by police after stalking a female student on campus...he was named in an unwanted contact complaint to police by yet another female student...he was reported to police as being suicidal...he was sent to an off campus counseling center and detained at a mental health center for several days...he was reported to an academic department by a professor after receiving disturbing writings...and, even with all these documented incidences, he had no trouble purchasing a Glock 19 handgun and a box of ammunition.

Nope, not a thing wrong with American gun control laws.

Abstinence Makes The Heart Grow Fonder

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$1.5 Billion Abstinence Drive 'Waste'

NEW YORK. A sum of $1.5 billion spent by the US Government to promote sexual abstinence in teenagers over the past decade may have been entirely wasted, a study produced for Congress indicates.

The six-year study conducted by Mathematica Policy Research followed the sexual behavior of more than 2,000 teenagers. It indicated that those who had received abstinence-based sexual education exhibited almost identical behavior to those who had had a more conventional education.

Teenagers from both groups had the same average age for their first sexual experience: 14.9 years. One quarter in both groups had had sex with three or more partners.

President Bush has been a proponent of abstinence-based education, with federal funding rising steadily under his Administration.

[From Times Online, April 16 2007]

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What Movies To See...Last Year

OK, I know it may seem a little strange to be posting my 'Top Ten Movies of 2006' at this point, well over 3 months into the year 2007, but I can explain. With the recent viewing of The Last King of Scotland (which did not end up making the list), I now feel as though I've seen a sufficient amount of 2006 movies to declare my list "closed" to any further changes. Moreover, considering that just about all of these movies have finally been released on DVD, it's now a perfect opportunity for you to bask in my infinite movie wisdom as you prepare your Netflix queue for the coming weeks.

As for the methodology used to create this list, it's really just my own informal consideration that is best summed up by the claim that these ten movies provide the best overall cinematic experience out of the pool of movies released in 2006. So, without further ado...

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10. Babel......It's the weakest of the Academy Award Best Picture nominees, but it still remains a very ambitious undertaking by a great director, namely Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu.

9. Casino Royale......A younger, edgier Bond mixed in with a good story, solid action, and a high-stakes Texas Hold'em poker game. Basically brings shame to all the Pierce Brosnan Bond movies.

8. Children of Men......One of the most visually stunning movies of the year, thanks to the film making genius that is Alfanso Cuaron. The story may not blow you away, but the camera work definitely will.

7. Borat......A redefinition of what can be accomplished in the comedy (and somewhat documentary) genre. One scene in particular is guaranteed to be like nothing you've ever seen on film.

6. An Inconvenient Truth......Any documentary that is able to successfully catapult its issue to the front of the national dialogue is an overwhelming success. When it also resuscitates the image of a great political figure, that's just amazing.

5. Letters From Iwo Jima......More than just a war film, this movie takes storytelling to a powerful level. The characters resonate, especially Ken Watanabe who should have easily been in the Best Actor race over Will Smith.

4. Little Miss Sunshine......Casting at it's finest, easily the best ensemble cast of the year. It's a one-two punch to the funny bone and to the heart.

3. The Queen......I couldn't believe how enthralled I was with yet another movie about a queen of England. Maybe it has something to do with Helen Mirren being so unbelievable, the script being so great, and the drama being so real.

2. Little Children......A stunning film that proves several things: 1) Kate Winslet has more acting talent that most of the actresses of her generation combined, 2) the use of voice-over in film can be an incredible tool in storytelling when employed appropriately, and 3) suburban life can get pretty intense.

1. The Departed......The top few movies here are rather close (and, on any given day, I feel as though I could argue them in any order), but it's The Departed that has one thing I'm just not sure the other movies have: it's destined to be a classic.

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BREAKING NEWS

DNA tests confirm Anna Nicole Smith's mother Virgie Arthur NOT the biological father of Smith's baby daughter Dannielynn. Stay tuned for more developments.

Happy Peeps Day!

Eat Peeps. Be happy.

Tell Us How You Really Feel, Bill

Never in a million years did I think I would say the following...
Nice job, Geraldo Rivera!

Q: Has Dick Cheney Become Marginalized In The Bush White House?

A: This priceless video clip from C-SPAN.

A Healthy Dose of Perspective

This past week I decided to start reading The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini, a former New York Times Bestseller and upcoming adapted film directed by Marc Foster (Finding Neverland, Stranger Than Fiction), which will be released later this year...2008 Oscar Season, here we come!

Why, you ask, did I start reading this book? Well, would you believe me if I said my independent intellectual curiosity for world literature was just too strong to ignore? Yeah, I didn't think so. It turns out my fiance is teaching the book to her 12th grade world literature class, a decision I applaud her school for making considering I can't remember anything nearly as contemporary and interesting being part of the curriculum during my senior year.

The events of the story, clearly based on the life experiences of Hosseini, are fictionalized within the historical background of modern Afghanistan. I can't get over how Hosseini, a career physician, was able to write such an interesting first book. I think it's precisely his amateur level of experience as a writer that makes the story feel even more real and accessible to the reader. Reading this book is like eating a piece of sponge cake: you start off taking a little piece here and a little piece there, and before you know it you're halfway done eating the entire cake!

Read this book...and now I have a craving for sponge cake. New rule: no more food analogies in my blog posts.

Bush To America: Progress Made In Iraq

April Fools !!!

Straight Talk Express Blows Another Tire

I think it's pretty safe to say that being a "front-runner" in the 2008 presidential race has become more of a liability than an asset for candidates in both parties. Sure, they have leading poll numbers now, but were still so very far from the actual primaries, which gives the public plenty of time to soak in baskets upon baskets of dirty laundry, so to speak.

Check out the latest hiccup for the McCain campaign (below)...this could be a big deal if it spreads to more mainstream news sources and gains legitimacy in the eyes of the republican base. Oh, McCain, McCain, McCain. You just can't win can you, both figuratively and literally?

'Democrats Say McCain Nearly Abandoned GOP'
(TheHill.com, 03/29/07)

Internet Lesson #439 - Don't Cross A Web Designer

It appears that for a short period of time on Tuesday this special message appeared on John McCain's MySpace page...

I really wish I would have seen this before knowing the explanation behind it, because I think the shock would have ultimately resulted in my pants being ruined. The explanation, as Keith Olbermann's blog states, is that "the site was hacked over a breach of netiquette by McCain's web people, who were using a free page template without giving credit, and 'hotlinking' images from the designer's site, using his bandwidth."

The best part...the guy responsible openly discusses the entire incident on his website. Somebody needs to give this guy an award for 'Most Hilarious Copyright Infringement-Related Revenge'.

Keith Olbermann's Special Comment: DeLay's Delusions

[From the March 27th broadcast of Countdown with Keith Olbermann, airing weeknights at 8pm on MSNBC]

_____________________________________________________

The quote, with the context sucked out from around it, is astonishing.

In a new book, former Republican leader of the House Tom DeLay writes, “Liberals have finally joined the ranks of scoundrels like Hitler.”

But, restore the context, as with anything else, and you change the meaning of any quote.

In this case, you make it worse.

Mr. DeLay is comparing how he’s been treated to how the world was treated by Hitler and the Nazis.

The book is called “No Retreat, No Surrender: One American’s Fight.” It has been officially out for nearly two weeks, and it has not cracked The New York Times top 30. So the fact of this one quotation, first noted only last week by The Jewish Daily Forward, could have easily slipped through the cracks.

But even though nobody seems to be reading his book, Mr. DeLay is nonetheless referring to what he calls a lie — the accusation that he violated campaign-finance laws in Texas, for which he was indicted.

And on page 156 he writes:

I believe it was Adolf Hitler who first acknowledged that the big lie ...

Look, stop right there, Mr. DeLay.

If you’re going to throw around Hitler’s name, research the reference, huh? As suggested on The Huffington Post, we have many useful Internet search engines now.

If you type in “Big Lie, Hitler” into the one called “Google,” you get 1,320,000 results.

I believe it was Adolf Hitler who first acknowledged that the big lie is more effective than the little lie, because the big lie is so audacious, such an astonishing immorality, that people have a hard time believing anyone would say it if it wasn’t true.

You know, the big lie — like the Holocaust never happened or dark-skinned people are less intelligent than light-skinned people. Well, by charging this big lie about money laundering, liberals have finally joined the ranks of scoundrels like Hitler.

OK, where do we start here? Let’s try the gentlest interpretation.

Mr. DeLay believes that the accusation that he violated Texas campaign finance laws is on some kind of par with claims that light-skinned people are more intelligent than dark-skinned people.

Now that’s the gentlest one.

The somewhat less kind interpretation? He’s equating anybody, charging him — just him — with anything, even if it were a lie, with the Nazis.

Just by going after Tom DeLay, you are like that old “scoundrel” Hitler.

So Tom DeLay is as important as — what? — democracy in 1930s Germany?

Poland in 1939?

The Jewish people?

So Mr. DeLay, go back to your Google and type in the name “Tom DeLay” and the phrase “Delusions of Grandeur.”

And you get 11,500 results.
_____________________________________________________

A Step Forward...

'House 218 to 212, Votes to Set Date for Iraq Pullout'

(New York Times, 03/24/07)

Is Someone Gearing Up For A 'Head of State' Sequel?

Wait for the last line, it's totally worth it.

Four Years And Counting...

It's moments like these that really make me hope the
Biden presidential campaign will grow legs.

'Funny Because It's True' 200th Post !!!

Wow...200 posts in just under a year, not too shabby. To celebrate this occasion, I've gone through all 200 posts from 'Funny Because It's True' and selected my ten favorite posts. Enjoy!

#10. It's Sideburns (01/24/07)

#9. Dela-where? (04/06/06)

#8. It's Like Music...With Video (01/18/07)

#7. Progress in New Jersey...Shame in Virginia (02/18/07)

#6. 2006 Summer Movie Season Wrap-Up (09/08/06)

#5. I Love NY (12/13/06)

#4. A Picture Is Worth A Thousand Clicks (04/16/06)

#3. The People Have Spoken (11/08/06)

#2. A Knight To Remember (11/11/06)

#1. Welcome to the Fun (03/23/06)

Give This Woman An Oscar!!!

Hey Judge...last time I checked, a person's eyes
aren't located on the back of their head.

The 'FOX' Strikes Again

I'm no longer surprised by how incredibly biased Fox "News" Channel is, but I still can't get passed moments like these where Fox News consciously decides that lies are their best option for "reporting" a news story their way...

Hmmm...the last time I checked, being found GUILTY of four out of five counts of perjury and/or obstruction of justice is, by it's very essence, the opposite of being found "NOT GUILTY". Then again, there are always two sides to every story, so even though most news channels reported that Scooter Libby was found guilty, it's perfectly normal for Fox News to report the opposite...oh wait, did I say 'normal'? I meant to say completely irresponsible, unprofessional, and simply despicable.

By the way...is there irony to be found in the fact that Fox News lied about whether someone was found guilty or not guilty of lying? So many lies...my head hurts.

Best. DVD. Ever.

Buy this moviefilm!

Vice President McCain?

No, I'm not talking about John McCain being the Vice Presidential running mate to the 2008 Republican nominee...I'm talking about Senator McCain becoming the Vice President within the next few months. I wish I could claim that I have some sort of insider info here, but this is all just a collection of various puzzle pieces, if you will, that I've observed over the past weeks and months that just might fit together. Take a look at the pieces, and decide for yourself...

• President Bush's approval ratings are somewhere around the low 30's and have been there for quite some time; additionally, more than 64% of the country does not support the current Iraq policy and instead approve of a withdrawal of American forces from Iraq.
  
• Several media outlets have reported of a growing suspicion that a professional and personal rift has developed between Vice President Cheney and President Bush, originating with the results of the 2006 election and the firing of Donald Rumsfeld as Secretary of Defense.
• Vice President Cheney has been conveniently traveling oversees the past few weeks, away from the White House during an important period of policy development regarding the situation in Iraq; for example, last week's decision to finally begin talking with Syria and Iran was reportedly influenced by pressure from Condoleeza Rice and the absence of Dick Cheney.
• Vice President Cheney has had a history of health problems, including his most recent hospital trip today for a potential blood clot problem.
• Over the past few weeks, McCain has been extremely vocal regarding his belief that the blame for the mistakes of the Iraq War rest in the lap of Vice President Cheney, and less so in the lap of President Bush.
• McCain has arguably been the strongest supporter of President Bush's troop surge plan for Iraq.
  

When you string all of these observations together, you potentially get the following picture:

[An unpopular President Bush that desperately needs to shed negative attention and change the public perception of his administration and his Iraq policy]
+
[An extremely unpopular Vice President Cheney that has taken a large helping of criticism for the problems in Iraq, that may have become isolated within the administration, that has a history of health problems that would make for a convenient exist from the White House]
+
[A presidential candidate John McCain that has become the loudest cheerleader for all things President Bush, that has become the loudest critic of all things Dick Cheney, that desires to find a way to get a leg up in a presidential primary that has no incumbent candidate]
=

[A Vice Presidential replacement of Dick Cheney with John McCain]

Now, if I'm right about this, I expect MSNBC to give me my own political talk show (they can put me in Tucker's current time slot, since he basically spends 60 minutes talking out of his ass). And if I'm wrong...we'll just assume the White House read this blog post and decided to change course just to make me look foolish.

[UPDATE: The jury is out, and Scooter Libby has been convicted of four of five counts and will face up to 30 years in prison plus fines...yet another straw on the vice presidential camel's back?]

Oh Simple Thing, Where Have You Gone?

Thanks to an MTV without much time devoted to the 'M', I feel like we really don't get a chance to see music videos as often as we used to. Moreover, I can't seem to get Keane's Somewhere Only We Know out of my head...so my goal is twofold: contribute to the music video watching culture and get Keane's song stuck in everyone else's head. Enjoy!