Keith Olberman: 873,298. Bush Administration: 0.

On tonight's Countdown with Keith Olbermann, Keith Olbermann decided to give Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld and Co. a healthy dose of reality. Yes, he usually gives the Bush Administration plenty of guff every night, but in light of Rumsfeld's bold comments regarding the morality and intellect of those who question the unchecked authority of the current administration, Olbermann committed an entire segment of his show to delivering an amazing treatise, Edward R. Murrow-style.

Check it out here!

I have to say, even though Olbermann's show still finds it necessary to devote a small portion of time to non-newsworthy topics, such as the terror that is Britney Spears (mainly because 'lowest-common-denominator Americans' justifies such "reporting"), Keith Olbermann really is a modern day Murrow in a media industry focused on nothing more than flashy graphics and shouting matches.

The Emmy's In August..."Nothing Makes Sense Anymore!"

I was planning on posting about my post-Emmy Awards impressions but, thanks to the diligent Mr. Cooper, the work is already done for me! Considering how I agree 100% with his post on the Emmy's, I'll just refer you directly to his comments. To reiterate, it really was amazing how Conan O'Brien gave one of the most enjoyable Emmy hosting performances I can remember, and so exciting to see The Office, 24, Kiefer Sutherland, and Jeremy Piven take home awards...almost exciting enough to erase the horrible declaration "And the winner for Best Actor in a Comedy Series is...Tony Shaloub". You cut me deep Emmy's, you cut me real deep.

Anyway, a few questions still remain about Sunday's Emmy Awards. Here are a few...

• Why does E! think it's a good idea to encourage Billy Bush's existence by continuing to employ him?
• How many awards categories are necessary to finally make 'Made-For-TV' movies feel legitimate?
• Why was Candice Bergen dressed like a rodeo clown (this actually made me spit grapes out of my mouth)?
• Can Conan host every year?
• It was pure coincidence that the cast members of every new show on NBC's Fall lineup were presenting awards, no?
• What percentage of plastic surgeons in California is the original cast of Charlie's Angels responsible for keeping their practices afloat?
• When will awards shows realize that it's probably better to run 5 minutes over their expected running time than to make me listen to ear piercing violins drown out the latter half of the speech given by a person in their deserved moment of glory?

Finally, I leave you with what remains the greatest pearl of wisdom regarding the winning of an Emmy Award...

"When you're handed your Emmy, don't say 'Wow, this is heavy'. Of course it's heavy, it contains the shattered dreams of four other people."
[Conan O'Brien, during the opening monologue of the 2006 Emmy Awards]

Ben's Been Bitten By the Blog Bug

Well, well, well. It looks like Ben "haven't taken a shower in weeks" Maslow has decided to start a blog, following in the great footsteps of yours truly (who followed in the footsteps of Mr. Cooper). Congrats, and welcome to the added daily time management pressure that is maintaining a blog!

Take a second and check out his blog-->Fifth Year Frat Boy's Guide To Everything. Considering Ben is the master of both time wasting and getting involved in crazy situations, I expect his blog to be quite interesting. Need proof? You need not look any further than his blog profile, which reveals his occupation of "Library Materials Disbursement Technician". I rest my case.

Since I'm already on the topic of friends' blogs, I might as well mention one of Mr. Cooper's recent posts. You may have seen that Mr. Cooper discovered potentially one of the greatest websites ever known to man, a Stephen Colbert On Notice Board Generator! Basically, you can create your own 'On Notice' board, something Mr. Cooper has already done on his blog and something I will also do...right now. Ladies and Gentlemen, in conjunction with the past 6 months of blog posts, I present to you the 'Funny Because It's True On Notice Board'!


Here's hoping for a 'Dead To Me' board in the near future!

Must See TV

Stop what you are doing. I have something important to tell you. Put down that chocolate covered pretzel, step away from your computer, and listen to what I have to say (ok, so I guess you can't listen to what I have to say if you step away from the computer, so stay close to the computer...ok, ok, you can keep on eating your damn pretzel, but you really should eat healthier foods).

Over the past couple of weeks, I have discovered one of the greatest shows currently on television. It turns out that the world (including the ever-infallible Mr. Cooper) has known of this greatness for quite some time; however, if it could get past my keen television-obsessed senses, than maybe it slipped by you too!

So, what show am I talking about...well, here it is. I demand that you watch...

Yes, the critically acclaimed HBO sensation Entourage! In all honesty, this show is so incredibly funny and smart, and the characters and story lines feel so realistic. Plus, the talented Jeremy Piven is responsible for taking an interesting show and catapulting it into a whole different league.

Now, I know what you're saying..."CJ, I haven't watched any of the episodes. It's too late for me." You've never been so wrong negative blog reader, and boy do I have good news for you. While the show is currently ending it's third season on HBO right now, the first two seasons are available on DVD; the first two seasons include 22 episodes, each 30 minutes long (and trust me, once you start watching them, the episodes are so interesting you'll tear through them like a bag of...well...chocolate covered pretzels, I suppose...go get a piece of fruit!). And how do I expect you to watch the currently ending third season? Well, the good folks at HBO have decided to re-air the third season towards the end of September, less than a month away!

To summarize:

1. Rent or purchase Seasons 1 and 2 of Entourage.
2. Watch an episode.
3. Laugh.
4. Repeat steps 2-3 until all episodes have been watched.
5. Tune in to HBO on September 22nd and begin watching Season 3.
6. Thank me by sending monetary donations.

There you go. And, in case anyone actually doesn't like the show, I have but one solution...Let's hug it out, b*tch.

The Seasons, They Are A Changin'

Guess what? I love movies. Big shock, I know.

The summer is coming to an end, and the summer blockbuster season has been...average. But, there's no need to be down, because with the end of every summer blockbuster season comes the beginning of...

*** THE 2006 FALL MOVIE SEASON ***

Usually, there's only one topic of conversation for movies that come out in the fall movie season...awards. Of course, there's more to movies than awards (not much more, but more nonetheless), so rather than evaluate the lineup of fall movies by their award potential just yet, I'd rather focus on the anticipation, excitement, and entertainment value that these upcoming movies seemingly possess. Thanks to the Entertainment Weekly Fall Movie Preview (and an endless supply of movie trailers at Apple Movie Trailers), I present to you CJ's "professional" take on the highs, lows, and everything-in-betweens of the Fall Movie Season...enjoy!

****************************************************************
~ 10 Fall Movies I'll See on Opening Night ~

• Al Franken: God Spoke...since I would very much like to possess the humorous wit and intellectual capacity of Al Franken, a movie which presents a year in the life of Mr. Franken during the 2004 Presidential Election is certainly something I will enjoy very, very much. (Sept 13)

• Borat...with a trailer that made me cry tears of laughter, and a claim that this is "the comedy of the year" from an insider that's already seen the movie, I will definitely be first in line for this guaranteed laugh fest. (Nov 3)

• Casino Royale...stop with the controversy already! It's not sacrilege to have a blonde James Bond (but it may be to actually care so much you start a website against it); like Batman Begins and Superman Returns, a franchise returning to its younger, fresher roots can definitely be a good thing. (Nov 17)

• Fast Food Nation...a fictional adaptation of Eric Schlosser's non-fiction, best selling, AMAZING book about the horror that is the fast food industry. (Oct 20)

• Flags of Our Fathers...perspective #1 of Clint Eastwood's two perspective journey into the Pacific campaign of WWII, and Paul Haggis (of Crash and Million Dollar Baby) rejoins Eastwood for the writing. You're looking at the Oscar war movie right here, folks. (Oct 20)

• For Your Consideration...I didn't think a Christopher Guest movie could get any better after the hilarious romp through the world of folk music that was A Mighty Wind; then again, I never though Guest would make the Academy Awards the subject of his next faux-documentary! (Nov 17)

• The Black Dahlia...the first book in author James Ellroy's gritty L.A.-based series including the Oscar-healthy L.A. Confidential. Need I say more? (Sept 15)

• The Good German...after Good Night and Good Luck, I'm going to see any movie that is deemed a "labor of love" by George Clooney and is shot in black and white. Just in case, this movie also stars Cate Blanchett and Tobey Maguire, and is set in post-WWII Berlin...very excited. (Dec 8)

• The Last Kiss...Zach Braff always promises a good movie, and yet another script written by Paul Haggis; I couldn't be more excited! (Sept 15)

• The Prestige...a dark look into a rivalry between Magicians, starring Hugh Jackman, Christian Bale, Scarlett Johansson, and writer/director Christopher Nolan (of Memento and Batman Begins), I only have one word...SOLD! (Oct 20)
  

****************************************************************
~ 10 Fall Movies That Could Go Either Way ~

• A Good Year...the good news: Russell Crowe, Ridley Scott, Albert Finney; the worrisome news: the movie is a comedy set in a vineyard. Tough call. (Nov 10)

• Charlotte’s Web...this truly is a great story that I think everyone remembers from their childhood, and with Dakota Fanning coupled with some powerful voice actors, I can see it being fun to watch. Unless it's anything like Babe...then I'll hate it. (Dec 20)

• Hollywoodland...a movie version based on the mysterious death of TV Superman George Reeves has been in the works forever. Plus, the cast includes Bob Hoskins, Adrien Brody, Diane Lane and...Ben Affleck as George Reeves? Really? (Sept 8)

• Idiocracy...this is written and directed by Mike Judge, the hilarious mind behind Office Space; let's hope he hasn't lost his touch over the past 7 years. (Sept 1)

• Man of the Year...you can't go wrong with politics and comedy, right? (Oct 13)

• Stranger Than Fiction...the premise sounds good, and Will Ferrell is definitely primed to replicate the success of Jim Carrey in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, but you just never know if these kinds of movies will say something that actually means something. (Nov 10)
  

• The Fountain...Darren Aronofsky is responsible for Requiem For A Dream, a genuine masterpiece. This movie, while interesting, looks like it may be a little too strange, but I'm betting it's more genius than strange. (Nov 22)

• The Good Shepherd...it's directed by Robert De Niro, stars Matt Damon and Angelina Jolie, and has a $110 million budget with a Holiday season opening, so why am I worried? Every season has its "falls short of expectations" movies, but I'll be glad to be wrong. (Dec 22)

• The History Boys...I'm glad I didn't pay over $300 to see the Broadway version of what is now adapted into a movie. I hope it's as good as everyone says, and I also hope that will be motivation enough for me to see it...I have yet to see the movie version of Rent, and no clue as to why that is. (Nov 22)

• The Last King of Scotland...think Hotel Rwanda, but instead we're dealing with Uganda. Still, I can't help but worry that Forest Whitaker won't have what it takes to play a ruthless dictator. (Sept 27)
  

****************************************************************
~ 5 Fall Movies I'd Sooner Gauge My Eyes Out Than See ~

• Apocalypto...well, I was planning on seeing this movie when I saw the trailer for in a couple months back, but somewhere between the egotistical tirades and the blaming of the Jews for all the worlds' wars, I think I've decided to pass on this one. (Dec 8)

• Infamous...if you want to see an amazing film about Truman Capote's life while writing In Cold Blood, see Capote; if you want to see a sketch comedy version of an overacted Truman Capote fancifully exploring the world of murder, see Infamous. (Oct 13)

• Lucky You...listen Curtis Hanson, when you make a movie that is all about a Texas Hold' Em poker player and then state that "It's not a movie about poker...it's a movie about people struggling to connect.", you lose any chance that anyone even remotely interested in poker will come to see your poker-parallels-life crapfest of a movie! (Oct 27)

• Rocky Balboa...is an explanation necessary here? Didn't think so. (Dec 22)

• The Santa Clause 3...I think it's fair to say that the addition of Martin Short as "the nefarious Jack Frost" to this movie franchise has made me just a few steps closer to questioning the decision making process in some of Hollywood's major studios. Please stop making these movies. (Nov 3)
  

****************************************************************

A Different Kind Of Sand Art

New profile picture!!! Look over here -------------------------------------------->

No, no. Not the new The Last Kiss banner that I added to my blog (gotta send a little love to Zach Braff, my new MySpace friend). I'm talking about the new profile picture below that..do you see the "hidden" message?

(Wow, I've been engrossed in The Lost Experience for far too long...)

Ok, ok. I'm clearly getting out of control with this whole "shadow in the sand" bit, but I can't help myself. It's really, REALLY fun to do! I'm hoping to start an entire movement based on shadow-in-sand photography...won't you join me!?

Oh...one more thing. If both of my hands are showing in the shadow, how'd I take the picture? Mwahahahahah...

A Night I Won't Soon Forget

______________________________________________________________

Movie Title: Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby.

Starring: Will Ferrell, John C. Reilly, Gary Cole, Michael Clark Duncan, Sacha Baron Cohen, Amy Adams.

Date/Time Attended: The 7:15pm showing on Saturday August 5th, with Andrea (I've lost count of how many "date movies" we've seen this summer, so don't ask).

Movie Synopsis in One Sentence: The rise and fall (and subsequent rise) of Ricky Bobby, an adrenaline-obsessed, ultra-American race car driver.

The Good: I'm a big fan of Will Ferrell (even though I only see the movies I assume will be good, leaving out such gems as Bewitched), so big that I claim Anchorman is one of the funnier movies of the 21st century. In this movie, Ferrell channels his inner-George W. Bush/Forrest Gump (is stating both of these names redundant?...oh, snap!) to present us with the exact persona you'd expect from a race car driver (I mean that with the utmost respect). In what may be the weirdest accent I've ever heard, Sacha Baron Cohen almost steals the show as the gay French (also redundant?...oh, double snap!!) rival race car driver. Most importantly, the ending to this movie is so very hilarious and satisfying...here's hoping for a 'Best Kiss' nomination from the MTV Movie Awards next year!

The Bad: First of all, this movie suffers from what I like to call 'trailer fatigue"; I was fully exposed to so many of the potentially hysterical moments of the movie (i.e. running around the track in his underwear, stabbing himself in the leg with a knife, a live cougar in the car, etc.). Additionally, I think John C. Reilly is underrated, but even I have to admit that a lot of the jokes with Reilly and Ferrell simply felt overworked (of course, there is one hilarious coma joke involving Reilly's buttocks...I've already said too much).

CJ On NASCAR: Uhhhhhhh...show me a purpose and I'll care...actually, I probably still wouldn't care.

The Verdict: I'd take Ron Burgundy over Ricky Bobby any day, but that doesn't mean I didn't laugh and cheer for the insanity that is Talladega Nights.

If You Liked______, You May Like These: Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy, Elf, Cars.

FINAL GRADE: B

Time Is On My Side, Yes It Is

I haven't posted since last Thursday. Time to catch up...

• I've officially quit poker for the next couple of months after losing more money this past weekend playing in Atlantic City...
• Deal or No Deal is returning with $6 million as the highest prize, which is insane (and will make me glued to the television, once again)...
• Vote for MTV Video Music Awards here (I demand you vote for Red Hot Chili Peppers in every category they're nominated in)...
• Can we collectively ponder what the heck has happened to Eddie Murphy's career in acting!? Sure, he was never Marlon Brando, but if he does one more movie with talking animals, babies, or planetary exploration I will hurt someone...
• Here are two exciting movie trailers I saw before Talladega Nights (which I will post a review for soon): first, The Prestige, a dark movie involving the rivalry between two magicians, by Christopher Nolan (of Memento and Batman Begins) and starring Hugh Jackman, Christian Bale, Michael Cane, and Scarlett Johansson...second, Man of the Year, a movie about a Jon Stewart-like talk show host who runs for President of the United States and wins, from the people behind Wag the Dog and starring Robin Williams...
• Dave Chapelle is highly overrated...
• So far, no job offers but let's all keep our fingers crossed...
• I can't tell if the new NBC series Heroes will be interesting or just a lame attempt to capitalize on the paranormal/mystery-style of Lost (regardless, once the annual Entertainment Weekly Fall Television Preview issue comes out, I'll do a full post about what new and returning shows I'll be watching...while the real world passes me by, of course)...
• Being a member of my high school reunion committee is both fun and depressing...
• Yet another great quote from Bill Maher..."He would be for Dracula taking over the Red Cross if it was good for business!"[referring to President Bush's tendency to cater to business interests over the interests of the public, specifically citing the mostly forgotten disaster that was the Dubai Ports deal]...

...and there you have it! A week's worth of thoughts in one post. Life is good.

Take A Seat Until I Return

There's a big post swirling around like the winds of Tropical Storm Chris (too soon?)...but first, a very important job interview is scheduled for tomorrow (Thursday), so be patient...ok, ok, ok. I'll give you one hilarious video clip to hold you over...and who says I don't take care of my awesome blog readers!?

CLICK HERE
Two lessons: 1) Always secure surrounding furniture before beginning a political debate, and 2) never call a Republican fat.

Breaking News!!!

Senator Joe Lieberman has just conceded defeat to Ned Lamont in the Connecticut Democratic primary, vowing that he will continue running in the race as an Independent candidate...stay tuned!

"Have You Ever Seen 'Back To The Future'...Is That Possible, To Time Travel Speed?"

Do yourself a favor and watch this home video of Britney Spears from PerezHilton.com (filmed by none other than K-Fed). I always knew she was trashier than a junk yard, but I always assumed that her stupidity was 50% real and 50% an act...turns out it's 100% real.

For a fun game, count how many times Britney screeches "Huhhhh!?"; every time she does, bash yourself in the face with a tire iron...it will make the video more bearable.

The Blind Leading The Blind

I am simply shocked and appalled by this statistic in the recent issue of Time Magazine...

• 36%: the percentage of Americans surveyed last year who said Iraq had weapons of mass destruction when the U.S. invaded in 2003.

• 50%: the percentage of Americans surveyed this year who said Iraq had weapons of mass destruction when the U.S. invaded in 2003.
  

...wow...I guess these are the same people that think "the jury is still out" on global warming. I wonder where Americans are getting these false ideas from...

A Bedtime Story...For Parents That Hate Their Children

______________________________________________________________

Movie Title: Lady In The Water.

Starring: Paul Giamatti, Bryce Dallas Howard, Jeffrey Wright, Cindy Cheung, M. Night Shyamalan, Freddy Rodriguez.

Date/Time Attended: The 4:30pm showing on Sunday, July 23rd...opening weekend is always the way to go with summer movies.

Movie Synopsis in One Sentence: A sea nymph enlists the help of residents of an apartment building in Pennsylvania, lead by their superintendent, to fulfill both her destiny and theirs.

The Good: If Paul Giamatti is in a movie, I always give it a chance (except for Big Fat Liar...and Planet of the Apes...and Big Momma's House). He really is a great actor, and proves it once again in this movie, turning a potentially annoying stutter into a perfectly executed character flaw. In terms of the story, I couldn't help but feel a little inspired by the hyper-comradre; by the end of the movie, I really did find myself engaged in the story and the characters. Plus, a few good scares go a long way in Shyamalan's movies.

The Grey Area: The anti-Hollywood/pro-people-helping-people themes are prevalent in his films...maybe a little too prevalent. Also, Shyamalan "The Actor" has his biggest role yet, and he actually isn't a terrible actor; then again, I hope he doesn't pull a Woody Allen and start casting himself with inappropriately young actresses in movies that are so convoluted I can't even stand to watch their trailers (on the other hand, the recent Match Point was really good, thankfully sans the Woody Allen). Ultimately, this movie has no "twist ending" but, more importantly, it does follow what I consider Shyamalan's more impressive talent of unraveling the mysteries of the story slowly, meticulously, and all the way until the last moments of the movie.

The Bad: A large amount of corny jokes does not, and will not, ever equal good humor. For example, racial humor can only take you so far before you find yourself saying "We get it! She's a funny speaking foreigner!" Also, I'm not sure why Shyamalan thought a movie like this needed so much goofy humor to begin with.

The Verdict: It's certainly doesn't pack the power of some of Shyamalan's earlier movies, but a quirky story and a unique style is enough to make the movie watchable.

If You Liked______, You May Like These: The Sixth Sense, Signs, AI: Artificial Intelligence.

FINAL GRADE: B-

I've Always Wanted To See The Caribbean

It appears that I have now become a tropical storm and will possibly be a small hurricane in the next 72 hours. Yes, Tropical Storm Chris (in case you don't already know, the 'C' in CJ stands for Chris...exciting stuff), with winds already reaching 60 mph, could potentially reek havoc on the Caribbean over the next couple of days. And, if you consider a rush to the gas pump and grocery store "havoc", it's already happening. God speed to all those in the Caribbean and, while I can't make any promises, I'll try not to be too destructive...then again, I am pretty riled up about this whole Mel Gibson incident...