What's The Deal With...!?
[Part II]
- ...the phrase "I would die for..." and "I would kill for..."!? You've heard this many times. Your girlfriend is having a really big chocolate craving and she says
"I would die for a bowl of chocolate ice cream right now!", or your financially challenged friend exclaims "Man, I would kill for an iPod!". Professing a desire to commit suicide for chocolate ice cream or murder for an iPod is very serious. It's time people stop using phrases that they really don't mean...unless, of course, they actually do mean them, in which case I wish your girlfriend luck finding a way to eat ice cream from the afterlife.
- ...high profile criminals covering their faces from the media!? For all you terrible Enron executives, crazy Scott Peterson-type murders, and stupid sports athletes, I have a message for you: WE KNOW IT'S YOU! When a camera is pointed at your face during a story devoted to discussing your criminal charges, no number of
handcuffed hands or black suit jackets is going to hide your identity. Do yourself a favor and look nice for the cameras...those images will ultimately be your legacy and you probably don't want to look like you think a simple game of peek-a-boo is enough to trick a high-tech piece of audio-visual equipment.
- ...the success rate of the auto repair industry!? Last week, I spent $550 at my local Meineke to completely replace the squeaky brakes of my 97 Jeep Grand Cherokee. Guess what's happening this week...MY BRAKES ARE SQUEAKING! Thanks a lot George Forman! This is not the first time I've dropped hundreds of dollars on auto repairs that don't result in actually fixing
the problem. I can't think of another professional field where this kind of failure is tolerated. My solution? From now on, I drive my car through the front door of any repair shop that takes my money without fixing my car; this way, I can pretend the car malfunctioned because of the shop and collect on insurance. Problem solved!
- ...celebrities destroying their careers!? Yep, I'm talking about the "stars" of the past week, Mr. Mel Gibson and Miss. Lindsay Lohan. In case you live under a rock and haven't heard what each of these celebrities did last week, go to TMZ.com and catch up. First, Ms. Lohan...got a little news for you: when you're
making millions of dollars more than you deserve for your actual level of talent, stop pissing off the studio executives. If you're not careful, someone may actually realize you're worthless and you'll be starring in the upcoming straight-to-DVD release of House of Wax 2: Wax On, Wax Off (in case you're wondering, I made this movie title up and I'm damn proud of it). Now, time for Mr. Gibson...oh boy, where to begin. The anti-Semitic
Gibson? The sexist Gibson? The boozer Gibson? The bloated ego Gibson? Oh, so many faces, so little career left (I hope). Then again, this guy probably has enough Lethal Weapon money left to make several more of his crazy little movies. At least we now know for sure that the apple doesn't fall very far from the tree in the Gibson Family...that is, of course, if the Gibson Family actually believes in gravity.
1 comment:
let it be known that i've never wanted to die for chocolate ice cream.
p.s. i love darts! 180, 180, 180!
Post a Comment