What's The Deal With...!? [Part II]

Yet another post devoted to exploring the intricacies of the age-old question...

What's The Deal With...!?
[Part II]

• ...the phrase "I would die for..." and "I would kill for..."!? You've heard this many times. Your girlfriend is having a really big chocolate craving and she says "I would die for a bowl of chocolate ice cream right now!", or your financially challenged friend exclaims "Man, I would kill for an iPod!". Professing a desire to commit suicide for chocolate ice cream or murder for an iPod is very serious. It's time people stop using phrases that they really don't mean...unless, of course, they actually do mean them, in which case I wish your girlfriend luck finding a way to eat ice cream from the afterlife.

• ...high profile criminals covering their faces from the media!? For all you terrible Enron executives, crazy Scott Peterson-type murders, and stupid sports athletes, I have a message for you: WE KNOW IT'S YOU! When a camera is pointed at your face during a story devoted to discussing your criminal charges, no number of handcuffed hands or black suit jackets is going to hide your identity. Do yourself a favor and look nice for the cameras...those images will ultimately be your legacy and you probably don't want to look like you think a simple game of peek-a-boo is enough to trick a high-tech piece of audio-visual equipment.

• ...the success rate of the auto repair industry!? Last week, I spent $550 at my local Meineke to completely replace the squeaky brakes of my 97 Jeep Grand Cherokee. Guess what's happening this week...MY BRAKES ARE SQUEAKING! Thanks a lot George Forman! This is not the first time I've dropped hundreds of dollars on auto repairs that don't result in actually fixing the problem. I can't think of another professional field where this kind of failure is tolerated. My solution? From now on, I drive my car through the front door of any repair shop that takes my money without fixing my car; this way, I can pretend the car malfunctioned because of the shop and collect on insurance. Problem solved!

• ...celebrities destroying their careers!? Yep, I'm talking about the "stars" of the past week, Mr. Mel Gibson and Miss. Lindsay Lohan. In case you live under a rock and haven't heard what each of these celebrities did last week, go to TMZ.com and catch up. First, Ms. Lohan...got a little news for you: when you're making millions of dollars more than you deserve for your actual level of talent, stop pissing off the studio executives. If you're not careful, someone may actually realize you're worthless and you'll be starring in the upcoming straight-to-DVD release of House of Wax 2: Wax On, Wax Off (in case you're wondering, I made this movie title up and I'm damn proud of it). Now, time for Mr. Gibson...oh boy, where to begin. The anti-Semitic Gibson? The sexist Gibson? The boozer Gibson? The bloated ego Gibson? Oh, so many faces, so little career left (I hope). Then again, this guy probably has enough Lethal Weapon money left to make several more of his crazy little movies. At least we now know for sure that the apple doesn't fall very far from the tree in the Gibson Family...that is, of course, if the Gibson Family actually believes in gravity.
  

Yo Ho, Yo Ho, I Wish This Movie Was Better

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Movie Title: Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest.

Starring: Johnny Depp, Orlando Bloom, Keira Knightley, Bill Nighy, Jonathon Price, Stellan Skarsgard, Naomi Harris.

Date/Time Attended: The 2:20pm showing on Wednesday, July 19th. Wednesday showings at AMC include a FREE small popcorn (if you're a Moviewatcher member)...hooray!

Movie Synopsis in One Sentence: Encountering the familiar cast of friends and foes, Captain Jack Sparrow embarks on yet another adventure, this time involving a debt owed to the infamous Davy Jones.

The Good: Johnny Depp gives a pretty good performance, once again, as the uniquely quirky Jack Sparrow. The visual effects are absolutely stunning; Davy Jones's face, which is 100% visual effects, is so realistic looking that you would swear there's a human face under what would have been a latex mask in the pre-visual effects era. And, the last 60 seconds of the movie provides a very exciting revelation, which the concluding movie will ultimately explore.

The Bad: The movie is a tad on the slow side and suffers, as so many recent movies have, from being about 20 to 30 minutes too long. Also, the movie feels less like one solid story and more like a bunch of parallel stories, with various groups of characters colliding over and over again (this may just be an editing problem). Most disappointingly, the comedy and dialogue just doesn't come off as natural as it did in the first movie. Instead of being pleasantly over-the-top, it's down right Three Stooges-esque (and I love the comedy of The Three Stooges...just not when it's in my summer blockbuster movies); all that was missing was Johnny Depp smacking someone in the face with a frying pan!

Trilogy Syndrome: Much like the middle child of a family, the second movie of a trilogy seems to have the greatest chance of being considered the least impressive of the three. In The Matrix Trilogy, the second movie was a horrendously wordy mess of nothingness, especially when compared to the groundbreaking style of the original movie. In the newest Star Wars Trilogy, the second movie was a mushy love story with very little substance (then again, aside from a nimble Yoda, Darth Maul, and a pleasantly dark-natured 3rd movie, there wasn't much greatness to be found in this trilogy). Even in The Lord of the Rings Trilogy, where all three of the movies are cinematic masterpieces, the second movie is clearly "the weakest" of the three simply because of it being the middle portion of a very long story. And, alas, we find our explanation...the second movie is in the middle, inherently lacking the excitement of the original movie and the grandeur of the concluding third movie. Of course, there are always exceptions and they seem to be common in the comic book movie trilogy, including Spider-Man 2 and X-Men 2 which I believe are both as good as, if not better than, their original counterparts. And that's all I have to say about that.

The Verdict: While failing to live up to it's spirited predecessor, this movie may or may not provide enough pirate-related fun to last you until the potentially exciting final installment.

If You Liked______, You May Like These: Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl, The Count of Monte Cristo, Sleepy Hollow.

FINAL GRADE: C+

World Series of ANYTHING

It's official. I will watch, and enjoy, any television show that has the phrase 'World Series of' in the title. Putting aside the official World Series (of baseball, which I've been watching ever since I was a young t-baller), three television shows with such a title have crept into my regular television viewing...
First came the World Series of Poker on ESPN (which I posted about last week). To summarize, it's two hours a week of poker, poker, and more poker. Your basic heaven on Earth, is what I'm trying to say.

Next came the World Series of Pop Culture on VH1, which is sponsored by the great Entertainment Weekly. Seeing all of the advertisements over the past couple of months, Andrea and I both hoped it would be a fun show to watch, and indeed it is. I actually half-seriously thought about trying out for the show earlier this year, forming a team of Mr. Cooper, Andrea, and myself. With our powers combined, I bet we would have been an unstoppable pop culture machine (Mr. Cooper knows everything there is to know about the film and TV industry, Andrea is really great with Music and Celebrity News, and I can pick up anything that Mr. Cooper and Andrea don't know because they refuse to subject themselves to some of the uglier sides of pop culture...think reality TV, zombie movies, Animaniacs, etc.). Thanks to this show, I can finally feel good about knowing that the criminal nickname Harry and Marv gave themselves in Home Alone was 'The Wet Bandits'......ok, so I actually thought the answer was 'The Sticky Bandits', because that is what their nickname changes to in Home Alone 2, but I was close enough.

And finally, the third show is none other than the World Series of Darts, also on ESPN...ok, please stop judging me. This show has all the drama and excitement of the World Series of Poker (very competitive players, huge cash prizes, professionals vs. newcomers, etc.), PLUS there's always a chance that one player will go insane and throw a dart at his opponent (while I've never heard of such a thing actually happening, I can always hope). There is no bigger rush than watching a player successfully throw a ton-80 (I bet you want to know what that cool dart term I just used means...guess you'll have to watch the show!). I know watching darts on TV sounds like a horrible waste of time, but I beg you to give it a chance...and I guarantee it's better than anything you'll see on America's Got Talent, a show that has proven beyond a reasonable doubt that Americans are severely lacking talent.

What's The Deal With...!? [Part I]

This post is devoted to exploring the intricacies of the age-old question...

What's The Deal With...!?
[Part I]

• ...movie commercials stating that a new movie is playing "only in theaters"!? With the exception of Stephen Soderbergh's movie Bubble (which was simultaneously released last January in theaters and on DVD), is there really mass confusion as to where a new movie will be available to watch? When I hear Miami Vice is coming out this week, I'm not running to Blockbuster to rent it, or turning on HBO to watch it. I'm pretty sure the whole movie industry has been up and running long enough for people to remember that new movies are released in movie theaters, and nowhere else (and straight-to-DVD movies play no part in this, because nobody with a brain actually cares about the release of American Pie: Band Camp or Cruel Intentions 2).

• ...Post Raisin Bran and Kellogg's Raisin Bran!? Do we really need two versions of the EXACT same cereal? I'm certainly not a supporter of monopolistic entities, but I'm willing to live in a society where only one company has exclusive control over the bran cereal market.

• ...the songs I Fought The Law and Authority Song!? In case you don't know what I'm referring to here, let me show you with sample lyrics from each song. Here's a well know line from I Fought The Law : "I fought the law and the law won, I fought the law and the law won (etc.)." Now, here's the chorus of Authority Song : "I fight authority, authority always wins. I fight authority, authority always wins (etc.)." Notice anything...odd? Yep, they are the same damn song! I don't know which song came first, but you can't just change the tense of a song and call it a new song! Someone clearly has a lawsuit coming their way.

• ...the depressing nature of the TV show Mad About You!? I hate to put down this show because I used to watch it all the time when it was a current show. But, someone has to point out that this was actually one of the most depressing comedy television series ever made. Helen Hunt and Paul Reiser's characters were CONSTANTLY bickering about useless problems (rather than humorously ranting about them, like the cast of Seinfeld) and, if my memory is correct, I'm pretty sure that the series finale involved the two of them suffering a heated divorce and than fast forwarding 20 or so years ahead, when they are older, and seeing them meet up just as friends. Good lord, that's depressing!

Helloooo Nurse!

The prayers of the masses have been answered. Today is the official DVD release date for two of television's greatest legends...yep, I'm talking about 'Animaniacs: Volume 1' and 'Pinky and the Brain: Volume 1'!!! I'll give you a few minutes to catch your breath from all the excitement that just overtook you......all good?

Anyway, these two very funny cartoons are from my childhood years, cartoons that I used to watch religiously every day after school while eating a hearty bowl of Kix cereal (which Stephen Colbert attacked earlier this week for having the pro-single mother slogan "Kid Tested. Mother Approved."...genius). How could I possibly resist purchasing the DVD for a show that refers to having "baloney in our slacks" in the opening lyrics of the theme song!? Frankly, I can't and I won't...as soon as I find them in the DVD bargain bin at my local Target.

I Can See My Shadow Again!

The 'shadow in the sand' profile picture is back and better than ever! It's actually not the original picture, but a second picture taken on a separate beach trip (there's just something about taking a picture of your own shadow that seems interesting to me). Enjoy!

COMING SOON...a post that will explore the inherent mysteries of various topics, ranging from Raisin Bran to Billy Crystal...a list of movies from my DVD collection that I demand you watch ASAP...and more movie reviews, including 'Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest' and 'Lady In The Water'.

Crashing The Newlyweds Can Be Funny Too

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Movie Title: You, Me and Dupree.

Starring: Owen Wilson, Kate Hudson, Matt Dillon, Michael Douglas, Seth Rogan.

Attended With: My awesome fiance Andrea (our fourth date movie of the summer).

Concession Stand: Finally, they had fresh pretzel bites and nacho cheese! It's about time AMC!

Movie Synopsis in One Sentence: Long-time friend Dupree's attempt to get his life on track classes with the uptight lifestyle of newlyweds Molly and Carl Peterson.

The Good: First of all, the movie is definitely funny, laugh-out-loud funny. Second, with Owen Wilson in the spotlight away from his usual comedy gang (Vince Vaughn, Will Ferrell, Ben Stiller, his brothers, etc.) he could have crumbled, but he didn't. Carrying the weight of the movie on his shoulders, Wilson proved that he is a force of comedy all on his own (of course, with the help of a semi-funny Kate Hudson and a funny-because-he's-angry Matt Dillon). Also, I wasn't expecting to see Michael Douglas in the role of the "bottom-line" boss and father-in-law (think Robert De Niro in Meet the Parents, but not Italian, and with money, rather than fear, as his weapon-of-choice), but his presence was enough to make the movie a little more fun. And I can't forget to mention Seth Rogen, who proved in The 40 Year Old Virgin that he can be just as funny, if not funnier, than the leads of the movies he's in.

The Bad: The movie potentially feels like a dumping ground for recycled comedy movie sub-genres (romantic comedy with newlywed couple, all-grown-up buddy comedy, tense father-in-law/son-in-law comedy), all trying to coexist in one movie. Sure, the jokes are new (and funny!), but you get the odd feeling like you've seen this movie before. Also, Matt Dillon felt a little out of place in the movie, and I blame that on poor casting for his part.

Coincidence or Not: Lance Armstrong makes a great cameo as himself in the movie. Can you name another movie Armstrong has appeared in as himself? Take your time...did you get it? He actually appeared in Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story, which starred none other than Owen Wilson's comedy cohort Vince Vaughn. Coincidence? I think not.

The Verdict: Reminding me of all the ways The Break-Up failed as a comedy, this movie is the official "summer comedy" that'll make you laugh.

If You Liked______, You May Like These: Wedding Crashers, The Cable Guy, Meet the Parents/Meet the Fockers.

FINAL GRADE: B+

A New Profile Picture...Let's All Celebrate!

For some random reason, the former profile picture of my shadow in the sand refuses to upload. So, for now, enjoy a picture of my once beloved dog, Max (over there to the right). This picture actually made an appearance in an earlier post ('A Picture Is Worth A Thousand Clicks'), and in case you don't remember, it was taken during Max's college years. Oh, how fast they grow up...

Listen Up...New Music

Check this out...it's a new music duo called Postmark Twain, and one of the guys (Dave, the guy on the left) is a friend of Andrea's and mine from high school. Listen to the songs...they sound really good, and I can definitely see them breaking into mainstream music (plus, they've already signed a production deal, so that must be good). Good luck to them!

Topics Starting With The Letter 'P'

• 'Poker, World Series Style'...I was extremely excited to find out that last night began the official airing of the 2006 World Series of Poker on ESPN (hosted by the ever-witty Lon McEachern and Norman Chad). This year they've decided to change around the schedule just a bit, with the circuit tournaments airing first (starting last night), the Main Event airing second (staring late September), and the preliminary events airing third (starting early October and ending around Halloween). While the non-sequential airing schedule may make it a little crazy keeping track of who won which events, I couldn't be happier sitting in front of my TV for two hours each week soaking in the glory that is professional poker.

• 'PG-13'...I just glanced over at my cork board, where I have been posting all of my summer movie ticket stubs, and realized a very distinct pattern: almost all of the movies I've attended this summer have been rated 'PG-13'. Eight out of nine movies were rated 'PG-13', as a matter of fact ('An Inconvenient Truth' was rated PG, even though it should be rated 'R' for "horrifying images depicting the irresponsibility of the human race"). What does this mean, exactly? Sure, I was considering going to see Cars ('G'), Nacho Libre ('PG'), and possibly The Omen ('R'), but I didn't. Why? Well, I think I've fallen prey to one of the movie industries biggest self-fulfilling prophecies: there are less 'G', 'PG', and 'R' rated movies because they are less likely to appeal to the general population of movie viewers (the 'PG-13' movie has both semi-mature themes for adults and underwhelming violent themes for children). So, it appears that subconscious forces have been attracting me to the "safer" summer movies or, as I prefer to look at it, the summer movies that don't involve superhero girlfriends throwing sharks at their ex-boyfriends (by the way, all those involved with the creation and execution of the "movie" My Super Ex-Girlfriend deserve to be stripped of their right to be involved in filmmaking).
  

• 'Presidential Election of 2008'...I just came up with what I'd like to refer to as "The Democratic Dream Team for the 2008 Presidential Ticket". It's really quite brilliant, and was inspired by the humorous 1992 movie The Distinguished Gentlemen, in which a con man (played by Eddie Murphy) gets elected to congress by using the name recognition of his middle and last name, Jeff Johnson, which was also the name of the esteemed Congressman that previously held the seat. Can you guess where I'm going with this...that's right! In 2008, I demand we 'Elect Gore-Clinton' to the White House! Al Gore has been reinvigorated by his environmental crusade and was so incredibly close in 2000 (actually, he did get the most votes, but we'll let sleeping dogs lay), and Hilary Clinton is a powerful Democrat with husband and former president Clinton to back her up. Plus, Gore is from the South, while Clinton is a New York Democrat. And, for all those still unwilling to accept a woman as President (even though women have held leadership roles in soooo many other democracies around the world), Clinton as Vice President will actually reverse the logic of these ignorant voters by making them feel as though they are being "progressive" by first giving a woman a chance at the Vice Presidency. Not to mention the name recognition, as I was saying at the beginning of this whole blurb, of a former successful two-term ticket (with the names reversed, of course). Then again, could you imagine the confusion of having a former First Lady be the Vice President to a former Vice President, who actually ran for President twice already and was twice the Vice President to his new Vice President's husband...makes Kevin Bacon look like an isolationist!
  

• 'Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest'...I just saw it today. Review coming soon.

This Devil Looks Pretty Good

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Movie Title: The Devil Wears Prada.

Starring: Meryl Streep, Anne Hathaway, Emily Blunt, Stanley Tucci, Adrian Grenier.

Attended With: My beautiful fiance Andrea (our third date movie of the summer).

Funny Ticket Story: Because I am so obsessed with movies, I have been saving my ticket stubs from each summer movie I attend. Well, at the ticket counter this time there was a problem with the ticket printer and they just let us into the theater without any tickets. "Damn them!", I thought as I angrily walked into the theater with no souvenir to take home. But then, a miracle happened...as I walked to the food counter to purchase delicious snacks for Andrea and myself, I looked down at the counter and there, before my eyes, was an abandoned ticket stub for the same exact showing of 'Devil Wears Prada' that we were attending! Needless to say, I quickly scooped up the ticket, put it in my pocket, and happily hung it on my cork board upon returning home...that's destiny, my friends.

Movie Synopsis in One Sentence: .A young girl at the beginning of her career in journalism takes a job as an assistant to an extremely powerful and demanding head of a famous New York City fashion magazine.

The Good: Two words: 'Meryl Streep'. As always, the extremely talented Streep gives an amazing performance that is so focused, so sharp that you feel like you're watching a whole new side of her acting abilities. It also comes as no surprise that Stanley Tucci, playing the role of the effeminate male fashion designer, makes the movie all the more entertaining. Moreover, the story is fun, funny, and simple, which can be nice a relief to the high-intensity of the action-packed summer season.

The Bad: Mainly the ending, which is a little too cliche and neatly wrapped for my taste, but expected for a movie that is an adaptation of a pretty simple chick-lit novel. Also, I've never really seen any other movie with Anne Hathaway, but she's just OK in this movie.

The Verdict: With some good acting talent and a light story, this is the perfect movie to see with your significant other.

If You Liked______, You May Like These: Maid in Manhattan, Sex in the City (TV Series), Mean Girls.

FINAL GRADE: B+

Tournament Results

The Bad News: I lost the tournament, and instead of only paying a $100 buy-in (plus a $25 entry fee) I decided to pay an additional $100 for an add-on which would give me 4,000 more chips, spending a total of $225 on a tournament I ended up losing.

The Good News: Out of 140 players, I made it to the 7th round where less than 50 players remained, which is pretty good for my first live tournament. Eventually, I ended up winning $75 playing blackjack and $25 playing a regular table game of poker, so I made back the money I foolishly spent on that extra $100 add-on. Plus, my soon-to-be brother-in-law won over $600 playing poker.

*From now on, no more than one trip to Atlantic City per calendar month...unless, of course, Mr. Cooper is in town...then it's 'Atlantic City or Bust' (pun intended)!

Shuffle Up and Deal!

Here I go, my first live poker tournament is scheduled to happen tomorrow morning 11:15 AM at the Tropicana casino in Atlantic City. The name of the game is No Limit Texas Hold'em, and the buy-in is $100 (plus a $25 entry fee). The only thing standing between me and a $10,000 first-place prize is about 100 other poker players crazy enough to waste their entire Sunday at a poker table...wish me luck!

It's Not Nice To Tease One's Brain

I'm can't imagine the level of anticipation that has been building over the brain teasers from my previous post...so, without further ado, I present to you the answers...

1. I have two coins that add up to $30 cents, and one of them is not a nickel. What are the two coins that I have? [ANSWER: A quarter and a nickel. You'll notice I said that "one of them is not a nickel", and one of them is indeed not a nickel, it's a quarter.]
   
2. A magician claims the following: using his hands, he can throw a ball, have it come to a complete stop, and then reverse its direction, all without the ball ever touching any surface or being manipulated by any wires or other objects. How is this possible? [ANSWER: The magician threw the ball straight up into the air (congrats to the anonymous comment that knew this one).]
   
3. You are traveling with a wolf, a cow, and a barrel of hay, when you come to a river that you must cross. Using a small row boat, you can only travel across the river with ONE of the three items at a time. However, the wolf can never be left alone with the cow (because he'd eat the cow) and the cow can never be left alone with the hay (because he'd eat the hay). Using the small row boat to take trips back and forth across the river, how could you get all three items across the river safely? [ANSWER: First, you take the cow over the river, leave him on the other side by himself, and row back alone. Then, you take the hay over the river (leaving the wolf by himself), drop off the hay, and take the cow back to the original side of the river (leaving the hay alone on the other side). Next, you take the wolf over the river (leaving the cow alone on the original side), leave the wolf with the hay, and go back alone to the original side. Last, you take the cow back over the river, and all three items are across the river with you. (congrats again to the anonymous comment that knew this one).]
4. You have two empty containers, one of which measures exactly 3 gallons and one of which measures exactly 5 gallons. Using the two containers and a nearby water source, how would you go about measuring EXACTLY 4 gallons of water (let's all thank 'Die Hard with a Vengeance' for this one)? [ANSWER: There is actually two ways to do this, and here they are...(Way #1) First, you fill the five gallon jug, use the five gallon jug to fill the 3 gallon jug (thus having 2 gallons in the five gallon jug). Next, you empty the 3 gallon jug, and pour the 2 gallons from the 5 gallon jug into the 3 gallon jug (thus having 1 empty gallon of space in the 3 gallon jug), Last, you fill up the 5 gallon jug again, use the 5 gallon jug to fill up the 1 gallon of empty space in the 3 gallon jug, and then you will be left with exactly 4 gallons in the 5 gallon jug...OR...(Way #2) Fill up the 3 gallon jug and empty it into the 5 gallon jug. Next, fill up the 3 gallon jug again and use it to fill up the 5 gallon jug with 2 more gallons (you will be left with exactly 1 gallon in the 3 gallon jug). Next, empty out the entire 5 gallon jug, and pour the 1 gallon from the 3 gallon jug into the 5 gallon jug. Last, fill up the entire 3 gallon jug, pour it into the 5 gallon jug, and you will have exactly 4 gallons in the 5 gallon jug...WOW, that's long (congrats once again to the anonymous comment that knew this one).]
5. You're traveling through the woods and you come to a fork in the path. Although you do not know which path is the correct path to continue on, you do know that one path of the fork will lead you to safety, while the other path of the fork will lead to certain death. There are two forest dwellers standing at the fork that do indeed know the correct path to take, however, one of them will always tell the truth and one of them will always lie (and you do not know which forest dweller is the truthful one and which is the liar). What question could you ask either of the two forest dwellers to find out, with 100% certainty, which path is the correct path to safety? [ANSWER: This is a tough one. The question that you could ask either forest dweller to find the correct path with 100% certainty would be the following: "If I were to ask the other forest dweller which path was the path leading to certain death, what would he say?". Now think about this one for a second because it's tough to wrap your head around...I'll explain. There are two forest dwellers, one truthful and one a liar, so you have to think of how each of them would answer this question. First, if you end up asking the truthful forest dweller this question, he would be telling you about what the LIAR would say is the dangerous path; and since the liar lies, the liar would actually point to the path of safety as the path that would lead to certain death; therefore, in answering the question about the liar's lie, the truthful one would be showing us the path of safety. Second, if you end up asking the liar forest dweller the question, he would be telling you about what the TRUTHFUL forest dweller would say is the dangerous path; and since the truthful guy tells the truth, he would point to the actual dangerous path; BUT, we're asking the liar the question, so in answering the question he would actually reverse the truth of the truthful one and, hence, tell us the path to safety. So, asking either one the question would result in them pointing to the path of safety, guaranteed.]

...wow, I think my head just exploded.

Be Back In A New York Minute

Off to NY for a couple of days...expect some exciting posts soon after, including a laundry list of things I'm perplexed by, a review of 'Devil Wears Prada', and my dream team for the 2008 Democratic presidential ticket. Until then, enjoy these brain teasers that you may or may not already know...

1. I have two coins that add up to $30 cents, and one of them is not a nickel. What are the two coins that I have?
2. A magician claims the following: using his hands, he can throw a ball, have it come to a complete stop, and then reverse its direction, all without the ball ever touching any surface or being manipulated by any wires or other objects. How is this possible?
3. You are traveling with a wolf, a cow, and a barrel of hay, when you come to a river that you must cross. Using a small row boat, you can only travel across the river with ONE of the three items at a time. However, the wolf can never be left alone with the cow (because he'd eat the cow) and the cow can never be left alone with the hay (because he'd eat the hay). Using the small row boat to take trips back and forth across the river, how could you get all three items across the river safely?
4. You have two empty containers, one of which measures exactly 3 gallons and one of which measures exactly 5 gallons. Using the two containers and a nearby water source, how would you go about measuring EXACTLY 4 gallons of water (let's all thank 'Die Hard with a Vengeance' for this one)?
5. You're traveling through the woods and you come to a fork in the path. Although you do not know which path is the correct path to continue on, you do know that one path of the fork will lead you to safety, while the other path of the fork will lead to certain death. There are two forest dwellers standing at the fork that do indeed know the correct path to take, however, one of them will always tell the truth and one of them will always lie (and you do not know which forest dweller is the truthful one and which is the liar). What question could you ask either of the two forest dwellers to find out, with 100% certainty, which path is the correct path to safety?

Answers when I return...
(feel free to post the answers as a comment if you think you know them)

Able to Leap Other Movies In A Single Bound

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Movie Title: Superman Returns.

Starring: Brandon Routh, Kate Bosworth, Kevin Spacey, James Marsden, Parker Posey, Frank Langella, Sam Huntington, Marlon Brando, Kal Penn.

Time & Date of Showing: 6:15 pm showing on Sunday, July 2nd.

Theater Status: While I was surprised to see that only 75% of the theater was full during an opening weekend showing, this was the first movie of the summer to receive post-movie applause from the audience in my theater.

Movie Synopsis in One Sentence: After five years away, a young Superman returns to Earth and finds himself reacquainting with his family, friends, Lois Lane, and, of course, Lex Luther.

The Good: I am a HUGE Bryan Singer fan (he directed the first and second X-Men, as well as the amazing Usual Suspects) and he really delivered with this movie. The movie has a great degree of depth compared to various other 'superhero movies' that forget a movie is more than special effects. Of course, this movie also has some of best special effects of any movie I've ever seen; the airplane sequence literally left me gasping for air as I sat on the edge of my seat. In terms of the cast, Brandon Routh is a PERFECT match for the look, talk, and mannerisms of Superman, and the talented Kevin Spacey gives a great performance as the whimsically evil Lex Luther.

The Bad: The movie is over two and a half hours long, which is certainly longer than anyone expected (then again, you do get a lot of movie for your time). Certainly some casting issues, including Parker Posey (who I find a little annoying as an actress, mainly because she's so over-dramatic at delivering her lines), Kal Penn (who was given a role as one of Lex's henchman with no speaking lines, which could have been performed by any extra), and most importantly Kate Bosworth who really just gave an average performance as Lois Lane. Also, it felt like the script was weak at certain points (and I really can't remember any specific parts, but I just remember feeling like some of the lines were a little awkward during their delivery).

The Magic of Superman: It's time to put this whole "isn't it so obvious that Clark Kent is Superman" debate to rest. Yes, to the audience it is very, VERY obvious that Clark Kent is Superman, mainly because, aside from less shiny hair and a pair of glasses, they look exactly alike, they speak almost exactly alike (Superman adds a little bass to his voice), and Clark is ALWAYS disappearing right when Superman arrives. Ok, I get it. But, you have to consider that the people around Clark Kent see him as a bumbling klutz, so it is certainly hard for them to associate Clark with super-human qualities. Also, the Superman suit is certainly a distraction when it comes to comparing the looks of Clark Kent and Superman. Regardless, the MOST IMPORTANT thing to remember is that the movie is about an alien from another plant that is faster than a speeding bullet charged with the duty to save the world from the evil plans of evil people...if you're watching a movie like this, do you REALLY have THAT much trouble suspending your intuition when it comes to the people around Clark Kent linking him to Superman?! I rest my case.

The Verdict: An incredible superhero movie with stunning visual effects and a dramatic story, matching (and potentially exceeding) the greatness of previous superhero franchises like the Spider-Man series.

If You Liked______, You May Like These Movies: Superman I & II, Spider-Man 1 & II, X-Men I & II.

FINAL GRADE: A-

Let The Countdown Begin...

With the announcement of the Emmy nominations, I can't help but be reminded of all the greatness that is The Oscar Season. Yes, the Academy Awards are still a good 7 months away, but for so many film-obsessed individuals the Oscars are game for discussion 24 hours a day, 365 days a year (however, I do try to leave that extra leap year day that accumulates once every four years in February for non-Oscar related discussion...unless, of course, the Academy Awards happen to fall on that date, which has yet to happen).

That being said, I'd like to turn your attention to four Oscar-related websites that I hold in high regard. Some are old, some are new, and all serve to enable my wonderfully terrifying addiction to the Oscars...by the way, Mr. Cooper is also greatly responsible for said Oscar addiction...and for that I thank him dearly...

• - 'The Envelope' is actually a branch of the Los Angeles Times and bills itself as "the ultimate awards site"; this is really one of my favorite sites because it seems to have an insider's edge into the Oscars, as well as the entertainment industry in general.
• - 'For Your Consideration' is actually a relatively new blog, but I happen to know the creator, and there are few people that know more about the Oscars than 'FYC'; and, this all-Oscar-all-the-time blog is hosted by Blogger.com, the host site of the great funnybecauseitstrue.blogspot.com!
• - 'Oscar Watch' is yet another Oscar blog that I've been following for the past few years; the best part of this Oscar blog is the constantly updated section on the left side of the site, listing all of the films in each category that have generated a certain level of buzz (and later, have won awards), thus representing an organized roster of potential Oscar nominated films.
• - though it may appear a little more "unofficial" than some other Oscar sites, you can always count on 'The Film Experience' for interesting dialogue and predictions regarding the nominations (and eventual winners) of the Academy Awards; I never finalize my Oscar predictions without first listening to what this site has to say.

Oh, Emmy...You've Changed!

If you've already read Mr. Cooper's blog today, then you are well aware of the travesty that is the 2006 Emmy nominations. If not, allow me to explain.

Thanks to voting policy changes (I'm not exactly clear, but it has something to do with decisions involving panels of voters rather than individual voters) it was expected that the Emmy nominations may steer a little more towards the smaller, critically acclaimed shows and performances rather than the typical, more mainstream shows and performances. And there, ladies and gentlemen is the UNDERSTATEMENT OF THE CENTURY! Actually, to be fair, it's the misstatement of the century, because something is definitely different this year and it has less to do with 'critic's taste v. general public appeal' and more to do with 'bad television v. good television'.

I'll let the post-Emmy nominations analysis speak for itself...

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'Drama Series'

The Good News: '24' definitely deserved to be here with such an amazing season.

The Bad News: I'm sorry...did you say 'Lost' did not get a nomination...that would be one of the biggest upsets, considering it's easily the most creative show on television currently, while 'House' and 'Grey's Anatomy' serve as two more entries into the cookie-cutter medical drama category...I don't believe you...you're serious?!...I hate you, Emmy!

'Lead Actor, Drama Series'

The Good News: 'Kiefer Sutherland', much like the show, deserved this big time, and even though Mr. Cooper tells me he was hardly in the show this past season, it's nice to see 'Martin Sheen' get the nomination.

The Bad News: 'Christopher Meloni' from 'Law & Order: SVU'...huhhhhh?!

'Lead Actress, Drama Series'

The Good News: I guess 'Allison Janney' is good news, but this category has one of the biggest upsets in Emmy history...'Edie Falco' from 'The Sopranos' was not predicted to be a nominee in this category...she was GUARANTEED to be the WINNER! I'm not sure if the Emmy voters understand that she's not going to be able to win without the damn nomination! My mind is blown...

The Bad News: 'Geena Davis'...your show was cancelled; 'Kyra Sedgwick'...10 people watch your show on TNT; and 'Mariska Hargitay'...double huhhhhhh?!...oh, and did you hear about 'Edie Falco'!?!?

'Supporting Actor, Drama Series'

The Good News: So very glad that 'Gregory Itzin' from '24' got the nomination...President Logan was just an amazing character.

The Bad News: Somebody from 'Lost' should have been here...'Terry O'Quinn', 'Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje', anybody! But, instead, we have yet another nomination for the great 'William Shatner'..."shat" indeed!

'Supporting Actress, Drama Series’

The Good News: The same excitement goes to 'Jean Smart' as the First Lady on '24', very deserving.

The Bad News: Nobody listened to me about 'Sandra Oh'...she's a really annoying actress, people!

'Comedy Series'

The Good News: 'The Office' and 'Scrubs'...awesome! Also, 'Curb Your Enthusiasm' and 'Arrested Development' are great too...wait a minute...'Desperate Housewives' is missing.....YEAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

The Bad News: With all the good news, how could there be anything bad in this....oh....ohhh boy....oh no...is that 'Two and A Half Men'...back to depression-land.

'Lead Actor, Comedy Series'

The Good News: 'Steve Carell' deserves this nomination, and quite easily the win.

The Bad News: Oh my god, it's so bad I can't even think about it. 'Zach Braff' and 'Jason Bateman' have been screwed, big time...apparently hell has frozen over, and we have 'Charlie Sheen' and 'Kevin James' to thank.

'Lead Actress, Comedy Series'

The Good News: 'Jane Kaczmarek' has always been the real talent of 'Malcolm in the Middle', and it's nice to see 'Julia Louis-Dreyfus' get recognition for her post-Seinfeld talents. And, I would now like to admit that I was too harsh on 'Lisa Kudrow' (the change of heart is thanks to a talk with my girlfriend about how I have indeed laughed at Phoebe, and a talk with Mr. Cooper about 'The Comeback' being pretty good).

The Bad News: Well, it seems 'Stockard Channing's show 'Out of Practice' was cancelled, so that's just uncomfortable.

'Supporting Actor, Comedy Series'

The Good News: 'Jeremy Piven', 'Will Arnett', 'Bryan Cranston', 'Sean Hayes'...all deserving. Well, I guess that means this category was pretty good and...

The Bad News:...'Jon Cryer' from 'Two and a Half Men'...COME ON!!! Not 'John C. McGinley', not 'Jeffrey Tambor', not 'Donald Faison', not 'John Krasinski'...'Jon Cryer'?!...wow, who the hell are these voters?!

'Supporting Actress, Comedy Series'

The Good News: 'Jaime Pressly' and 'Megan Mullally' were my two picks, so that's nice. And, I forgot about 'Cheryl Hines' from 'Curb Your Enthusiasm', who is really great.

The Bad News: 'Desperate Housewives' snuck in a nomination here with 'Alfre Woodard'...damn!

'Variety Music or Comedy Series'

The Good News: This is THE best category of the entire 2006 Emmy Awards, and potentially of all Emmy history...'The Colbert Report', 'The Daily Show with Jon Stewart', 'Late Night with Conan O' Brien', 'Late Show with David Letterman', and 'Real Time with Bill Maher'...I'll sleep good tonight.

The Bad News: None whatsoever.

'Reality Competition Program'

The Good News: 'Survivor', my all-time favorite reality show, made the cut.

The Bad News: Anything 'American Idol' is bad in my book.

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It's Time To Nominate, Emmy Style

In an effort to be like the great Mr. Cooper, it's time for a blog post about the Emmy award nominations. Tomorrow morning, 8:30AM EST (a.k.a. 'CJ time') or 5:30AM PST (a.k.a. 'Mr. Cooper time'), the 2006 Emmy award nominations will be announced live on E!, and it's the second most exciting announcement of the entertainment year (obviously, the Oscar nominations are first).

Again, taking a chapter from the book of Mr. Cooper, I will be discuss who I think is deserving of an Emmy nomination, rather than predicting who I think will end up actually getting the nomination (for example, I know that Grey's Anatomy is going to get a nomination for 'Drama Series', but I don't watch the show because it's clearly ER with younger, prettier people and I don't give a rat's...well, you get the point). Also, I'm not commenting on every category because I don't really care about the various 'Mini Series' and 'Made-For-TV Movies' that TNT, FX, and Lifetime put out every year. So, without further ado...

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The 2006 Emmy Award Nominations-Eve Extravaganza

'Drama Series'

Nominate This Show Or I Hurt Someone - 'Lost', easily one of the deepest, most intricate drama's on television currently, and possibly ever.
Other Shows Deserving of A Nomination - '24' had one of the greatest seasons of the entire series, 'Prison Break' was a great new series with a lot of action, and HBO's 'Rome' was actually pretty entertaining, even with the overdone drama.
Please Do Not Nominate This Show - 'Boston Legal', I don't care how good people say this show was, IT WAS CANCELLED (and then I think it was eventually brought back, but I'm not sure...), let it go already!

'Lead Actor, Drama Series'

Nominate This Person Or I Hurt Someone - 'Kiefer Sutherland', he yells, tortures, and murders his way through 24 amazing hours...and makes it look easy!
Other People Deserving of A Nomination - 'Bill Paxton' is pretty good in 'Big Love', even though I've only watched a few episodes, and it'd be nice to give 'Martin Sheen' a farewell nod for the final season of 'The West Wing'.
Please Do Not Nominate This Person - 'Anthony La Paglia' from 'Without a Trace' is really just a poor man's Kiefer Sutherland...I'm not sure if what I just said actually means anything, but I'm going with it.

'Lead Actress, Drama Series'

Nominate This Person Or I Hurt Someone - 'Edie Falco', gave one of the greatest performances of her entire career on 'The Sopranos', ironically in one of the weakest years of the show, in my opinion.
Other People Deserving of A Nomination - 'Allison Janey' is always a powerful presence in 'The West Wing', and 'Jennifer Garner' deserves a farewell nod for a too-soon ended 'Alias'.
Please Do Not Nominate This Person - 'Patricia Arquette', I'm sorry but 'Medium' just looks like a terrible show and she really doesn't seem like she knows how to act.

'Supporting Actor, Drama Series'

Nominate This Person Or I Hurt Someone - 'Gregory Itzin', as the President on '24' turned what could have been a pretty standard bad-guy role into a wonderfully evil villain that I'll remember for a long time.
Other People Deserving of A Nomination - 'Terry O'Quinn' is a shining star in the ensemble cast of 'Lost', 'Ciarin Hinds' was really good as Julius Caesar in 'Rome', and 'Bradley Whitford' has always been great on 'The West Wing'.
Please Do Not Nominate This Person - 'William Shatner', hmmm let me think...you already know I hate 'Boston Legal'...how about he's also consistently mocked for being a terrible over-actor...that should do it.

'Supporting Actress, Drama Series'

Nominate This Person Or I Hurt Someone - Actually, there's no one person I think is really that amazing...so I won't have to hurt anyone over this category.
Other People Deserving of A Nomination - 'Jean Smart' was pretty good as the First Lady on '24'.
Please Do Not Nominate This Person - 'Sandra Oh', I'm not sure if there is any other actress in the world that I am more annoyed by than this woman...and you know I don't like 'Grey's Anatomy'...enough said.

'Comedy Series'

Nominate This Show Or I Hurt Someone - 'The Office', this show ranks up there with some of my all-time favorite comedies (I'm talking about 'Seinfeld' greatness), and has managed to develop it's own style from the British version, with an amazing lead cast and a perfect supporting cast.
Other Shows Deserving of A Nomination - 'Scrubs' has always been and continues to be a comedy like no other, and 'My Name Is Earl' could have been gimmicky but turned out to be a solid comedy unique in it's own ways.
Please Do Not Nominate This Show - 'Desperate Housewives', uhhhhhh, pleeeeease don't nominate this...I know you will...damn you!

'Lead Actor, Comedy Series'

Nominate This Person Or I Hurt Someone - 'Steve Carell', he's a comedy genius in 'The Office' with natural talents that consistently shine through.
Other People Deserving of A Nomination - 'Zach Braff' has perfected his goofy guy role on 'Scrubs', I hear 'Jason Bateman' is great on 'Arrested Development', and 'Ricky Gervais' is his natural self in 'Extras'.
Please Do Not Nominate This Person - Charlie Sheen, I can't think of a more unfunny, unoriginal show with less talented actors on television right now than 'Two and a Half Men'...that's a little harsh...it's better than 'Desperate Housewives'.

'Lead Actress, Comedy Series'

Nominate This Person Or I Hurt Someone - Nobody jumping out at me...
Other People Deserving of A Nomination - 'Jane Kaczmarek' was pretty good on the too-long running 'Malcolm In The Middle', and, although I've never seen the show, I imagine 'Julia Louis-Dreyfus' is good on 'Old Christine'.
Please Do Not Nominate This Person - Lisa Kudrow, I never had the slightest urge to watch 'The Comeback' and I'm not sure I ever really laughed from Phoebe when she was on 'Friends' (my girlfriend won't like me for saying that one).

'Supporting Actor, Comedy Series'

Nominate This Person Or I Hurt Someone - 'John C. McGinley', he is consistently overlooked for his amazing performances on 'Scrubs', performances that are so intricate in their hilarity I get tired just watching them.
Other People Deserving of A Nomination - Wow, there's a lot...'John Krasinski' and 'Rainn Wilson' are perfect on 'The Office', 'Donald Faison' is an excellent sidekick on 'Scrubs', 'Ethan Suplee' has great delivery on 'My Name is Earl', and I hear that 'Jeffrey Tambor' is great on 'Arrested Development' and 'Jeremy Piven' is great on 'Entourage'.
Please Do Not Nominate This Person - 'Neil Patrick Harris', I don't care if people say he's "really funny" on the show, because the show is just awful...that's like saying the paper that's wrapped around the McDonald's hamburger is "really nice".

'Supporting Actress, Comedy Series'

Nominate This Person Or I Hurt Someone - 'Jaime Pressly', she definitely surprised everyone by proving that she can (a) act, and (b) be funny on 'My Name Is Earl'.
Other People Deserving of A Nomination - 'Megan Mullally' has always been the funniest person of the 'Will & Grace' cast.
Please Do Not Nominate This Person - Umm, basically anyone else...

'Variety Music or Comedy Series'

Nominate This Show Or I Hurt Someone - 'The Colbert Report', Stephen Colbert is simply hilarious and his comedy is consistently smart and topical.
Other Shows Deserving of A Nomination - 'Late Night with Conan O' Brien' is the incredibly funny future of late night, and HBO's 'Real Time with Bill Maher' is the best place for debate and humor.
Please Do Not Nominate This Show - 'Saturday Night Live', I used to be a big fan but then Keenan Thompson happened.

'Reality Competition Program'

Nominate This Show Or I Hurt Someone - 'Survivor', the show has had so many seasons I lost count, and almost every one of them has been exciting thanks to small, yet effective, changes each season.
Other Shows Deserving of A Nomination - I was skeptical at first, but 'Deal or No Deal' was the most addictively fun show I've seen in a long time.
Please Do Not Nominate This Show - 'American Idol'...there, I said it! Sorry, but the show is tired and the winner's career's go NO WHERE...why should I care anymore?

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