Football Lives Here

For all NY Giants fans out there, it looks like your team will be making the playoffs this year, thanks to tonight's win against the Redskins. AND, there is a chance that the Giants will be playing the Eagles in the first round; as a newborn Eagles fan (thanks to my soon-to-be brother-in-law, and my later-to-be father-in-law), that would be an exciting game to watch.

OF COURSE, a set of freakish events could transpire tomorrow that would result in the Packers ending up with the final wild card slot that the NY Giants currently hold, and those events would include:

• Green Bay Packers beat the Chicago Bears...unlikely, considering the Bears have the best record in the NFL this season (tied with San Diego).

AND

• Arizona, Detroit, Miami, Minnesota, and San Francisco ALL win their games...if any one of these teams loses, it's the Giants in the playoffs.

AND

• Carolina, Houston, and Tampa Bay ALL lose their games...any one of these teams win, again, the Giants reign.
  

This would result in an INSANE mathematical tie breaker situation in which the Packers win out because of a "strength of victory" record, in part based on the outcomes of the above games (with a Packers win over the Bears, both the Packers and the Giants have an 8-8 season, they didn't play each other so there's no head-to-head match, they would both have a 7-5 conference record and a 1-4 record against common opponents...thus, the "strength of victory" record is the next method of measure for tiebreakers). This is not even discussing the possibility for a TIE in the "strength of victory", which would THEN go to a "strength of schedule" factor...which would ultimately result in John Madden's head exploding.

Until the NFL playoffs begin, college bowl games are where it's at (and for this obsession, I'd like to thank Mr. Cooper). I think I'm averaging watching two bowl games a day (from the ever-amazing Scarlet Knights in the Texas Bowl, to the tenacious Terps of the Univ. of Maryland in the Champs Sports Bowl, to the extremely disapointing Virginia Tech Hokies in tonight's Chick-fil-A Bowl, and beyond!). These ESPN announcers have been getting me all pumped up over the Rose Bowl between Univ. of Michigan and USC being played on New Year's Day (which, thanks to it's history in college football, seems to be getting more attention than the BCS Championship game between Ohio State and Florida).

In closing, let's just take a moment to acknowledge that the Big East currently leads all of the conferences in the highest bowl game win ratio, with a 2-0 bowl record (the only conference left with a 100% win ratio), and is favored to win all three of its remaining bowl games (namely, the bowl games of West Virginia, Louisville, and Cincinnati). Let's go Big East!

myPod

Finally...I join the ranks of millions of people worldwide that are proud owners of Apple's child of light, the iPod. Thanks to my fiance, and a little holiday known as Christmas, I will no longer have to spend time away from the wonderful world of music, movies, photos, and podcasts. One problem, though...I apparently have freakishly small ears, so the ear buds cause massive amounts of trauma when shoved into my delicate ears; thankfully, a nice pair of Sony headphones that wrap around the outside of the ear will do the trick.

So far, I've spent about 4 hours transferring music to my iTunes library, and I still have a stack of CDs, PLUS dozens of movie files to organize, PLUS hundreds of photos to transfer, PLUS many more podcasts and free stuff to subscribe to on iTunes.

My goal: to ring in the New Year with an iPod fit for a king...and I only have 2 days, 2 hours, and 33 minutes left!

We Are The Champions!

The Scarlet Knights are the 2006 Texas Bowl Champs!
Until next season...GO RU!

Ho! Ho! Ho!

* * * MERRY CHRISTMAS * * *

(What's with all the nose rubbing, Santa?
Spend a little too much time with the
white powder, if you know what I mean?)

A Little Last Minute Holiday Fun

Three holiday-themed websites that will keep you busy for far longer than you ever planned...

• Elf Yourself......thanks to some very bored workers at Office Max, you now have the ability to paste the heads of your friends, families, and enemies onto a dancing elf. Trust me, you haven't truly laughed until your aging college professor appears to be doing pelvic thrusts dressed as an elf.

• Christmas Dress Up Jesus......this one is fun for the whole family! Plus, you can finally stop wondering what Jesus would look like dressed up as a gingerbread man wearing a diaper.

• Simon Sez Santa......well, this site is pretty self-explanatory. It's Simon Says with a guy dressed as Santa. My favorite command thus far: 'destroy set'.

ENJOY!

STOP! Your Fridge Just Ate Your Child

While looking through a bunch of bins of assorted junk that I packed away after moving out of college, I came upon this brochure for the mini-refrigerator that was in my room senior year. I haven't experienced the joy of this warning in quite some time, and so I thought I'd share it with everyone. After taking a look at this picture, I can't help but ponder the following questions:

1. Does the person that drew this warning feel like they've achieved success in their graphic artist career?
2. The one kid is seconds away from smashing that ball into the other kid's face, right?
3. What the heck is the child that's halfway inside the refrigerator being fed, and is he too young to be a candidate for gastric bypass surgery?
   
4. Has personal responsibility in America become so poor that we need to be reminded that our children shouldn't be left alone to play near sinisterly ajar refrigerators?

So Much For Good Things In Small Packages

Still not sure what to get that special someone for the holidays? Thanks to Saturday Night Live, your gift giving problems are solved...

(Make sure the kids are out of the room...just tell them you have to talk to Santa.)

Hanukkah, Oh Hanukkah

* * * * HAPPY HANUKKAH * * * *

[NOTE: Please read this post once every day for the following eight days
to experience the accurate warmth of my Hanukkah shout-out.]

Health in America: Addendum

Not trying to beat a dead horse here, but check out what was in the 'Notebook' section of this week's Time magazine. Citing research of the United Health Foundation, there seems to be mixed news regarding the progression of American health since 1990...

["Americans are 19% healthier than in 1990...Fewer people smoke, more are immunized. But before we drink to our health, keep in mind that as a nation, we're also 110% fatter, and 19% more of us have no health insurance."]

Yes, you read that correctly...110% fatter...ONE HUNDRED AND TEN PERCENT FATTER!!! And, with tens of millions more Americans not having health insurance, that means all those medical costs associated with that 110% percent fat are a VERY large financial burden to all Americans.

Come on, America. We've opened our eyes to the harmful effects of smoking over the past two decades. It's time to do the same for our dietary habits.

i'm not lovin' it

I Love NY

I've been meaning to send a very HUGE thank you to the Health Board of New York City, which voted last week to ban the use of artificial trans fats in restaurants. As of July 2008...

* NYC is Trans Fat Free *

Wow, that's catchy...if this becomes the official slogan of the trans fat ban, I expect just compensation. New York City, you were the first to lead the fight on smoking bans, and now this...I'm very impressed.

Finally, I can take "harmful health effects of trans fat" off my list of 'Things Far Too Many Americans Pretend Do Not Exist' (also, a big thanks to Al Gore for helping some of the late bloomers to see that global warming is not just "the sun being really happy"). Next up: "rampant American poverty", as well as a favorite of mine, "evolution".

Way too many Americans look like this...thanks for doing your part NYC.

As American As Apple Pie

With Hanukkah just one week away, Christmas a little over two weeks away, and the New Year a little over three weeks away, I think it's time to officially kick off the Holiday Season!

And, what better to celebrate this glorious occasion than a classic holiday video with a new twist...ENJOY!

There's Always Time For 'Time'

This week's issue of Time magazine has a small article in the 'Notebook' section that discusses how the U.S. government is looking to revise the citizenship test to "focus less on memory and more on understanding" (you can read it online here). They listed the following 10 sample questions, and a goal of 6 questions correct to "pass". Unfortunately, for the amount of people I know that would get 6 of these questions correct, I know about 10 times as many that would get less than 6 questions correct (many of which would likely get closer to NONE right). I think I know one person that has a shot at getting all 10 of these questions right...consider that a challenge Mr. Cooper!...that is, unless you've already read your copy of Time...don't cheat! For the rest of you, give it a shot (the answers are at the bottom of this post).

Oh...how many did I get right, you ask? Well...9 out of 10, unfortunately...DAMN YOU, USELESS MOUNTAIN TRIVIA!

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1. What do we call the first 10 amendments to the Constitution?
2. The House of Representatives has how many voting members?
3. What Cabinet-level agency advises the President on foreign policy?
4. Who is the Chief Justice of the Supreme Court now?
5. What does it mean that the U.S. Constitution is a constitution of limited powers?
6. What is the current minimum wage in the U.S.?
7. What are "inalienable rights"?
8. Name one of the writers of the Federalist Papers.
9. What territory did the United States buy from France in 1803?
10. What is the tallest mountain in the United States?

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[Answers: (1) the Bill of Rights; (2) 435; (3) the State Department; (4) John Roberts; (5) the Federal Government has only the powers that the Constitution states that it has, or the states have all powers that the Federal Government does not; (6) $5.15; (7) rights that people are born with; (8) James Madison, Alexander Hamilton or John Jay; (9) Louisiana, or the Louisiana Territory; (10) Mount McKinley, or Denal]

Don't Wanna Be An American Idiot

Ok, I'm trying not to judge, America. You've consistently made The Tonight Show with Jay Leno the #1 late night talk show...I stayed silent. You've enjoyed watching American Idol, eating fast food, and reading USA Today...I've looked the other way. You've even elected and, more amazingly, RE-elected George W. Bush in 2000 and 2004...I sucked it up (after many weeks of depression that would come to be cured by a Democratic landslide victory in the 2006 midterm elections). But now, you've crossed the line...

According to an MSNBC report regarding fraudulent emails sent out by those infamous "princes" of African nations, Americans have spent an estimated $185 million dollars on these scam emails, each sending thousands and thousands of dollars off in an attempt to "claim their fortune"..............WHAT!?!?!?!

First question...who is sending this money?
Next...how long have they been using drugs and/or eating paint chips?
And lastly...are we allowed, as concerned citizens, to physically harm these individuals?

Quite frankly, I'm stunned. Look, America, I'm willing to be reasonable. I'll pretend that pumping your money into casino slot machines is not the same as flushing your money down a toilet, but you have to promise to STOP SENDING MONEY TO SCAM EMAILS!!!

[NOTE: If you're having trouble figuring out which emails are scams, here's a good rule to follow: once you get the email, take a few minutes to punch yourself in the face; if, after you're done, you still think it's a good idea to send money to an email you randomly received, go for it.]

In Triple-OT, Rutgers-39 West Virginia-41

Both literally and figuratively slipped through their fingers.

Yet Another Way I'm Less Talented Than A Dog

You may have seen Tyson before, he's pretty famous. I first saw him on The Ellen DeGeneres Show a few weeks back, and I was blown away by how genuinely happy he was with skateboarding. If you have yet to seen Tyson in action, I suggest you take a look at this video...

Just Dropping In To Say Hello

There really is nothing better than video of stupid criminals. That being said, this one deserves to be in the Hall of Fame of Stupid Criminals...

One More

Some visual highlights of Rutgers defeating Syracuse at the final home game of our 2006 Scarlet Knights...

Happy Belated Thanksgiving!

I've been so busy eating homemade stuffing, I forgot to mention...

Nice Try Cheerios

Cheerios has been heavily marketing their newest creation, a cereal called Fruity Cheerios. Hmmmm, a cereal made up of small, fruity circles...circles that one might even call loop-shaped...I feel like this fruitish, loopy-like cereal is oddly familiar...wait...wait a minute...HEY!

Nice try Cheerios, but I think Fruit Loops beat you to this idea by a few decades or so. AND, I happen to have gotten my hands on some upcoming cereal creations by Cheerios, and they too seem oddly familiar...

• 'Flake-ios'...flake-shaped Cheerios lightly covered in frosted, sugary goodness!

• 'Count Cheerio's Chocolate Cheerios'...they're chocolate, they're marshmallow, they're Cheerios!

• 'Lucky Cheerios'...they're always after me Lucky Cheerios!

Saturday Night At The Movies...And Sunday Night, Monday Night, Tuesday Night...

Damn my local theater for having 24 screens! There are just TOO many movies out right now! Here's the rundown...

~Movies I Need to See ASAP~

• Babel
• Casino Royale
  

~Movies I Will Hopefully See Soon~

• Fast Food Nation
• Flags of Our Fathers
• The Prestige
• The Queen

~Movies I'll Wait To See on DVD~

• Marie Antoinette
• Running With Scissors
• Stranger Than Fiction

Top Of The Line

My plan was genius. The opportunity to reserve one of the six Playstation 3 systems being shipped to local Electronics Boutique and Gamestop stores had come and gone, and I was only a few hours too late. But, my new plan would surely work...

Best Buy!!! But, is Best Buy even receiving any Playstation 3 units, I pondered? Yes they are! According to their website, each store will be selling 25 units on November 17th, the official release date of the Playstation 3. The website continued on by stating that the first 25 people in line at 8AM on Friday would be able to purchase one system.

"Perfect", I thought. I'll arrive around 6AM, be one of the first people in line, spend $600 on a Playstation 3, and then turn around and sell it on eBay for 3 times as much! My plan was flawless...until...

I decided to take a ride to my local Best Buy. I figured I'd chat with a sales clerk, try and get some insider info into the release date procedure...but before I could even enter the store, I was confronted by an extremely disappointing site. People...in line...waiting...outside of the store...waiting to purchase a Playstation 3...THREE DAYS BEFORE THE RELEASE DATE!!! Upon entering the store, I wearily approached the nearest sales clerk and asked "Tell me that's not what I think it is.", to which he replied "Yep...Playstation 3." I was floored. It turns out these 30 or so people standing outside of the Best Buy had been there since the day before, prepared with chairs, sleeping equipment, food, etc. The clerk continued on by explaining how the same thing had occurred a year ago during the release of the X-Box 360, and 5 years ago during the release of the Playstation 2 (only in those years, the initial U.S. release numbers for those systems were in the millions, rather than in the hundreds of thousands).

Listen, I have nothing against waiting in lines for long periods of time to get highly anticipated goods and services. I myself once waiting for over 6 hours outside (and eventually inside) of a Sam's Club to have a freshly purchased copy of My Life signed by Former President Bill Clinton (by the way, he's taller than I expected...then again, most people are when you're 5'5" tall). However, if someone came up to me on the street and said "Hey, I can guarantee you a Playstation 3 system on release date, that you'll be able to sell on eBay and make a thousand dollars or so, and all YOU have to do is drive to Best Buy and live outside of the store entrance for 4 days...what do you think!?", I'd look them straight in the eyes and say..."Your car or mine?"

Trailer Trash...And More!

Now that election season is over, it's time to get back to what really matters: obsessing over movies and television. Read on...

• I guess you have to take the good with the bad. This past week, two highly-anticipated trailers premiered for two highly-anticipated movies: Spider-Man 3 and The Simpsons Movie. The Spider-Man 3 trailer (which can be found at ifilm.com) was exciting, and showcases just how chaotic this third installment is going to be. On the other hand, The Simpsons Movie trailer (which can be found here) is just plain awful. I expect a "world premiere" trailer to be funny and/or provide some insight into the general plot of the movie...this achieved neither. I expected better from you, Mr. Groening.

• I have to say, I have never seen acting so poor as the acting in this clip of Law & Order. And, the acting is done by none other than (no surprise here) Chevy Chase! On a recent episode of Law & Order, Chevy Chase plays a washed up, drunk, abusive actor that goes crazy when he is pulled over...sound like any celebrities we know? It's clear they wanted to achieve that "ripped from the headlines" feeling, but this is just laughable.

• If you're like me or Mr. Cooper, you've already spent countless hours watching dozens of Borat clips on YouTube...BUT, have you seen this interview that Sacha Baron Cohen did with David Letterman as himself? Even though it's from a few years ago, this is one of the rare occurrences where Cohen has done an interview as himself. It's great to see how well-mannered the man being the racist, sexist, perverted Kazakhstani journalist really is.

Best Week Ever

This week...the Democrats retook control of both houses in the United States Congress, and now hold the Governorships in 28 states.

This week...the Rutgers football team defeated Louisville in one of the greatest victories in the history of college football, and is now ranked 6th in the BCS standings.

This week...Britney Spears filed for divorce from Kevin Federline, effectively halting production of Britney and Kevin's legion of "super-trash babies".

This week...was the Best Week Ever.

A Knight To Remember

Words cannot do justice to the history-making event that was the Rutgers v. Louisville football game of November 9th, 2006. These pictures and videos, however, help to send you back to that amazing night when all eyes were on the Scarlet Knights...

The People Have Spoken

Well, there you have it. Once again, the Republicans will maintain control of both the House and the Sen...wait...wait a minute...oh boy...oh my god...OH MY GOD! AHHHHH!! FINALLY!!! "YESSSSSS!!! THEY DID IT!!!

*** THE DEMOCRATS HAVE RETAKEN CONTROL OF CONGRESS ***

I channel my inner Borat for this occasion...WA WA WEE WA! It was an amazing election night for the Democrats, and both Mr. Cooper and I were there every step of the way...in front of our televisions, of course.

Let's see how successful my predictions were from my earlier post:

• Jon Kyl in Arizona...check
• Joe Lieberman in Connecticut...check
• Bill Nelson in Florida...check (big surprise, a disabled monkey throwing his own feces at voters would have beaten Katherine Harris)
• Ben Cardin in Maryland...check
• Jon Tester in Montana...check
• Claire McCaskill in Missouri...check
• Robert Menendez in New Jersey...check
• Sherrod Brown in Ohio...check
• Robert Casey in Pennsylvania...check
• Sheldon Whitehouse in Rhode Island...check
• Bob Corker in Tennessee...unfortunately for Harold Ford, check
• And finally, I barely chose George Allen in Virginia...and I'm so damn happy I was wrong! Pending a magic box full of 7,000 Allen votes being misplaced in Virginia, Jim Webb will be the 6th and final Democratic seat gain necessary to control the Senate!

So, 11 out of 12 predictions correct...pretty good (especially considering the Webb-Allen race is less than a 0.5% difference). I simply cannot express how excited I am for the newly elected Democrat House and Senate, and I sincerely hope they aim high with their ambitions over the next couple of years, keeping in mind the needs of all Americans, but especially those Americans most in need.

In closing, I leave you with various observations - some amusing, some amazing - that I made during the course of this election season...

• Number of hours after the polls closed on the East Coast before we knew the results of senate seats in Ohio, Connecticut, New Jersey, Rhode Island, Maryland, and Pennsylvania: 3
  
• Number of hours after the polls closed in Montana before we knew the results of the Montana senate seat: 14

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• Number of racial groups you need to offend to barely lose a senate election in Virginia: 2

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• Number of races in the House and Senate combined that Democratic challengers won against Republican incumbents: 26
  
• Number of races in the House and Senate combined that Republican challengers won against Democratic incumbents: 0

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• Number of re-elected Governors that have spoken the phrases "rubber-baby-buggy-bumpers", "I don't care who does what to your Hershey highway", and "I'm a cop you idiot": the one and only 'Governator'

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• Number of times the phrase "too close to call" was uttered on MSNBC, CNN, and Fox News election night: 22...thousand

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• Number of eggs on Karl Rove's face: a dozen for each lost Republican race

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• Number of total hours of televised election day coverage I watched: 16