The following members of the entertainment industry should apologize to the public for being involved with the movie Mars Attacks!...
[UPDATE: I want to thank the weather powers that be for complying with my demand...it's currently snowing in NJ. For my next request, I ask you, weather gods, please make money fall from the sky in NJ. Thank you.]
I read this list last night, before the president’s speech, and it bears repeating because its shape and texture are perceptible only in such a context.
Before Mr. Bush was elected, he said nation-building was wrong for America.
Now he says it is vital.
He said he would never put U.S. troops under foreign control.
Last night he promised to embed them in Iraqi units.
He told us about WMD.
Mobile labs.
Secret sources.
Aluminum tubes.
Yellow-cake.
He has told us the war is necessary:
Because Saddam was a material threat.
Because of 9/11.
Because of Osama Bin Laden. Al-Qaida. Terrorism in general.
To liberate Iraq. To spread freedom. To spread Democracy. To prevent terrorism by gas price increases.
Because this was a guy who tried to kill his dad.
Because — 439 words in to the speech last night — he trotted out 9/11 again.
In advocating and prosecuting this war he passed on a chance to get Abu Musab Al-Zarqawi.
To get Muqtada Al-Sadr. To get Bin Laden.
He sent in fewer troops than the generals told him to. He ordered the Iraqi army disbanded and the Iraqi government “de-Baathified.”
He short-changed Iraqi training. He neglected to plan for widespread looting. He did not anticipate sectarian violence.
He sent in troops without life-saving equipment. He gave jobs to foreign contractors, and not Iraqis. He staffed U.S. positions there, based on partisanship, not professionalism.
He and his government told us: America had prevailed, mission accomplished, the resistance was in its last throes.
He has insisted more troops were not necessary. He has now insisted more troops are necessary.
He has insisted it’s up to the generals, and then removed some of the generals who said more troops would not be necessary.
He has trumpeted the turning points:
The fall of Baghdad, the death of Uday and Qusay, the capture of Saddam. A provisional government, a charter, a constitution, the trial of Saddam. Elections, purple fingers, another government, the death of Saddam.
He has assured us: We would be greeted as liberators — with flowers;
As they stood up, we would stand down. We would stay the course; we were never about “stay the course.”
We would never have to go door-to-door in Baghdad. And, last night, that to gain Iraqis’ trust, we would go door-to-door in Baghdad.
He told us the enemy was al-Qaida, foreign fighters, terrorists, Baathists, and now Iran and Syria.
He told us the war would pay for itself. It would cost $1.7 billion. $100 billion. $400 billion. Half a trillion. Last night’s speech alone cost another $6 billion.
And after all of that, now it is his credibility versus that of generals, diplomats, allies, Democrats, Republicans, the Iraq Study Group, past presidents, voters last November and the majority of the American people.
Mr. Bush, this is madness.
You have lost the military. You have lost the Congress to the Democrats. You have lost most of the Iraqis. You have lost many of the Republicans. You have lost our allies.
You are losing the credibility, not just of your presidency, but more importantly of the office itself.
And most imperatively, you are guaranteeing that more American troops will be losing their lives, and more families their loved ones. You are guaranteeing it!
This becomes your legacy, sir: How many of those you addressed last night as your “fellow citizens” you just sent to their deaths.
And for what, Mr. Bush?
So the next president has to pull the survivors out of Iraq instead of you?
Deal or No Deal Online.......it's just as fun playing this online version with no real money at stake, I swear...ok, it kind of sucks, but play it anyway.
DonLaFontaine.com......the official website of the famous movie trailer voice over guy (yes, the one that you and I and every person in America has imitated saying "In a world...").
HornyManatee.com......courtesy of Late Night with Conan O'Brien (I'm sure you're confused by this one, but here is a NY Times article to explain everything-->NY Times).
Yes, I have a New Year's resolution...how novel. As cliched as New Year's resolutions are, if a person truly commits to changing something negative about themselves rather than making empty promises, I'm totally supportive. And, so, I find myself striving to achieve something that I've struggled with for the first 23 years of my life...nail biting.
...radio stations have to stop playing Sexy Back. Look, we get it: Justin Timberlake brought sexy back. But he brought it back in 2006. Now that sexy is back, that song is as outdated as Prince's Party Like It's 1999.
operated with a paper filing system, it was somewhat quaint. But it's 2007, and (assuming you're under the age of 60) if you still don't have an email address and/or use Google on a semi-regular basis, you're just sad.
...Starbucks is no longer allowed to get my order wrong. You've virtually cornered the entire hot drink market, opened thousands of locations around the globe, serve millions of customers every day, and yet you can't remember that I said no damn whipped cream on my hot chocolate!? This goes double for Panera. You have no problem preparing the Frontega Chicken Hot Panini for the guy ahead of me, but when it comes to my turkey and cheese on French bread, you're stumped. Fix this please.
Saying "we should just trust our President in every decision he makes"? Yep. In 2007, don't be shocked when Britney Spears makes love to a monkey or punches a nun in the face. Simply put, Britney Spears is so trashy she makes Cletus from The Simpsons look like George Clooney.
...President Bush must recognize that the current Iraq War is another Vietnam. Actually, that's not entirely fair. The Iraq War is not another Vietnam. It's much worse, based primarily on the fact that the events of Vietnam preceded those of the current Iraq War, and therefore should have prevented an American military quagmire from happening once again.
