The Democrats Have Spoken

And there you have it, the first presidential debate of the 2008 election.

I have to say, I really enjoyed the debate. Sure, there weren't a ton of fireworks (maybe a few roman candles fired off here and there, especially when the lower profile candidates started duking it out with the higher profile candidates towards the end over the issue of military force), and some parts of the debate proceedings were a tad tacky. For example...hand vote questions? Really? Couldn't you just go with 'yes' or 'no' answers from the candidates? I'm just scared we're on a slippery slope here, and by next year we're going to have the candidates answering word association questions ("Ok, this one's for you Senator Clinton.....'Monica'.) All kidding aside, it was really great to see all the candidates in one place and to really find out which of them, in this early stage, truly has the potential to last all the way to November 2008.

Here are my picks for the winners and losers of tonight's debate...

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Biggest Winner: Hillary Clinton...For someone who had nowhere to go but down, and was likely going to be the political target of the night, Hillary handled herself incredibly well. She had great poise, she communicated her views rather effectively, and she really proved why she is leading the Democratic contenders right now. Mr. Cooper made a great point in our post-debate discussion, namely that for the first time he actually feels like he could potentially vote for Hillary, and I completely agree.

First Runner-Up: Joe Biden...Biden really came across as a well-spoken, likable guy with some serious policy plans (including an Iraq political strategy unlike any other candidate). I really think events like these will help give the Biden campaign a much needed boost along the primary campaign trail.

Second Runner-Up: (TIE) John Edwards & Barack Obama...To describe both John Edwards and Barack Obama I'd say this: neither of them were overly-impressive, they each had a few minor problems, and, when all is said and done, they both ended up looking like adequate candidates. For Edwards I don't think this is a big deal because he has been relatively successful in his third place status, but for Obama, who has been hyped to the extreme from day one, this may end up being the theme of his campaign, namely that he doesn't live up to the hype.

The Small Surprise: Dennis Kucinich...This is probably because Mike Gravel ended up filling the role of 'looney toon' (more on this below), but Dennis Kucinich really held his own on a stage full of "legitimate candidates". Kucinich really presented himself as a serious candidate with serious positions, even if those positions tended to be radical ones. Would I ever vote for him? No, but at least now I'm listening.

Nothing Lost, Nothing Gained: Chris Dodd...In this debate, Dodd was really just a non-entity. Simple as that. He seems like a nice enough guy, though.

The Joke: Mike Gravel...Ohhhhhh boy. Get the straight-jacket ready, this guy is NUTS! He was successful in this debate if the American people want a self-absorbed crybaby for their president. Not to mention, I've now seen this guy deliver three interviews on MSNBC and on EVERY one of them he's cursed while answering questions. Very classy.

Biggest Loser: Bill Richardson...This, for me, is the biggest shock of the night. So many political pundits had Richardson listed as there "most likely of the lower tier candidates to break out as a result of this debate" pick. QUITE the opposite. He failed on every possible level, including having the appearance of being both angry and constipated (although, if he was truly constipated, I guess it would follow that he would be angry about that), observing horrible debate conduct especially with regard to time limits, and delivering answers that were just plain terrible! What a huge disappointment! I really wanted to see Richardson go further, but I'm afraid his campaign goose is cooked.

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What it all boils down to is which of these candidates "looked presidential". The answer, in my opinion, is: definitely Hillary, surely Biden and Edwards, and barely Obama. As for the rest of the pack: no way. So, my prediction is that we see Hillary, Obama, Edwards, and Biden still in the race come the day of the first primary election (assuming that none of them do anything in the meantime to self-destruct their campaign...and assuming Al Gore doesn't get in.) From then on, it all depends on how those early primary results turn out.

I conclude here with something I was really happy to see with tonight's debate: a sense of cordiality and respectable informality among the Democratic candidates. It's likely that as the primary dates get closer the candidates will get more ruthless, but it was very politically savvy of the mainstream and secondary Democratic candidates to come to this sort of unofficial campaign peace treaty so that they may demonstrate to the American people that civil discourse is not only preferable, it's actually embraced by the Democratic Party. I also bring this up to highlight my prediction that the Republican debate next Thursday is likely to be much less pleasant, mainly because these Republicans will have to answer questions in front of the general television viewing population of the country and not just some tiny republican base-filled event hall, and answers like "the surge plan is making progress in Iraq" and "we're fighting them over there so we don't have to fight them over here" just aren't going to cut it.

Oh Happy Day!

Finally, the day has come! The first debates of the 2008 presidential campaign season are here! Even with soooo many months left until primary season, we political junkies (and the other 70% of Americans thoroughly disgusted with the current occupants of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue) are blessed with the opportunity to scrutinize those individuals that may or may not become the new head honcho come January 2009.

Tomorrow night at 7 pm (exclusively on MSNBC), the Democrats will duke it out in a no-holds-barred political debate moderated by none other than the affable Brian Williams...and by "no-holds-barred" I'm referring to such possibilities as Joe Biden proudly announcing his newest slogan "Joe Biden: The Other White Meat", or Dennis Kucinich unveiling his newest Iraq plan of pulling all the troops out by "the conclusion of this debate". Next Thursday at 8 pm (also only on MSNBC), the Republicans will have their turn with Chris Matthews at the moderator's table. The areas where all Republican candidates will likely agree: while continuing the search for Bin Laden it's very important to "never forget the lessons of Pearl Harbor", George Bush is the closest any person has ever come to being as great as Jesus Christ, and supporting abortion rights and gay rights was "soooo my previous term".

For the Democrats tomorrow night, I expect each of the candidates to do the following: Hilary will try to come across as strong AND warm (expect one heckuva pants suit coupled with a glowing smile); Obama will need to prove that there's substance behind those grand speeches, while making sure to keep the charm flowing (I predict the phrase 'the American people' will be uttered over 100 times by Obama alone); Edwards has to remind people why he deserves to maintain front runner status (his $750 pedicure and manicure should help); Biden needs to shout as loud as possible to make sure he's not forgotten (HOWEVER, he needs to tread carefully in the political waters around him...PLEASE do not try and make a joke along the lines of "What do you get when you mix a few white men, one woman, a black man, and a Hispanic man? This debate!...And also, the American people." Please, Joe, please don't.); Chris Dodd and Bill Richardson have to prove, once and for all, who is the better Spanish speaker (And NO, Biden, you're not allowed to attempt Spanish words and phrases because you'll end up saying something like "Los niños de Americanos son muy feos"...look it up); Dennis Kucinich has to try and keep the audience from laughing at him, and Mike Gravel (yeah, I don't know who the hell he is either) has to keep the police from trying to escort him off the stage as a "debate crasher".

Well, this is it America, there's no turning back now. The only question I have left as we prepare for what can only be described as 'political history in the making'...how long will it take one of the candidates to accidentally refer to Barack Obama as 'Senator Osama' and/or discuss how we need to continue the hunt for 'Obama Bin Laden'......Damn it, Biden!

You Have Entered...The Twilight Zone

==>April 17th: Word got out that Democratic Presidential Candidate John Edwards allowed his campaign committee to pick up the tab for two of his recent haircuts...which cost $400 each. This story made me realize that every news week must have at least one hair-related news story...Britney shaves her head...the horror-tastic Sanjaya hairdos...even Don Imus's hair-raising comments (you see what I did there?). Who will be the subject of this week's hair-related news story? Only time will tell.

==>April 19th: When asked during an interview whose idea it was to start a pre-emptive war in Iraq, Karl Rove responded "I think it was Osama Bin Laden's." To be fair, Bin Laden was one of the worst dictators Iraq had ever seen...wait, didn't Bin Laden used to go by a different name when he was an Iraqi dictator? 'Saddam' something or other? Eh, I must be mistaken.

==>April 21st: Students of Turner County High School in Ashburn, Georgia held an integrated prom, with black and white students attending the same prom, for the first time ever. The explanation of "It's always been a tradition since my daddy was in school..." was given by one of the students. Well then, dear, your daddy and your community are what the rest of us call 'racists'.

==>April 23rd: After a meeting with Gen. David Petraeus, President Bush stated "There's been some progress [in Iraq]. There's been some horrific bombings, of course. There's also been a decline in sectarian violence." So, which was it in Iraq today: "progress" and declining violence, or "horrific bombings"? Let's take a look...

• 9 U.S. soldiers killed in suicide car bomb with 20 more U.S. soldiers and 1 Iraqi civilian wounded.
• 1 U.S. soldier killed in Muqtadya in roadside bomb.
• 6 Iraqi police officers, including 1 police general, killed in a suicide car bomb in Baquba.
• 20 Iraqi civilians killed and 35 more wounded by suicide car bomb at a restaurant in Ramadi.
• 4 Iraqi civilians and police killed, with 6 more wounded, in a suicide car bomb just outside of Ramadi.
• 7 Iraqis killed and 16 more wounded when a suicide bomber detonated an explosive vest inside of a restaurant near the Green Zone.
• 10 people dead and 20 more wounded by suicide car bomb in Tal Uskuf.
• A mosque in southwest Baghdad was bombed, with a mosque guard being killed during entry into the mosque to set explosives.
• Two parked car bombs exploded near Iran's embassy.

Hmmm...I think it was more of a "horrific bombings" day, kind of like the other 1,450+ days since President Bush's banner declared "Mission Accomplished" on the deck of the USS Abraham Lincoln.

Earth Day, The Bill Maher Way

New Rule: From now on Earth Day really must be a year round thing. And in honor of this Earth Day, starting Monday supermarket clerks must stop putting the big bottle of detergent with a handle on it in a plastic bag. I don't mean to tell you how to do your job, but you see that handle you just lifted the detergent with?

I can use that same handle to carry the detergent to my car. And stop putting my liquor in a smaller paper sack before you put it in the big paper sack with my other stuff. What, are you afraid my groceries will think less of me if they see I've been drinking? Trust me, the broccoli doesn't care, and the condoms already know.

Here's a quote from Albert Einstein: "if the bee disappeared off the surface of the globe, then man would have only four years of life left. No more bees, no more pollination, no more plants, no more animals, no more man." Well, guess what? The bees are disappearing. In massive numbers. All around the world. And if you think I'm being alarmist and that, "Oh, they'll figure out some way to pollinate the plants..." No, they've tried. For a lot of what we eat, only bees work. And they're not working. They're gone. It's called Colony Collapse Disorder, when the hive's inhabitants suddenly disappear, and all that's left are a few queens and some immature workers -- like when a party winds down at Elton John's house. Also, if your stinger stays up more than 48 hours, call your doctor.

But I think we're the ones suffering from Colony Collapse Disorder. Because although nobody really knows for sure what's killing the bees, it's not al-Qaeda, and it's not God doing some of his Old Testament shtick, and it's not Winnie the Pooh. It's us. It could be from pesticides, or genetically modified food, or global warming, or the high-fructose corn syrup we started to feed them. Recently it was discovered that bees won't fly near cell phones -- the electromagnetic signals they emit might screw up the bees navigation system, knocking them out of the sky. So thanks guy in line at Starbucks, you just killed us. It's nature's way of saying, "Can you hear me now?"

Last week I asked: If it solved global warming, would you give up the TV remote and go back to carting your fat ass over to the television set every time you wanted to change the channel. If that was the case in America, I think Americans would watch one channel forever. If it comes down to the cell phone vs. the bee, will we choose to literally blather ourselves to death? Will we continue to tell ourselves that we don't have to solve environmental problems -- we can just adapt: build sea walls instead of stopping the ice caps from melting. Don't save the creatures of the earth and oceans, just learn to eat the slime and jellyfish that nothing can kill, like Chinese restaurants are already doing.

Maybe you don't need to talk on your cell phone all the time. Maybe you don't' need a bag when you buy a keychain. Americans throw out 100 billion plastic bags a year, and they all take a thousand years to decompose. Your children's children's children's children will never know you but they'll know you once bought batteries at the 99 cent store because the bag will still be caught in the tree. Except there won't be trees. Sunday is Earth Day. Please educate someone about the birds and the bees, because without bees, humans become the canary in the coal mine, and we make bad canaries because we're already such sheep.

[From the April 20th episode of HBO's 'Real Time with Bill Maher']

To My Fiance...

I can't wait for tonight's BIRTHDAY BONANZA...which will really just include eating pasta and cake, and opening presents while the kids freak out...I can't wait!

I'm Calling It...Maybe

I'm going to go out on a limb here and predict that by 5:00pm tomorrow evening, Friday April 20th, 2007, Alberto Gonzales will have tendered his resignation as the Attorney General of the United States.

If I'm right, I will have proven my keen political sense and thus I request to have an M.A. in the field of politics conferred upon me immediately.

If I'm wrong...well...I'm wrong. And I will cower in shame until next Friday evening, when I will likely post this prediction again.

[UPDATE: Damn!]

Gun Laws Kill People

He was referred to the campus disciplinary system by police after stalking a female student on campus...he was named in an unwanted contact complaint to police by yet another female student...he was reported to police as being suicidal...he was sent to an off campus counseling center and detained at a mental health center for several days...he was reported to an academic department by a professor after receiving disturbing writings...and, even with all these documented incidences, he had no trouble purchasing a Glock 19 handgun and a box of ammunition.

Nope, not a thing wrong with American gun control laws.

Abstinence Makes The Heart Grow Fonder

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$1.5 Billion Abstinence Drive 'Waste'

NEW YORK. A sum of $1.5 billion spent by the US Government to promote sexual abstinence in teenagers over the past decade may have been entirely wasted, a study produced for Congress indicates.

The six-year study conducted by Mathematica Policy Research followed the sexual behavior of more than 2,000 teenagers. It indicated that those who had received abstinence-based sexual education exhibited almost identical behavior to those who had had a more conventional education.

Teenagers from both groups had the same average age for their first sexual experience: 14.9 years. One quarter in both groups had had sex with three or more partners.

President Bush has been a proponent of abstinence-based education, with federal funding rising steadily under his Administration.

[From Times Online, April 16 2007]

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What Movies To See...Last Year

OK, I know it may seem a little strange to be posting my 'Top Ten Movies of 2006' at this point, well over 3 months into the year 2007, but I can explain. With the recent viewing of The Last King of Scotland (which did not end up making the list), I now feel as though I've seen a sufficient amount of 2006 movies to declare my list "closed" to any further changes. Moreover, considering that just about all of these movies have finally been released on DVD, it's now a perfect opportunity for you to bask in my infinite movie wisdom as you prepare your Netflix queue for the coming weeks.

As for the methodology used to create this list, it's really just my own informal consideration that is best summed up by the claim that these ten movies provide the best overall cinematic experience out of the pool of movies released in 2006. So, without further ado...

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10. Babel......It's the weakest of the Academy Award Best Picture nominees, but it still remains a very ambitious undertaking by a great director, namely Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu.

9. Casino Royale......A younger, edgier Bond mixed in with a good story, solid action, and a high-stakes Texas Hold'em poker game. Basically brings shame to all the Pierce Brosnan Bond movies.

8. Children of Men......One of the most visually stunning movies of the year, thanks to the film making genius that is Alfanso Cuaron. The story may not blow you away, but the camera work definitely will.

7. Borat......A redefinition of what can be accomplished in the comedy (and somewhat documentary) genre. One scene in particular is guaranteed to be like nothing you've ever seen on film.

6. An Inconvenient Truth......Any documentary that is able to successfully catapult its issue to the front of the national dialogue is an overwhelming success. When it also resuscitates the image of a great political figure, that's just amazing.

5. Letters From Iwo Jima......More than just a war film, this movie takes storytelling to a powerful level. The characters resonate, especially Ken Watanabe who should have easily been in the Best Actor race over Will Smith.

4. Little Miss Sunshine......Casting at it's finest, easily the best ensemble cast of the year. It's a one-two punch to the funny bone and to the heart.

3. The Queen......I couldn't believe how enthralled I was with yet another movie about a queen of England. Maybe it has something to do with Helen Mirren being so unbelievable, the script being so great, and the drama being so real.

2. Little Children......A stunning film that proves several things: 1) Kate Winslet has more acting talent that most of the actresses of her generation combined, 2) the use of voice-over in film can be an incredible tool in storytelling when employed appropriately, and 3) suburban life can get pretty intense.

1. The Departed......The top few movies here are rather close (and, on any given day, I feel as though I could argue them in any order), but it's The Departed that has one thing I'm just not sure the other movies have: it's destined to be a classic.

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BREAKING NEWS

DNA tests confirm Anna Nicole Smith's mother Virgie Arthur NOT the biological father of Smith's baby daughter Dannielynn. Stay tuned for more developments.

Happy Peeps Day!

Eat Peeps. Be happy.

Tell Us How You Really Feel, Bill

Never in a million years did I think I would say the following...
Nice job, Geraldo Rivera!

Q: Has Dick Cheney Become Marginalized In The Bush White House?

A: This priceless video clip from C-SPAN.

A Healthy Dose of Perspective

This past week I decided to start reading The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini, a former New York Times Bestseller and upcoming adapted film directed by Marc Foster (Finding Neverland, Stranger Than Fiction), which will be released later this year...2008 Oscar Season, here we come!

Why, you ask, did I start reading this book? Well, would you believe me if I said my independent intellectual curiosity for world literature was just too strong to ignore? Yeah, I didn't think so. It turns out my fiance is teaching the book to her 12th grade world literature class, a decision I applaud her school for making considering I can't remember anything nearly as contemporary and interesting being part of the curriculum during my senior year.

The events of the story, clearly based on the life experiences of Hosseini, are fictionalized within the historical background of modern Afghanistan. I can't get over how Hosseini, a career physician, was able to write such an interesting first book. I think it's precisely his amateur level of experience as a writer that makes the story feel even more real and accessible to the reader. Reading this book is like eating a piece of sponge cake: you start off taking a little piece here and a little piece there, and before you know it you're halfway done eating the entire cake!

Read this book...and now I have a craving for sponge cake. New rule: no more food analogies in my blog posts.

Bush To America: Progress Made In Iraq

April Fools !!!