And The Winner Is...Reagan?

Ah, nothing gets you going like a 90-minute debate between ten rambunctious politicians. As I watched the candidates take the stage, I couldn't help but realize just how diverse the Republican candidates really are: some of them were pale, some of them were tan; some were old, some were older; some of them had their comb-overs parted to the left, some had them parted to the right; some thought the day Roe v. Wade gets overturned would be a great day, some thought it would be the greatest day.

All kidding aside, I think this was a really interesting debate and shed a ton of light on the status of all three front-runner candidates, as well as the entire lot of "other candidates". Let the analysis begin!

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The Winner: Mitt Romney.....A few reasons why Romney comes out on top. First, he wins the award for "Most Polished, Presidential Looking" of all ten candidates. Second, and more importantly, he was most successful at clearly and concisely conveying his positions on the issues. Now, Romney may not be the answer the conservative base is looking for, but he did something very important in this first debate: he proved, just like he did with his fund raising, that he's a force to be reckoned with.

1st Runner Up: Rudolph Giuliani.....Giuliani came across as, well, himself. Which is a good thing, because when Republicans look at Giuliani they already see a leader. There's no doubt that Giuliani had some trouble treading water with social issues, and this will haunt him the entire primary race. Still, Giuliani has a lot of strong talking points on issues like security and leadership, and when Giuliani speaks, people listen.

The Loser: John McCain.....Wow, just wow. This, in my opinion, is the story of the night. Senator John McCain was simply awful. I don't even know where to begin, he came across poorly on so many levels: visually speaking, he came across as angry, threatening, and extremely nervous; he rambled and stumbled time and time again while speaking, showing a lack of coherence in his thoughts; his positions were unidentifiable (I don't know if he hates Bush policy or loves it...I don't know if he knows anymore!); and his over-the-top language was just stunning (he said we will "follow Bin Laden to the gates of Hell"...and then let out a massive grin...what!?). This has 'self-destruct' written all over it and, even though it may not happen as a result of this singular debate, it's only a matter of time until John McCain parks the 'Straight Talk Express' back in the station.

And, The Rest of Them...I expected Mike Huckabee to come out of this debate like Joe Biden in the Democratic debate, namely as the clear #4 guy. Unfortunately for him, and the rest of them, I think there were just too many candidates for any of those beyond the top three to really shine. Representatives Hunter, Paul, and Tancredo, as well as Senator Brownback, really just proved that they were good enough for the legislative branch of government, and Former Virginia Governor Jim Gilmore seemed like an intelligent, genuine guy with nothing really unique to offer. That leaves Former Wisconsin Governor Tommy Thompson, who I believe should take home the award for "Most Unbelievable Statement of the Night", and I quote:

[Moderator]: Governor Thompson...if a private employer finds homosexuality immoral, should he be allowed to fire a gay worker?

[Thompson]: (pause) I think that is left up to the individual business. I really sincerely believe that that is an issue that business people have got to make their own determination as to whether or not they should be.

[Moderator]: So the answer is 'yes'?

[Thompson]: Yes.

And there you have it, folks! Tommy Thompson, the former Governor of Wisconsin, advocating for the abolition of equal employment opportunities in America! Quite honestly, I don't know why he's not running his entire campaign on this one issue alone! Oh.....because it's a position of ignorance and bigotry.....right.

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I leave you will one final thought as the evening's proceedings come to a close.....if Representative Sam Brownback is ever the subject of a Hollywood film, he will be played by Saturday Night Live alumnus Joe Piscopo. Discuss.