What's In A Number?

Did you ever notice that pricing signs at gas stations only have the ability to list prices that are three digits or less?

It seems the gas companies have designed these signs under the assumption that, so long as gasoline remains the dominant fuel source for automobiles, prices are likely to remain three digits or less (of course, the 'or less' really refers to the "good old days" right around the time my generation was acquiring our right to drive and gas cost a measly 89 cents a gallon, and kids respected their elders...oh wait, no we didn't).

Then again, what if there was some sort of major international oil crisis (say 'World War III: Middle East Mayhem')? Wouldn't gasoline prices almost certainly exceed three-digit numbers? Considering that the average gas prices in the U.S. are currently hovering around $3.21 (and are expected to rise to around $4.00 this summer), I don't think it's crazy to think of a future that potentially includes gas prices breaking through the $9.99 ceiling set by the presumptuous gas station sign manufactures.

With the help of my trusty Adobe Photoshop, I present to you a portrait of the not too distant future...

Spring Cleaning '07

'28 Weeks Later', Yet Things Still Seem The Same

The Good: Great cinematography, especially camera work, provide some really unique points-of-view in a genre that tends to be rather stale visually. A good performance by Robert Carlyle, who's been given an exciting role to work within. Not to mention the most creative use of helicopter blades ever.

The Bad: The plot feels self-contained to a fault and, even though I'm excited by the prospect of a third film (something strongly hinted at in the final moments of this movie), I expected greater consequence within the story of Weeks.

The Verdict: 28 Weeks Later is artistic and somewhat thought provoking, yet it doesn't quite evolve (no pun intended) as effectively as movie franchises are expected to do so in their second outings.

The Grade: C+

How Was The 'Lost' Season Finale?

How was the 'Lost' season finale, you ask? Well, let me tell you......

The 'Lost' season finale was so good that I've decided to drop out of graduate school so that I can devote my time to founding a religion based on the mythology of 'Lost'. The DVD box sets of each season will serve as our Bible (with three more 'Books' still left to be written); all followers will pray to our saviour, John Locke, on the 4th, 8th, 15th, 16th, 23rd, and 42nd day of every month (don't ask about the 42nd day thing...we have a different calendar); and finally, all followers must cross paths with at least one other follower on a monthly basis (extra island protection from the mysterious smoke monster if you end up being a relative of another follower, if you have a car accident with another follower, or if you heal/be healed by another follower).

And there you have it. 'Lost', one of the greatest television shows ever created, is now my religion. Namaste.

'Bloomberg To Replace NYC Taxis With Hybrids By 2012'

If Al Gore doesn't get in the presidential race, I might have to vote for potential Independent candidate Mike Bloomberg.

Buy Me Today!

"The Assault on Reason turns out to be less a partisan, election-cycle harangue than a fiercely argued brief about the current Bush White House that is grounded in copiously footnoted citations from newspaper articles, Congressional testimony and commission reports — a brief that is as powerful in making its points about the implications of this administration’s policies as the author’s 2006 book, “An Inconvenient Truth,” was in making its points about the fallout of global warming...and it does so not with the calculated, sound-bite-conscious tone of many political-platform-type books, but with the sort of wonky ardor that made both the book and movie versions of “An Inconvenient Truth” so bluntly effective...This book shows a fiery, throw-caution-to-the winds Al Gore, who, whether or not he runs for the White House again, has decided to lay it all on the line with a blistering assessment of the Bush administration and the state of public discourse in America at this 'fateful juncture' in history."

[From the New York Times 'Books of the Times' Section, May 22nd 2007]

A Note To Young, Male Entertainers

Enough with the 'man bangs' already...there is nothing cool about what can only be described as the youthful equivalent of 'the comb over'. Let's put an end to this now, before it's too late.

The Message Is Real Enough

I'm fascinated by this well-edited piece of footage from one of the 2004 presidential debates. There's something inaccessibly profound within this video, and every time I watch it I can't help but have this semi-emotional reaction (especially when the music swells), a reaction that is likely linked to the political realities of our American society over the past six years...it's something along the lines of sadness mixed with laughter mixed with anger mixed with hope. Very strange to have this sort of reaction to some random YouTube video. Kudos.

No Tingling For My Spidey Sense

The Good: Thomas Haden Church did well with what he was given, as well as the obligatory Bruce Campbell cameo that was the funniest it's been in all three movies. The last twenty minutes of the movie are somewhat redeeming.

The Bad: The rest of the movie. That may be a tad harsh, but there's no denying that the story comes across as overcooked and overcrowded, and the visual effects didn't feel like anything we haven't seen already. Not to mention the various downright bizarre set of scenes that made me feel like I was watching a completely different movie (jazz club, anyone?).

The Verdict: Easily inferior to it's predecessors, Spider-man 3 is a box office record-setting behemoth that disappoints on so many levels.

The Grade: C

What A Media Tease!

This is a screen grab from the CNN International broadcast around midnight last night.
Obviously, the mistaken graphic was meant to highlight Tony Blair's resignation.

It appeared for twelve of the American nations most hopeful seconds in recent years...then again, I'm not sure I should be describing the hypothetical swearing in of President Dick Cheney as "hopeful". More like devastating, nightmarish, catastrophic...kind of like our current President.

See You At The Movies

It's simply incredible how packed this Summer Blockbuster Season is with movie releases. I'm starting to think it might be best to just set up camp in the parking lot of my movie theater, emerging from my tent every Friday to see the week's new releases.

Thanks to the Entertainment Weekly 'Summer Movie Preview' issue, I've managed to wrap my head around the behemoth that is the summer movie season. My breakdown of each month's 'Must-See' movies, 'Cautiously Optimistic' movies, and 'Just Say No' movies is actually more for my own benefit than for your blog reading enjoyment, but I'm glad I get to include everyone in my borderline obsessive interest in movies. Here we go...

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~ May ~
Bring on the Three-quels

Must-See:

• Spider-Man 3......Sure, the critics reviews have been mixed, but I think I'll go see a movie that world moviegoers just spent 375 million dollars on in THREE DAYS! [May 4]
• 28 Weeks Later......I just don't know why but I have this affinity for movies involving zombies (not to be confused with 'zombie movies', which are more campy than realistic). I guess it has something to do with wondering how I'd survive if this were to actually happen...oh, who am I kidding, I'd be infected within the first five minutes. [May 11]
  

Cautiously Optimistic:

• Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End......There's no denying, Pirates 2 was not very good story-wise. Then again, most middle movies of a trilogy suffer with a story that, by it's very nature, is in limbo. That being said, I expect a great concluding chapter from what used to be the highest grossing weekend opener ever (Spider-Man 3 has challenged you Pirates 3...the ball's in your ship). [May 25]
• Shrek 3......The problem I had with Shrek 2 was that the movie felt like it had become aware of itself, making what amounted to elaborate, but not overly funny, inside-jokes. I'm assuming now that The Office's John Krasinski is part of the cast, everything will be a-OK. [May 18]

Just Say No:

• Georgia Rule......If I want to see Lindsey Lohan being "a raucous girl [that] proves too much trouble for her mother", I'll just watch VH1's Best Week Ever, thank you very much. [May 11]
  
• Lucky You......I've been mocking this movie ever since it's intended release years ago. It's too bad the producers of this film didn't know when to fold'em. [May 4]

~ June ~
Comedy, Action, and Drama, Oh My

Must-See:

• Knocked Up......Thanks to an early screening by Mr. Cooper, we already know this will be the comedy hit of the summer. And why wouldn't it be? It involves Seth Rogen and a sex-related storyline. Sold! [June 1]
  
• Live Free or Die Hard......After twelve long years, John McClane is back! I'm not sure anyone was really asking for this, but we're damn happy to receive it. Is there any chance that Jeremy Iron's character will make a cameo? [June 27]
  
• A Mighty Heart......I think we're looking at our summer Oscar buzz movie, or at least a potential Oscar-worthy performance by Angelina Jolie playing the widow of Daniel Pearl. [June 22]
  

Cautiously Optimistic:

• Ocean's Thirteen......Yes, they forgot to actually create a coherent storyline for Ocean's Twelve, but I'm willing to forgive. Then again, the "thirteen" addition appears to be actress Ellen Barkin, who I really don't care for very much. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, I stop trusting Steven Soderbergh. [June 8]
• Evan Almighty......Sequels without the original leading actors don't usually go so well (Dumb and Dumberer anyone?). However, I'm not sure that applies to sequels that have Steve Carell stepping in. God willing (pun intended), this will be the exception to the rule. [June 22]
  
• Sicko......What's with all the secrecy surrounding Michael Moore's newest documentary about the health-care industry? I'm not sure if that's a good sign or a bad sign, but one thing is for sure...everyone's clamoring for more Moore! [June ?]
  

Just Say No:

• Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer......HBO's Saturday movie premiere night tricked me into seeing the first Fantastic Four. I could have saved a couple of hours and just punched myself in the brain a few times. [June 15]
• Surf's Up......Oh look, an animated movie about penguins, and they're surfing this time, wow, how creative...STOP WITH THE PENGUINS! [June 8]
  
• Mr. Brooks......I'm definitely intrigued by a thriller starring Kevin Costner as the killer, especially when the supporting cast includes William Hurt, Demi Moore, and...comedian Dane Cook !? Umm, no thanks. [June 1]
  

~ July ~

Goodbye Summer Sun, Hello Darkness of Theater

Must-See:

• The Simpsons Movie......Talk about anticipation. There is so much expectation wrapped around this movie, it may end up being the greatest movie or biggest disappointment of the summer. Either way, you can guarantee I'll be there on opening night. [June 27]
• Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix......Quite honestly, I thought the last Harry Potter was just not as good as it should have been (Alfonso Cuaron's Prisoner of Azkaban is the level of excellence by which all future Harry Potter movies should strive to achieve). That being said, Phoenix director David Yates looks like an "off the beaten path" type of director, so hopefully things will be back on track this installment. [July 13]
  
• Transformers......And, my childhood dreams are fulfilled. With the coveted Independence Day weekend release, I'm predicting a massive opening for a movie that will draw father and son alike. [July 4]

Cautiously Optimistic:

• License to Wed......This looks like it will be a good date movie for me and my fiance, but a Hollywood insider (Mr. Cooper, of course) has been saying the early buzz surrounding this movie is less than good. Then again, the mushy nature of romantic comedies usually results in apathy by reviewers. [July 4]
  
• Hairspray......I haven't seen the Broadway version, but I just can't ignore a movie where John Travolta plays an obese singing woman. [July 20]
  
• Rescue Dawn......A Vietnam POW movie starring Christian Bale...interesting. But Steve Zahn? I'm just not sure. [July 4]

Just Say No:

• I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry......It's possible that I'm wrong about this one, but I'm guessing this movie is more 'cheap homophobic bits' funny than "creative social satire' funny. Not to mention, Kevin James is simply awful and Adam Sandler has become a comedic flop-making machine. [July 20]
  
• No Reservations......Catherine Zeta-Jones and Aaron Eckhart in a "romantic drama" about high-end chefs. Wow, I think I just heard the entire movie industry let out a collective yawn. [July 27]
  
• 1408......Simply put, this movie is about an evil hotel room. So very, very creative. The only thing more cliched than evil hotel rooms are horror movies that are released on Friday the 13th...oh boy. [July 13]
  

~ August ~
All Good Summers Must Come To An End

Must-See:

• The Bourne Ultimatum......With the success of the first and second installments, moviegoers have spoken about their genuine excitement for the Bourne series. Ultimatum will likely prove to be a worthy ending for both the trilogy and the summer movie season as a whole. [August 3]
  
• The Invasion......There is a chance that this movie will not be as good as I think/hope it will be. Still, I just can't see a Body Snatchers remake that attracted Nicole Kidman and Daniel Craig being anything less than alien movie fun. [August 17]
  

Cautiously Optimistic:

• Rush Hour 3......Is it possible that this comic duo has simply passed its prime? Yes. Do I want to see Jackie Chan use a fly swatter to take down an army of bad guys and then escape by jumping through a doggy door? Yes and yes. [August 10]
  
• The Brothers Solomon......This is a tough one. On the one hand you have the Arrested Development's Will Arnett and SNL's Will Forte, both of whom are pretty darn funny. On the other hand, Will Forte was also in the movie Beerfest. I think I'll check out the critics on this one. [August 31]
  

Just Say No:

• Halloween......Nobody asked for this, nobody wants this, and you're not fooling anyone by not attaching a number to the end of this movie. [August 31]
• El Cantante......Note to Jennifer Lopez: stop making movies with your 'flavors of the week'! Actually, just stop making movies. [August 1]

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Coming Soon...

With the release of Spider-Man 3, you know what that means.....

it's the SUMMER BLOCKBUSTER SEASON!!!

Stay tuned for my take on the potential movie hits and misses for what many are calling "The Summer of Sequels".

And The Winner Is...Reagan?

Ah, nothing gets you going like a 90-minute debate between ten rambunctious politicians. As I watched the candidates take the stage, I couldn't help but realize just how diverse the Republican candidates really are: some of them were pale, some of them were tan; some were old, some were older; some of them had their comb-overs parted to the left, some had them parted to the right; some thought the day Roe v. Wade gets overturned would be a great day, some thought it would be the greatest day.

All kidding aside, I think this was a really interesting debate and shed a ton of light on the status of all three front-runner candidates, as well as the entire lot of "other candidates". Let the analysis begin!

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The Winner: Mitt Romney.....A few reasons why Romney comes out on top. First, he wins the award for "Most Polished, Presidential Looking" of all ten candidates. Second, and more importantly, he was most successful at clearly and concisely conveying his positions on the issues. Now, Romney may not be the answer the conservative base is looking for, but he did something very important in this first debate: he proved, just like he did with his fund raising, that he's a force to be reckoned with.

1st Runner Up: Rudolph Giuliani.....Giuliani came across as, well, himself. Which is a good thing, because when Republicans look at Giuliani they already see a leader. There's no doubt that Giuliani had some trouble treading water with social issues, and this will haunt him the entire primary race. Still, Giuliani has a lot of strong talking points on issues like security and leadership, and when Giuliani speaks, people listen.

The Loser: John McCain.....Wow, just wow. This, in my opinion, is the story of the night. Senator John McCain was simply awful. I don't even know where to begin, he came across poorly on so many levels: visually speaking, he came across as angry, threatening, and extremely nervous; he rambled and stumbled time and time again while speaking, showing a lack of coherence in his thoughts; his positions were unidentifiable (I don't know if he hates Bush policy or loves it...I don't know if he knows anymore!); and his over-the-top language was just stunning (he said we will "follow Bin Laden to the gates of Hell"...and then let out a massive grin...what!?). This has 'self-destruct' written all over it and, even though it may not happen as a result of this singular debate, it's only a matter of time until John McCain parks the 'Straight Talk Express' back in the station.

And, The Rest of Them...I expected Mike Huckabee to come out of this debate like Joe Biden in the Democratic debate, namely as the clear #4 guy. Unfortunately for him, and the rest of them, I think there were just too many candidates for any of those beyond the top three to really shine. Representatives Hunter, Paul, and Tancredo, as well as Senator Brownback, really just proved that they were good enough for the legislative branch of government, and Former Virginia Governor Jim Gilmore seemed like an intelligent, genuine guy with nothing really unique to offer. That leaves Former Wisconsin Governor Tommy Thompson, who I believe should take home the award for "Most Unbelievable Statement of the Night", and I quote:

[Moderator]: Governor Thompson...if a private employer finds homosexuality immoral, should he be allowed to fire a gay worker?

[Thompson]: (pause) I think that is left up to the individual business. I really sincerely believe that that is an issue that business people have got to make their own determination as to whether or not they should be.

[Moderator]: So the answer is 'yes'?

[Thompson]: Yes.

And there you have it, folks! Tommy Thompson, the former Governor of Wisconsin, advocating for the abolition of equal employment opportunities in America! Quite honestly, I don't know why he's not running his entire campaign on this one issue alone! Oh.....because it's a position of ignorance and bigotry.....right.

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I leave you will one final thought as the evening's proceedings come to a close.....if Representative Sam Brownback is ever the subject of a Hollywood film, he will be played by Saturday Night Live alumnus Joe Piscopo. Discuss.

Grand Old Debate

Are you considering voting for a cross dressing, cousin marrying, twice divorced, temperamental former NYC mayor? Or, how about the commander of the 'Straight Talk Express', which seems to have jumped the tracks and crashed into Bullshit Mountain a few months ago? How about someone with less baggage...like a Mormon? Well, have I got good news for you!

It's the Republicans' turn! Watch MSNBC Thursday night at 8pm to see McCain v. Giuliani v. Romney v. Huckabee v. Six Other Republicans You've Never Heard Of.

It should be an interesting night, and I eagerly await the tight rope walk that will be each candidate confronting the situation in Iraq, a situation born out of the unchecked power of a particular reckless Republican leader (I'll give you a hint...his name starts with 'G' and ends with 'Dubya').

RU In Esquire

I can't believe Mr. Cooper missed this one...Rutgers made it's way into Esquire magazine's list of '60 Things Worth Shortening Your Life For'.

Coming in at #25..."The Fat Darrell at the R.U. Grill & Pizza in New Brunswick, New Jersey. Considering his namesake sandwich is made up of chicken fingers, mozzarella sticks, and french fries, its' a wonder that Darell is still with us (and trim)."

I'm proud to say that I can check this one off my list...although, I hope spending the past two years eating healthy and getting in shape has resulted in retrieving that span of life Mr. Darrell so effortlessly took away from me that hungry Saturday evening.