Oh Happy Day!

Finally, the day has come! The first debates of the 2008 presidential campaign season are here! Even with soooo many months left until primary season, we political junkies (and the other 70% of Americans thoroughly disgusted with the current occupants of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue) are blessed with the opportunity to scrutinize those individuals that may or may not become the new head honcho come January 2009.

Tomorrow night at 7 pm (exclusively on MSNBC), the Democrats will duke it out in a no-holds-barred political debate moderated by none other than the affable Brian Williams...and by "no-holds-barred" I'm referring to such possibilities as Joe Biden proudly announcing his newest slogan "Joe Biden: The Other White Meat", or Dennis Kucinich unveiling his newest Iraq plan of pulling all the troops out by "the conclusion of this debate". Next Thursday at 8 pm (also only on MSNBC), the Republicans will have their turn with Chris Matthews at the moderator's table. The areas where all Republican candidates will likely agree: while continuing the search for Bin Laden it's very important to "never forget the lessons of Pearl Harbor", George Bush is the closest any person has ever come to being as great as Jesus Christ, and supporting abortion rights and gay rights was "soooo my previous term".

For the Democrats tomorrow night, I expect each of the candidates to do the following: Hilary will try to come across as strong AND warm (expect one heckuva pants suit coupled with a glowing smile); Obama will need to prove that there's substance behind those grand speeches, while making sure to keep the charm flowing (I predict the phrase 'the American people' will be uttered over 100 times by Obama alone); Edwards has to remind people why he deserves to maintain front runner status (his $750 pedicure and manicure should help); Biden needs to shout as loud as possible to make sure he's not forgotten (HOWEVER, he needs to tread carefully in the political waters around him...PLEASE do not try and make a joke along the lines of "What do you get when you mix a few white men, one woman, a black man, and a Hispanic man? This debate!...And also, the American people." Please, Joe, please don't.); Chris Dodd and Bill Richardson have to prove, once and for all, who is the better Spanish speaker (And NO, Biden, you're not allowed to attempt Spanish words and phrases because you'll end up saying something like "Los niños de Americanos son muy feos"...look it up); Dennis Kucinich has to try and keep the audience from laughing at him, and Mike Gravel (yeah, I don't know who the hell he is either) has to keep the police from trying to escort him off the stage as a "debate crasher".

Well, this is it America, there's no turning back now. The only question I have left as we prepare for what can only be described as 'political history in the making'...how long will it take one of the candidates to accidentally refer to Barack Obama as 'Senator Osama' and/or discuss how we need to continue the hunt for 'Obama Bin Laden'......Damn it, Biden!